To think working full time as a single parent is bloody hard

[mumofoneanddone82]

I am a mother to a three year old. I have him 80% of the time and work full time. I don't have any extra support, as my family don't live nearby. I'm a middle earner and find it all very relentless. Is anyone else in a similar position? I realised I don't know any other single mums, who have their child full time, who also work full time. I feel like I'm constantly one step away from burnout.

Yes it's really hard. I've worked full time most of my working life, including from when I became a single parent when my youngest was a baby.

I absolutely don't agree with the sentiment that it's hard being a working parent full stop -while I agree that it's hard being a working parent, it's a hundred times harder if you have no physical or emotional support from another adult.

I think it depends on your industry. I know loads of women who work FT with kids (not many single parents, though). One of my colleagues has 3 kids and we work very long hours. I don't know how she does it; I do four days (more than full-time hours, though).

I was single working parent of 6 for many years (now a carer for my daughter) I can't believe how I managed it honestly.

Drop the little two at childminder, the middle two at school, the older two were in secondary school so made their own way, worked all day to do a round of pick ups from various places then home, tea, homework, baths and bed, it was brutal.

Their dad wasn't on the scene at all, and I have no family, so totally alone.

It's really not easy op, and it seems never ending, but it WILL get easier eventually, j promise, meantime just do what you need to to get through.

As for PP suggesting it's harder in a couple 🤣 yes having 2 adults to do pick ups and drop offs and sick days is definitely harder than it all being on one person 🤔

I feel your pain @TimWhoretons I'm in the same boat. I find it's the fact I can never get on top of the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc as I'm so exhausted. My house is always a state and it really gets me down because I just don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done

I have my 2 85% of the time and work full time. It is hard. My 2 are both at school now and a bit more independent which makes life easier. I can't imagine doing this with a 3 year old. Hats off to you. I really struggle with mum guilt that I'm not always 100% attentive to my kids because I'm exhausted by the time we get to dinner time. I am however lucky that I work from home for a pretty flexible company. It makes fitting work around family life so much easier.
I also built up a really good support network of friends. We help each other out where we can and that makes a big difference. Even if just for peace of mind.
You're doing a great job.

It's hard. I was lucky that her dad still had her a few nights a week and was a good guy who helped out when I needed and is still a very good friend and I just about survived! It's the constant needing to be here or rush there and constant worry and guilt when you are the parent having other people picking your child up from school and having to beg to swap shifts with people so you can make it to a last minute 'fun day' the school sprung on you or you forget the Teddy for the picnic and cannot just run home and grab one. It does get better but not for a while! You are surviving and eventually you will be thriving and a great role model for your child!

That's pretty odd tbh, I am wondering what age you are? I am pushing fifty and more than half my friends with children work full time. I am the odd one out for not working full time! It was totally different for my mother's generation of course.

Also in my workplace most of the women are mothers and are working full time.

I'm a single parent to a 2 year old, work full time and bits around the side. Dad left as soon as the pregnancy test turned blue and only popped up to request photo albums of our relationship and the odd weekend here and there! I have elderly parents local but feel I am in the sandwich generation looking after my own and being meals on wheels for them.

It is tough going, but I hope I'm providing my child with a role model to show that it is do able to have a good career, own home, nice life and it is all ours! I won't have a partner in retirement so only my income to rely on, so have to build pension pot up! Ex gets his solicitor to send horrible letters every few months saying I'm an awful mother and cant cope , that if I return to work he will seek full custody etc (yet can't turn up on his allocated days). It is nonsense, we have a lovely life, little one is thriving, my career is going well and lots of opportunities.

If I could change anything it would be more hours in the day to spend with little one, more hours in the day to do admin and housework, and an ex that was interested in child or stuck to a routine. Other than that we are our own masters, the stress will be worth it, and working keeps me sane! But I hear you, and I'm sending a virtual hug and cup of tea!

I'm a single parent to a 2 year old, work full time and bits around the side. Dad left as soon as the pregnancy test turned blue and only popped up to request photo albums of our relationship and the odd weekend here and there! I have elderly parents local but feel I am in the sandwich generation looking after my own and being meals on wheels for them.

It is tough going, but I hope I'm providing my child with a role model to show that it is do able to have a good career, own home, nice life and it is all ours! I won't have a partner in retirement so only my income to rely on, so have to build pension pot up! Ex gets his solicitor to send horrible letters every few months saying I'm an awful mother and cant cope , that if I return to work he will seek full custody etc (yet can't turn up on his allocated days). It is nonsense, we have a lovely life, little one is thriving, my career is going well and lots of opportunities.

If I could change anything it would be more hours in the day to spend with little one, more hours in the day to do admin and housework, and an ex that was interested in child or stuck to a routine. Other than that we are our own masters, the stress will be worth it, and working keeps me sane! But I hear you, and I'm sending a virtual hug and cup of tea!

😂😂😂😂

@mumofoneanddone82 It is hard, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Now my daughter is a teenager my role is more moral support, chauffeur and atm. Not the relentless grind of the earlier days 💐.

Ridiculous post of the year goes to!

