To think working full time as a single parent is bloody hard

[mumofoneanddone82]

I am a mother to a three year old. I have him 80% of the time and work full time. I don't have any extra support, as my family don't live nearby. I'm a middle earner and find it all very relentless. Is anyone else in a similar position? I realised I don't know any other single mums, who have their child full time, who also work full time. I feel like I'm constantly one step away from burnout.

working full time as a parent is harder than if you are not a parent. It will get easier. You do have a break, it seems from your post, if that is what you want - but maybe you would have found it easier to have them full time rather than faff around with hand overs etc.

It's really hard working full time with a three year old full stop.
It might be easier single in some ways because you don't have to negotiate with a partner when you are tired. It's the money issues on one income which are stressful and draining.

Yes its relentless. It will hopefully get easier for you. As your child becomes more able to occupy themself and the things you do together are more enjoyable for you.

I dont know your situation but i hope you will get some rewards down the line in terms of career progression and pension too, maybe home ownership.. But i understand right now that probably feels very abstract..

Are you seriously telling a single parent working full time they might have it easier than a couple?! Lol.

WTF

Single working parent with 2 dc and I have them 100% of the time (apart from school). I'm exhausted.

What is this waffle?

Yes, it's hard but you'll get through it. I was a lone parent, DS's dad not involved. My DS is 16 now and life is easy.

Yes. I've clung onto part time and it's nearly killed me.

Tbh I've not known any lone parents who work full time, they're either part time or have overnight family support. It's not you, it is very hard.

I think the only way it is feasible is if you have other adults to help - whether that’s a partner, family or paid support.
I’m a single mum but I don’t work full time. I read up a lot on how to deal with challenges and the advice always boiled down to some variation of ‘get another adult to help’. Which confirms what I thought that it’s just so hard to parent alone. Full time job makes it even harder.

It does get easier as they get older but that’s not helpful when you’re in the thick of it.

Wishing you strength!

@Humphhhh I was a little perplexed by first two posts too! I am aware working with children is tough but was asking specifically about working as a single mum 😂 thanks for validating how I felt.

@TimWhoretons I honestly can't imagine doing it with two! You are incredible xx

Thanks for all the lovely replies!! Sometimes just hearing 'yes it is hard' is all I need to validate that in finding it tough and to give me the kick up the arse to get on with it xxx thank you

Oh OP, I am a single parent 2 DC who are now both at school, I have them 90% of the time and work full time. It is easier now and in my job I WFH so that makes life a little easier, I also condense my hours so work full time in 4 days. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack prematurely but other days it's fine and it is getting easier the older they get.

You will get through this OP.

You’re not wrong. I was a single parent from the time mine was three and it was bloody relentless. It’s really tough when everything depends on you. You will get through it and you’ll have the tightest bond with your kid. When it’s been the two of you against the world for years it makes you very close. It’s really offensive to see people with a partner telling you it’s “easier”, ignore them. All of us who have been in your shoes know it’s a hard road to travel.

actually, yes it is, I think. Or it can be.

@alloweraoway the only thing that is easier is you don't have a partner to get annoyed with if they don't pull their weight because you have to do everything yourself. But it is not easier! It is the same when my friends's husband go away for one or two nights and my friends say it is so easy! That is two nights not day in and day out! The reality is much more different.

Thank you @BIossomtoes and @MotherofChaosandDestruction lovely words of kindness and encouragement. They mean a lot xxx

I don’t know anyone who is a single parent to young DC and works full time without the support of another adult or kids staying with their ex part of the time

FML, ignore the fucknuts OP, it's exhausting. I've done it for years and I'm on my knees. Yes, we don't have a twattish partner to argue with. But nor do we have financial, emotional, practical support on any level and being the person who makes every single decision about every single thing, knowing that you have noone to vent, share, panic with (other than those not as invested as you) is exhausting. And these threads always go pear shaped because unless you've tried it, you will never get it.

Hats all to all single parents. It is relentless enough with a decent partner. DH had DSS 70% of the time when we met, worked F/T with no family support. He was 21 when he became a Dad and so knew no other people with kids. It was so tough on him.
I have a friend who is a lone parent and the no breaks are so so hard.

I'm a single parent and I only work 30 hours for this reason, and I still find it tough at times. Working full time definitely would have been better in terms of career progression, but I've opted to make my life easier and I will just have to live with the regret later!

The really difficult part is childcare. I have taken years off my lifespan racing across London trying to defeat public transport and get back to the school by 6pm.

I've pondered this over the years on here and despite the insistence (on here) that so many women work full time with young children, I've not worked with a single one who has done it with a partner let alone a single parent

Absolutely. It amuses me to see complaints about the mental load from people with partners. I roll my eyes and think “You really don’t know you’re born”. On the other hand, you come out the other side, look at the lovely human you’ve raised and the sense of achievement is huge. Mine’s probably older than most posters here and is one of my closest friends.

It's relentless. I was a single parent of 2 DCs for most of their childhoods (they were 3 and 6 months when XH left). No family around, no income, a house that was a "project" and X only saw DCs every second Saturday for around 6 hours. His choice although he got better as they got older. I had no option but to work full time.

Yes, the financial side is a huge weight. Took all sorts of crap because I needed the job so badly. Worse than that is the responsibility that you are "it". No one to share the bad and good times. The sudden dilemma that one child has to go into hospital with suspected meningitis and you're calling friends at midnight asking them to take the other one....I did have some very good, supportive friends. Being told by other friends they were "literally" a single parent because DH works shifts or is away golfing for a week... 😆

There are some good outcomes. We were very close as there was only the 3 of us. We had the "fun" house - no grumpy dad coming in from work insisting on quiet like their friends had. Never relied on a partner being there as I always had to arrange a babysitter for a night out (at least one of the group would cancel because DH "had a project to finish"etc). The upside of very little involvement from other parent was that I was in total control of DCs lives.

I don't think people appreciate just how tough and lonely it can be. It does get easier, OP. Make sure you invest in yourself. When you do have me time do something lovely - go for a coffee somewhere nice or take a book to a park. You're doing a great job that no one else can do- reward yourself for that

I did. I can wfh 3 days a week though which made it easier.

Yes, super hard, super relentless. The mental fatigue, the financial worries, the people who say "I know how you feel" when they mean their partner went away for a night...