Birthday Party Invite

[nevernotneverland]

So I got a message yesterday afternoon from another parent inviting DS to a paintballing party, which is lovely. the kicker though...
I have to pay for the paintballing & for his lunch. All parents have been asked to pay as "cost of living" is affecting the host parent. It's affecting everyone.
I feel if you cannot afford something like that plan something small like some party food and a movie.
I can't help but think it's cheeky.
Aibu?

Paintballing is not a cheap activity. As well as the fee for actually doing it, extra pellets cost more money and you can literally get through hundreds of them. You usually get something like 100 pellets included in the price but they might only last 15 minutes. It could be a very short party if there's no one there to pay for more pellets once the included number have all gone.

It sounds absolutely bizarre. Another parent is organising an expensive activity for someone else's child and asking for everyone else to pay for it. Who is paying for the birthday child?

Why couldn't the person who is determined to hold a party orgnise something straightforward and affordable like hot dogs and a movie at their house?

That's the same thing though, surely?

He's been invited along, but they are asking everybody to pay their own way.

OP, I agree, I wouldn't have done it, but if you can afford it and he would like to go, I would pay it

This isn’t a party invitation.

It’s someone trying to do something nice for her friend, who clearly can’t afford to throw a party for her son this year. And, obviously the friend can’t afford it either.

All of which is fine. But the way the friend has gone about it is wrong. It would have been better to have said “it’s Jonny’s birthday coming up and what with the CoL and so forth, a party’s going to be difficult this year. I know Susan’s feeling a bit bad about it, so I thought I’d see if any of the lads are around to go out that day, maybe paintballing? It’s Jonny’s thing these days apparently. It’ll be byob unfortunately, although I’ll probably bring a cake and some candles. No gifts required, just pay for your boys to hang out with Jonny on his day. No pressure, just checking to see if this might be a runner. Lmk!”

It was more as I have never seen one like this.
I'm actually feeling sorry for the mum of the birthday child, she wouldn't want any of them to know her situation. She's a lovely lady.
I just think if you are going to organise a party for someone you cannot expect the other parents to pay for it.

The BC (birthday child) parent has messaged me and has said she is so embarrassed, she was under the impression the "friend" was organising something small and is furious with her, literally cake and some games in her back garden.

This would have been perfect.
I would have happily helped something like this. We are all struggling at the moment.

That's such a shame for the birthday child's mum.

Maybe you could decline, but invite the birthday boy round for a play date and give him a birthday present?

These are the sort of parties we go too. Someone hosted in our local park, made every kid a small picnic. The kids played and the parents just sat watching. Was lovely and didn't cost a lot.

This is such an unusual thing to do that it seems like the 'friend' isn't really a friend at all. Poor mum, being embarrassed in this way.

Yes I'm thinking sleepover, also gives his mum a break as well.
I think they will love some one on one time

Yes unfortunately the "friend" has previous.
She is one of those people who like to be seen "helping" but then leaves the actual helping to everyone else.

Oh gosh. So this other mum has made the family into a charity case. I'd be so embarrassed. Please don't reinforce this kind of behaviour. Maybe you can be the saviour and suggest something smaller scale. E.g. Really sorry but with col this is too much plus the present etc. How about we organise the movies or if anyone can host a pizza night??

DH took DS paint balling last year and it was £££. Roughly £10 each equipment hire then £7 or £8 per 100 paint balls. They had practice (100 between them) then 6 games and used 1000 between them making the day out almost £110 before travel, food, drinks etc.

This looks like it is going to backfire quite badly if a lot of people decline.

I feel for the boy's mum.

This.
I am astounded that this woman thinks it appropriate to embarrass the birthday boy's Mum like this on a class WhatsApp

If the parent did this I’d think cf, cut out cloth to your means. If another parent does this I think it’s quite lovely and I’d have no problem chipping in and would ask if anyone was paying for the birthday boy (and hope he and his mum were ok with it all).

i think it’s pretty bad form to invite but ask invitees to pay. Petrol money on top is seriously out of order. But given the update about the bad feeling and embarrassment between the mums, I would just accept and pay my way to help make it a nice occasion and soothe any bad feelings. The main thing is that the birthday boy should have a good time and it shouldn’t be clouded by this mess.

Just be upfront with the organising parents and explain why you think it would be better to do something else more low key as BC mum would prefer too

I shall message OM (organising mum) in the morning. She's pretty stubborn and ill probably get yelled at for interfering, worst bit is BC hasn't even been asked if they like paintballing.
I've been chatting to BC mum and apparently she has had no input in this at all.
Both BC & BC Mum are lovely people and I just want them to be happy.
Luckily OM is going to different secondary school in September so hopefully this won't happen again.

I actually wouldn't get involved in this OP. Remember that it's your child that would bear the brunt of any pushback. Don't message the OM on behalf of the other mum, she's an adult and it's her issue to sort out. Politely decline and leave it at that. These types of things have a way of backfiring.

nevernotneverland · Today 22:45
I've looked up the cost and it's over £30 in all.
They are taking them by car and have asked for petrol money now as well”

Petrol money? That is a bit much.

So some random Mum has splashed another Mum's private financial situation all over the class WhatsApp and expects to be thanked for it? She sounds like a bloody nightmare! I feel so sorry for the Birthday Mum.

Does everyone know that it's not been instigated by birthday Mum?!

Omg, that's taking the piss! I would decline unless your child is desperate to go. This isn't a party. Its meeting up in same place at same time!
When things are tight here I do a party at home. I wouldn't dream of 'charging' people.