To think working full time as a single parent is bloody hard

[mumofoneanddone82]

I am a mother to a three year old. I have him 80% of the time and work full time. I don't have any extra support, as my family don't live nearby. I'm a middle earner and find it all very relentless. Is anyone else in a similar position? I realised I don't know any other single mums, who have their child full time, who also work full time. I feel like I'm constantly one step away from burnout.

I did, and I know plenty of others who do to. Mine were with me 100% of the time, it is not that unusual

The OP does have them 80% of the time, she says, so presumable 20 % of the time with another adult?

Ok 👍🏽

I did too.

What are with these posts? What does who you know (or clearly don’t) have to do with OP’s particular case? Or ‘lived experience’ as Mumsnetters love to say

Tink because in real life working full time as a lone parent with young kids and no support would be brutal, hence as many people as possible avoid it for a few years. I don't know anyone who has managed it. In fact, as a parent of teens I know single parents who still haven't been able to increase hours due to teen MH issues or their own health problems. (Myself included).

Breezing telling the OP it will be fine isn't helpful when they're at breaking point. It often isn't fine for a while, unless maybe you are a high earner and can buy in a lot of help.

But how is it helpful to say you don’t know any mother who does? You said ‘I've not known another mum’, didn’t specify ‘single’ in there. I suspect you only know women who are privileged enough to be supported by a partner who enabled them to work PT, or who earned enough that working PT didn’t affect finances

(edited as I realised you were the PP I quoted)

It is exhausting, but does get much easier as they get older.

I was extremely lucky when my dc were younger and landed a job pretty much on my doorstep, with their nursery all within 5 mins of each other.
I had them 100% of the time and am very thankful for the manager I had, I’ve never missed anything that most working parents would and my children are grateful that I was always there for them.

I will say, even though they are teenagers now and pretty self sufficient the only real struggles I have are keeping up with housework. Two teenage boys are not much help 😫 you will get through it and come out on the other side feeling extremely proud of yourself.

I've done it, full time, from when ds was 2 to now ds is 15.

It's hard work. I have no local family and ex does 6 hrs a week - on a Sunday. No overnights except boxing day to NYE.

But it does get easier from about age 8 onwards. I enjoy my life now. Ds is lovely, good company & funny. We have a good relationship.

It's easy to run the house, no partner hassles or money worries because I'm the only one spending. My boss is supportive of my situation because I always get the work finished somehow. Stick with it. x

Just to add, try and find some mum friends from dcs nursery/school they are honestly invaluable, especially if you’re not able to get back from work in time or just to sit in the park with so you’re not alone.

Most of the mum friends I made when dc were in nursery are some of my closest friends, we try to get together at least once every couple of months with and without our dc.

Really? I know plenty, including me.

From when ds was 2 through to now he's 15. No local family, just me.

I have my daughter about 70% and work full time outside of the home in a demanding job. It is definitely hard work. But I actually find it easier than I did with a useless lump of a husband. There is no resentment about his mess, no resentment over never getting any free time. If I can't be bothered washing-up one night, I don't, and no one to moan at me! I'm knackered but I also go to bed as I please around dd - I'm a lot happier 😊

But I do get free time to myself when she's at her dad's.
And I am dating so am getting some affection etc so I totally get it if can't do these things

It’s the financial aspect I find hard. Working really bloody hard and being permanently skint, worrying about rising costs, not being able to have things like nights out or holidays that couples can. A cleaner would help enormously, but it costs.
It’s exhausting just keeping afloat.

I'm a single parent and it is exhausting. I worked full time from when he was 3. I was on my feet from 6am most days. I honestly don't know how I did it. I know I felt overwhelmed a lot of the time.

I took used to get women with partners telling me that they were single parents if their partner went away overnight or a couple of nights. And people trying to tell me how to raise him. Or moaning how hard it was to be a single parent for 6 months.

This.
I've just found this thread having woken up in the grip of a single parent panic. It is hard to be the one to make all the decisions and to get everything done.

Much easier without twattish DH, however...

Love, respect and good wishes to everyone on the thread. X

This.

Absolutely!

Really ridiculous thing to say, honestly 😒

I have my autistic 3yo 100% except for when she's in childcare and work full time. I cope by having no other option 😂

My sister will pick her up a couple of times a week to enable me to go into the office but that's it really, if she's busy or I'm not in the office she doesn't do it which is fair enough but my idea of free time is when I WFH 😂

It's ok. Better than when I wasnt a single parent and had to pander to her dad all the time.

The worst part is if I get asked to do fun work stuff, because it's very child unfriendly and inevitably in the evenings when I don't have childcare. But it's not forever.

Yes it’s incredibly hard. I have 3 children and been single for years. No family nearby and father of DC posted overseas most of their childhood. Thankfully they’ve grown up now, youngest is 16 and life is easier again. Glad I kept my career going. You’re in the trenches now but good you get a break at least 20% of the week. Outsource what you can and lower standards if struggling with housework etc. It gets easier as they grow up.

My son is 7 and I have him 90% of the time. He can be quite demanding and I work 08.30 to 17.30 full time and have 2 horses to do before and after work. I understand. I feel like I might have a breakdown and feel burnt out constantly and I don't know about you but I have terrible guilt about working full time. My mum has him after school until I finish work or he does an after school club so I can't ask her to have him anytime at the weekends. I was asked out the other day but I literally can't ever imagine fitting in dating! No one really seems to get it 😕 but it is really hard.

Stay strong and look after yourself. I raised my son alone whilst working full time.
Part time wasn't an option for financial reasons. Permanently exhausted and playing catch up together with the loneliness of doing all the parenting.
Like being on a hamster 🐹 wheel that doesn't stop.
The future comes one day at a time.
Take care

Can identify with this take care