To stop making small talk with my friend who owes me money?

[movietime]

Just that really. Friend owes me £500. She lives a couple of hours away so we don't see each other a lot but used to message back and forth every day.

She's dragging her feet on paying me back (although she is paying me back, just slower and in smaller increments than we'd agreed).

I'm a bit over making text message small talk with her. It's definitely noticeable to her as she's just asked me if everything was ok, after I didn't reply for a few days.

Trying to find a way to explain that I'm just irritated by unilateral the change in terms of her repaying me and normal service will resume once we're square.

Separately, I KNOW that lending a friend money is unwise. Neither a borrower nor a lender be and don't lend money you can't afford to lose. I do know all these things and that isn't the advice I'm looking for here.

Thank you!

I partly agree with @Charlie2121 about friendships being worth more than money and I never give friends more than what i can afford to lose so I’d lend £500 maybe but not 5K or even 2K.

But I kind of agree with the above too, it really resonates with me - the idea that when a friend takes advantage the friendship is dead.

And this doesn’t just have to be about money. I had a childhood friend who took advantage of me for years using me as a 24/7 therapist dumping really heavy trauma on me daily while she shielded her partner from it, borrowed hundreds from me which I said she didn’t have to pay back (and she didn’t ) never paid for dinners/coffees and always expected me to pick up the bill, never sent birthday presents or even a card. despite me sending them for her 3 kids and sometimes her…often forgot my birthday completely and would generally give very little back in terms of support - but just enough to pretend it was a reciprocal friendship.

When the penny finally dropped I wasn’t even bothered about all the money or gifts, it was the principle of the thing - the fact she’s taken advantage of me. The 24/7 therapist was the worst thing. She knew I had my own struggles and less support than her as I lived alone but it didn’t stop her dumping on me.
I wish I’d recognised what was going on and done something about it earlier, but I let it go on for too long so now I’m resentful of the fact she took advantage of me. I struggle to talk to her now and haven’t spoken in months.

I’m glad you’ve said something now OP, hopefully your friend is understanding of how you feel and is doing everything she can to pay it back quicker.

Well done for being direct. Her actions have consequences for both of you and it’s not on you to protect her from those consequences, when she seemingly has given little thought to the consequences for you.

It's not about being fixated on a few hundred quid. It's about being very upset by her behaviour - behaving as though nothing has happened and not acknowledging that the OP is waiting for the money.

I am sure the OP would be happy with the small talk if there was more acknowledgment of the debt, profuse thanks for it and updates about when it would be paid back. The fact that the OP's friend is saying nothing is what's upsetting the OP. It's almost as though the borrower thinks the OP might forget about it.

Yes, OK, me dropping a friend over this does say something about me. It says that I won't tolerate piss taking and potential theft.

Absolutely this. She knows why you might be pissed of and is trying to pretend all is ok when clearly it wouldn’t be.

You may have £1200 to give away willy nilly but the op LENT this money, with an agreed payment window.

I really hate when people dismiss people who want their money back as fixated on money. The people fixated on money are ones who don't want to pay back money.

I bet you're a borrower.

You simply don't just lend money to friends and family. That is it.

You either gift money because that person who you care about so much is buckling under under some strain or you don't. Gift money, think of it as a way of helping your friend or family member and then consider it written off.

But don't lend money. You are doing a disservice to the relationship by doing that - they same way they are doing it by asking you to borrow it, by the way.

I’m afraid your assumption is totally wrong. I do however help others when I can because I’m in a position to do so.

Anyone who treats money between friends the same as a commercial transaction is either incredibly naive or not really a good friend.

When I said earlier that I always say to friends to pay me back when they are in a position to do so it’s because it makes them feel better than taking a handout. If they’ve had to ask me for money they’re already in an unpleasant situation. Why would I want to make that even more uncomfortable for them?

Well some of them are in an unpleasant situation because they are feckless with money and live beyond their means . For them to never pay it back and hope it goes away is also another form of complete and total irresponsibility .

I had a friend who ran a business offering health treatments. I paid for a treatment package which was for 10 x 1hr sessions. Friend kept cancelling on me and eventually closed the business.

Friend owned me £100 for the unused treatments. I found out later they had spent my money on drugs.

They no longer take drugs but still tried to be friendly. I now keep him at arms length because I am angry he obviously isn’t going to pay me back and made excuses when I asked for my money back

Hi x, great to hear from you. I need my 500 back ASAP. You get paid soon, so can I have it it half then half or all at once? Cheers