Birthday Party Invite

[nevernotneverland]

So I got a message yesterday afternoon from another parent inviting DS to a paintballing party, which is lovely. the kicker though...
I have to pay for the paintballing & for his lunch. All parents have been asked to pay as "cost of living" is affecting the host parent. It's affecting everyone.
I feel if you cannot afford something like that plan something small like some party food and a movie.
I can't help but think it's cheeky.
Aibu?

I think its bad form and personally would not do this.

However, at least they have been upfront about it and you can make an informed decision to decline.

Its not really a kids party invite if individual parents have to pay for the activity and food.

If you can afford it and your son would like to go, I’d go with though.

The parents shouldn't be selling it as a party.

My DS's have been invited to similar in the past. They paid for the paintballing but that was it. The birthday child's parents paid for everything else.

At least they've been honest about it

Getting a message isn't getting an invite tho...are you sure it was an invite rather than a message asking do they want to do paintballing and this is the cost?

Not a problem. It's up to you to accept/decline. If you are struggling to pay for it, then you could give a smaller gift. If it's the point of being asked; your child can either
1, not go
2, pay and go along.
Don't waste your precious energy on it. You have the facts, make a decision and move on with your life.

It's not hosting a party. It's an afternoon out. If your son wants to go, and you can afford it then I'd be saying yes to the invite.

(But would I buy a cheaper birthday gift?? Umm need to consider that...)

I don’t really see the issue here - they have been clear and you have a choice.

I got invited into the party WhatsApps.
It's not even the boys parent who is organising it, it's another parent in the same class.
Also I noticed that I got added after someone got removed from the group, I didn't think much of it until someone else has just declined then removed and another parent has been added.

I've looked up the cost and it's over £30 in all.
They are taking them by car and have asked for petrol money now as well

Not an invitation, it is a playdate. I'd decline.

Don't parents like to just host a home party with games, and eat food in a livingroom anymore?

I agree with you, but at least they were upfront. It's absolutely fine to say no thanks. They don't feel any obligation to pay so why should you? You wouldn't be stopping their child having a party - they can still organise something else if they don't get much take up.

I expect enough will accept for it to go ahead though.

Wel, clearly someone has dropped out, and your lad is the "back up".

Another parent has taken it upon themselves to organise a day out for the boys birthday because his parents can't/won't? Seems like a nice thing to do.

If your son wants to go and you can afford it then he goes.

If he doesn't want to go or you can't afford it, he doesn't.

It's really that simple. No need for much thought. No need for any judgment. Not really much need to start a thread about it.

Hang on so it's another parent organising the 'party' not the boys actual parents? In that case that's surely why they are asking for money, they're not going to fund another kids birthday are they. Where are the actual parents in all of this?

It's not judgement to the original parent as I know her and her financial situation. She is lovely, it's the other parent who has decided to tell everyone about the situation and has decided where to go, it's not a party party. It's literally turn up do the activity and then grab food.
I just don't get why you would organise a party on behalf of someone who cannot afford it, tell the other parents and then ask them to pay for it all.

She is a single parent who is very busy and sadly in a bad financial situation.
She's been added to the "party" WhatsApps but isn't even an admin. It looks like she's had no say in this matter.

Don't go, this is really bad form. If you can't afford it then don't have the event. So you need to pay for the activity, food, transport and a gift on top. Hell no.

If your child would really like to go and you can afford then let him go.

Otherwise spend the £30 (plus petrol £ and a birthday gift £) elsewhere on your ds having a good time.

Seems like other parents don't agree either hence lots of drop outs.

Mine would hate paint balling even if it was paid for by the host- oh and agree it's not a party asking others to pay for themselves!

It's a really fun afternoon out for your dc, but it is very expensive, not surprising that the other parents can’t pay for everyone.
If your child wants to go and you can afford to pay for it then send them. If not, don’t . Bear in mind it always costs more than advertised, they will want extra pellets etc. And they get really hungry. I think we took a few kids , paid for the basics and a massive picnic, and then the parents topped up for extras.
Yes it’s a bit cheeky asking for petrol money, but if it’s some distance it might be be necessary. No point thinking about whether they should be paying for everything, if they can’t then maybe it’s a bit ambitious, but they want the kids to have a fun time. For early to mid teens, it is one of the most fun activities!

So it sounds like the other parent is doing a nice thing by helping to arrange something for the child. But understandably they aren't going to fund the party of a child that isn't their own. The mum doesn't seem to know anything about it so it's not her fault either.

If you want him to go and can afford it, just take it for it is (a fairly unusual but kind hearted gesture) and go. If you can't or don't want to, don't.

It's pretty obvious why you're being asked to pay.

Really can't see the issue with this. It's a fun day out organised to coincide with a kids birthday who can't afford a birthday party.
I think starting this post is pretty nasty.

I'm guessing the organizing parent will see her(?) self as a saviour, coming in and giving this poor boy have a party that his mum can't afford. In her mind it will be great that people have pulled together (under her leadership) to fill in this awful gap in his life.

She will not be thinking about the parents who can't afford to subsidize what is a pretty expensive type of party for this boy, or their children, presumably friends of this boy, who will not be able to celebrate with him - because the party isn't just too expensive for the birthday boy's mum...

Thank you I was starting to think from the replies this is the new norm.
The parties we have been invited to have always been village hall parties where they run around for a few hours and the parents chat.

The organiser parent is also have a party for her child in a couple of months (same class) it's literally an all expense paid immersive zoo experience, so it just feels like her "helping out her friend" is really a look at me sort of thing.
All kids have been invited to both

A nice thing is organising a party in a hall and getting cheaper entertainment/ hosting it in a park with a picnic and games. Asking people to contribute 30 pounds isn't a nice thing, and that's excluding the food, gift and now transport too?? A child is not owed a party, and many people choose cheaper alternatives. I have never been charged anything to send my dc to a party and they have been to some very expensive activities. This is Not ok.