To not want Grandma babysitting.

54 replies

Minister01 · 06/05/2024 16:14

My mum is a know-it-all. If somebody says snow is white she’ll argue it’s black. She now applies this logic to my DD (7 months old). DH cannot stand to be around DM when she’s with DD as she also winds him up too.

A couple of examples:

refuses to ever rock/bounce DD as apparently it’s a bad habit for babies to get into.
has put her hands out to stop me picking up DD as I should allow her to cry for 5-10 minutes or ‘she’ll learn to cry to get her own way’.
I advised her to sit DD up as she didn’t like being held flat. DM proceeded to take off all DD clothes as apparently DD didn’t like the tights she was wearing. Crying turned into screaming.

then there’s the relatively normal annoyances, will wake DD to put on a hat, insists on socks, will pick her up when she’s happy, reluctant to hand her back when she’s upset. She also seems to really wind up DD that she’s completely oblivious to. She’s used terms like spoilt and manipulative when talking about DD. Apparently I need to teach DD that I’m in charge or I’ll have a brat.

My mum is now insisting on babysitting. Luckily we’re EBF so no current need for a babysitter but, not in a month of Sundays will she be left alone with DD. She’s coming over next week and told my sister that she’ll be looking after DD upstairs as DD shouldn’t be around all the other family. Dsis has just called me unreasonable for not been keen as apparently what harm can she do.

OP posts:

Marghogeth · 07/05/2024 10:41

Have the BBQ. Uninvite your batshit mother and enabling sister.

AgreeableDragon · 07/05/2024 15:35

@Minister01 Is your DH on the same page as you? And can you enlist his mum or a friend to help you keep your DD downstairs and out of your mother’s reach during the BBQ.

If you let other people know what your mother is planning you could have a whole army of people ready to thwart her plans.

MedievalNun · 08/05/2024 14:53

Minister01 · 07/05/2024 10:05

Thank you for all your support. I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my mum. Probably never helped that I was trained to not to cry ignored my needs.

My mum is bonkers. She constantly word vomits so that’s why my sister is now on her side. Also mum trained us to be ‘how high’ when asked to jump. Funny enough Dsis breaks rank when it comes to her own kids.

My mum was going on when DD was two months old that we shouldn’t allow her to look up or to the side as it would cause her eye damage. I Googled it in front of her, as to be expected nothing of the sort. My mum told me that she knew these things as I shouldn’t rely on all these experts/books as she knows best. She kept on shielding DD eyes to stop her looking.

When I’d speak to her when DD was a NB she’d ask us if we’d have had the tv on as that’s what causes autism. I told her all kids in the U.K. must have autism as every single household has a tv on at some point. I also pointed out that her tv was on in all the home videos of me as a baby. That was different as TV were much smaller back then…

Sometimes I wish I was NC with her as she just drives me around the bend. She’s always caused me anxiety. But, she doesn’t have the greatest health and unless I wanted to go NC with the rest of my family it would be impossible. Everyone else just goes along with it as ‘it’s just her’. I choose to pick my battles, tell her the tv is off, let her mush her vegetables, put socks on DD to appease her. However when she tried to stop me picking up DD I barged past her or will take DD off her when she makes her upset. I haven’t had her over to the house since she was a couple of months old as I’ve found meeting her in a cafe/restaurant better. I am at minimal contact.

We’re having a BBQ with both sides of the family. Supposedly it will be overwhelming for DD/she’ll need some downtime. I said to my sister that mum is being bonkers. Dsis said mum taking DD upstairs is to help me to crack on hosting everyone. Firstly, I’m pretty sure my DH family is coming over mainly to see DD.. Mum has gone on that I need to let DD learn to sleep in her cot. Her crying is her getting her own way. I need to leave her in it. She’s been like a broken record about it. That’s exactly what she’s preplanning. She just can’t help herself.

Im thinking of just cancelling the bbq. I’ve got such anxiety about it.

Don't cancel - or at least,switch it to DH side only (unless his is worse ). Better still, if your MIL will provide the venue could you move it to there? I know you shouldn't have to but sometimes needs must. And I'm speaking as one who went lc with her mum for the first ~5 years of DD's life as mum kept referring to herself as mummy to DD.

Hugs xxx

Biffbaff · 08/05/2024 21:34

Absolutely 😯 WTAF about the poster whose mum wanted to take the baby out to the park to look at the stars?!

Also totally on your side here OP. Stay strong 💪🏻

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