Of course it’s harder as a single parent. You’re doing it all alone. No one to step if you’re overwhelmed, or when you’re actually ill. Just you, relentlessly. Being with an abusive partner would be worse of course but that’s not the standard to compare to.

Having one as tiny as three makes it extra hard of course - mine are 10 and 15 and it’s still hard work!

Of course it is incredibly hard. Isn't there a single parents board here where you might get support? I expect your DC will admire you hugely when he/she grows up.

theyear. I'm 50. I've not known another mum who worked full time with young children. Not in my office or from school.
A lot of them increased hours once their dc's were all at school.

Is the child at nursery while you work? It sounds like you're looking after him while trying to do a full time job?

How has the Dad got away scott free? Doesn't he see his child at all?

The only person I am currently in awe of is my friend -
A single mother of 2 who works full time, and takes on some work on the side a few evenings a week.
Her ex helps out by doing school drop off and pick up once or twice a week, and I think he has them overnight every other week, but the rest is all on her - no family help, and absolutely no financial help. She pays for everything herself, from the mortgage to the kids childcare to their shoes. She has no financial support from their dad.
She is super woman to me.

Lone parent full time working since my DD15 was 4 months old.

Yes it's bloody hard and relentless.

No ex on the scene to "help" or pay anything.

I am glad I have a decent career that I can chuck a bit of cash at the problem sometimes but honestly even then it's just hard.

Also, to pick up on another comment you made -
I find it really easy and chill when my partner goes away for a week or so, I know that everything is on me and I can plan accordingly, there's no getting frustrated if he's not picking up the slack etc.

However, I'm not foolish enough to think this would be the case on a long term basis. I always know that come next weekend I'll get a lie in and some time alone whilst he takes over once back.

It is. I'm completely drained and the mental load is never ending and exhausting. I can't progress my career and I can't ever prioritise myself. It is lonely. DC thrive but at huge cost to myself.

I’m a lone parent and have my two 100% of the time. I’ve worked full time since youngest was 6 months (9 years ago). I love working and couldn’t not, but it is relentless and exhausting. Friends sometimes say “I don’t know how you do it all?” The truth is I don’t. My house is a tip most of the time. Every evening a last minute scramble to prep for the next day. I’m so tired of being the only person who can shop, cook, clean, remember everything!
I don’t really want a partner (not that I’d have time to meet one). But every so often I’ll be shattered and have to cook a meal and just wish for once, someone else was there to do it!
It has got a bit easier as they’ve got older. My 13yo sorts his own breakfast/lunch/snacks, gets to and from school, goes out with friends, etc. A part of me is looking forward to the youngest reaching that stage and life getting a little easier still.
I don’t know many single parents, but most people I work with have kids and work ft. Universal Credit dictates you have to work 30 hours once kids are at school, and I’ve yet to see a suitable job advertised at 30 hours. They seem to be either full time or 25 hours or less. Which I would love, but without a second income and UC commitments, aren’t doable x

Have a virtual hug from me.

I was single full time working mum for 20 years.

My two lads moved out last year to independent lives so it's been hard, but I seem to have succeeded in bringing them up happy and healthy with limited support

They used to go to their Dad's every other weekend (although that petered out to barely seeing them at all by the time they were teens). The rest of the time they were my sole responsibility.

I was fortunate to have supportive work where they excused me from any work trips/training outside if working hours. They were accommodating to unpaid leave when ds2 was in hospital with asthma etc.

I had good wrap around childcare that covered holidays (expensively) as well.

It was tough, I'm not going to lie, but when there's no alternative you just get on with it.

Am glad I was able to continue working as I've now paid off my mortgage and looking forward to retirement in couple of years.

My ex is an arse, and although he dumped me, in hindsight it's been easier to parent without him. That's definitely not to say it's been easy.

I've been a single full-time working parent since my son was 8m old (now 8 years old). I earn well now and bought my own flat in London and managed to build up decent savings. I would still be renting if I went part-time.

I used to leave my home at 7am and not return until 7pm commuting 5 days per week and having to use paid childcare. Bit easier now that I have a remote job.

Hi OP, it definitely gets easier ince they start school (then there are other challenges around school admin etc!) But you kind of get into the swing of it and make sure that you're on a class whatsapp group so that the organised ones remind you of things- I've relied heavily on this!). If possible to wfh do it! It really helps that I can do washing etc in my lunchbreak. You're doing a GREAT job!

Just on my lunch and want to say thank you for all the wonderful, kind and supportive comments! I have read each one and each one has meant so much. Thank you, you fabulous bunch. So many have highlighted, that being a single parent is SO much more than looking after a child solo (which is hard enough)! It is the financial strain, having to be everything to everyone ALL the time. Nobody to bounce an idea off of, or to tell you you're doing a great job! Nobody, to share the day to day of work stress! Instead you go from work stress to parenting and have to switch hats with no downtime! Some of us are lucky to get one or two nights off a week. But in that time we have to get a zillion jobs done, and if it falls on a special occasion we're mourning the time not with our kids!! Single mothers are some of the most resilient people. I can't tell you how glad I am that I posted this morning! Each message has perked me up and been the big hug I needed. Thank you xxx