To stop making small talk with my friend who owes me money?

[movietime]

Just that really. Friend owes me £500. She lives a couple of hours away so we don't see each other a lot but used to message back and forth every day.

She's dragging her feet on paying me back (although she is paying me back, just slower and in smaller increments than we'd agreed).

I'm a bit over making text message small talk with her. It's definitely noticeable to her as she's just asked me if everything was ok, after I didn't reply for a few days.

Trying to find a way to explain that I'm just irritated by unilateral the change in terms of her repaying me and normal service will resume once we're square.

Separately, I KNOW that lending a friend money is unwise. Neither a borrower nor a lender be and don't lend money you can't afford to lose. I do know all these things and that isn't the advice I'm looking for here.

Thank you!

Yes , it’s not a business transaction, if it was then there would certainly be repercussions to pay as the lender will come for you . A friend loan though should come with a moral and respectful obligation instead of shitting all over friends face .

I'd certainly be happy to lose a friendship over : lies, lack of respect, gaslighting and bullshit

Shes asking why you haven't text her for a few days - she knows damn well why

If I were you I'd ask her for all the money by 31/5

If you don't get it I'd block her and have nothing more to do with her

If you do get the money, I'd never lend her money again and I'd be very circumspect about the friendship in future

Soo weird to lend mates £

Is it? There wouldn’t be a second time if they were liars and didn’t pay it back. If they did the latter they wouldn’t be considered a friend anymore that’s for sure.

It's not that I don't want advice on it, it's that I don't need advice on it as I have already come to that conclusion myself.

This is the best advice I've ever received on MN! I've done that and feel much better for it.

If she's cleared £1500 of £2k in 4 months, not ideal, but I'd maybe nudge her that you really need the balance this month and keep up the text chat until her next pay day and see what happens.

The thing is people don’t borrow money from friends if they can afford to pay it back. It means they have exhausted other possibilities. Credit cards, family, overdraft and other friends. Unless you are a very close friend, you might be quite far down the list.

I’d keep the chat going until you get your money.

I think you're going to have to tell her that you feel sad that she didn't repay you as promised. Repaying in tiny amounts isn't what you'd both agreed. It feels disrespectful. You're going to have to talk to her on the phone, properly.

You are right OP. The slow repayments are coming between you.
Your friend is being a coward, firstly reducing the payments then asking if you're OK.
Just put it casually.

Just say no, actually I'm a little upset and a bit surprised that you've reduced repayments without the decency to ask me about it. You've left me short.

Did you talk to her in the end, and get it sorted?

It wouldn’t be losing a friendship over £500 though, if it did result in a lost friendship, it would be losing a friendship because one friend is being bloody cheeky; the friend that was loaned the money (massive favour) hasn’t paid it back in the time they said they would not communicated any reason for it, which is really shit of her. I get the impression OP would likely accept slower than agreed payment if there were some sort of discussion and acknowledgement.

She’s a shit friend. She has made you feel awful by not repaying the money when she said. Instead of profusely apologising, she is making small talk.

I would drop her for this after you get the money back (if you get the money back).

She probably feels unbelievably awkward about the whole matter.

To suggest you’d drop someone as a friend under these circumstances says far more about you than them.

I help people while they’re struggling with no expectation of anything in return. I know people would do the same for me. Being fixated on a few hundred quid is a pretty grim look in the wider scheme of things.

She's your close friend that you've previously lent money to and had no issue getting it back. You'd rather cut her off than have a conversation?

If you can't even have a conversation about it, then yes, I guess your relationship is over. But I suspect the reason she hasn't broached it with you is sheer embarrassment. And the fact that you haven't said anything is leading her to believe you're ok with it.

Of course she might just be taking the utter piss but you've known her a long time OP, which do you think is most likely?

Did your friend reply? And do you have your money back?
I lent a friend money when I was in uni and had to ask for it back (was a month late and by then I was stony broke), it was awkward for sure but I needed the money. Lesson learnt for me, and I haven't lent money to anyone since.

Edit: quoted wrong post and can't change it now - sorry!

I would reply and say you haven’t been as chatty as you’re really stressed about money - you have a big payment coming up and are struggling to afford it due to her change in repayment.

Friends saying losing the friendship is not worth £500 - I don't think it's about that. If you feel awkward or annoyed or see a person differently then that can affect the friendship.

OP I'm not sure what the answer is as there is a chance she won't pay you if you fall out or you tell her you're annoyed. In fact, it would make it easier for her not to pay you if you are on bad terms.

You could say you feel a bit awkward because of the money and you do need a back or just say you're busy. Also think PP suggestion above is reasonable but try to keep things sweet.

Just add 'and when are you going to pay me back' to the end of each chatty message.

Have you got anything in writing agreeing terms?
Might have got to a stage where you have to be much firmer......look at legal steps to recover the money so on a much more formal setting. She is taking the mickey.......

Threaten to take her to small claims

Yes, you'll lose the friendship but at this point who cares

Haven’t read the full thread. If she is a good friend and has always paid you back on time, I think it is unlikely she has suddenly decided to screw you over. Probably her finances mean she is doing all she can and has no idea how to say it and is desperately hoping she can do dribs and drabs.

however her bad way of dealing with it is not fair to you and harming the friendship. I would ask her what’s going on but not steam in. If she hasn’t failed you before approach it with a bit of good faith. If this doesn’t lead to an explanation you are ok with you can then decide what to do. No need to go from 1 to 100mph here. Unless you need the money and it is honestly harming you. Even then though I probably wouldn’t immediately go to the small claims court.

Just straight up tell her ‘I'm just irritated by unilateral the change in terms of her repaying me and normal service will resume once we're square.’

hopefully she just squares up. But also be prepared for her to ghost.

Chat. You didn’t want this to mess with the friendship, but her not meeting the terms of the agreement - and further not discussing it with you first - is really stressing you out. that’s all totally fair.

then you learned your lesson and probably (hopefully) won’t do it again. It’s also an easy out next time ‘oh I did that once, it was beyond uncomfortable, stressed me right out.’

sooner the better. ‘Hey, I noticed you b aren’t posting me back as we agreed, that’s not ok’ then you will get excuses, decide what you like from there.

some people are unreasonable and think even when they owe money they ‘deserve’ whatever, coffee out, etc. no you don’t, drink the 20c tea bag at home or the free stuff at work! Others are strapped and friend might be doing her literal best.

Read all your stuff.

totally reasonable to say you expected to be paid back 4 months ago as agreed, and this is stressing you out!