Parents in law haven’t congratulated second pregnancy…

[Bloome22]

Told news over WhatsApp 2 weeks ago (MIL said something like “lovely news.” And FIL said nothing), saw them today and they didn’t say say / acknowledge anything… is this not weird? AIBU to feel disappointed they didn’t ask how I was doing or just say congratulations in person?

Did you mention it? They might not want to and forcsomecreason want to follow your lead on it.

How is your relationship with them normally?

Could they be upset you told them in a WhatsApp message?

I know my mil would be really upset about that. That's something you do for friends but not the grandparents

Im wondering if they might have been surprised you told them over WhatsApp? I think that generation especially would expect to be told in person. Also, if my parents reply on a group chat only one ever replies, like they're replying together if you know what I mean....

What is there to say? They replied at the time. I would assume a comment from MIL covers both of them and wouldn't expect a repeat from FIL.

I'm sure they're happy about it, but what else is there to add at this stage realistically?

Nothing wrong with WhatsApp either. My parents are in their 70s and wouldn't be thrown or put out by news via that medium.

I totally know what you mean, but the last time we announced pregnancy news (over a video call due to living distance) none of that side of the family seemed that bothered so we just thought well we’ll send the scan photo to the family group this time. Again, we barely got any excitement, a total contrast to my side of the family! And it was their only grandchild (this will be their second and probably last). My husband was really disappointed too which was upsetting.

My in laws were the same. Very underwhelmed. We went to the effort of printing a scan pic and putting it in a card which said you're going to be grandparents again. When we pushed them on their lack of enthusiasm, they commented they were worried we weren't going to cope. (Both work full time in demanding jobs) which is ironic and they never offer to help or support in any way. They also take very little interest in their grandchildren now they're here. It makes my husband sad but I keep telling him there's not much we can do about it. They are who they are.

Sometimes people feel it’s bad luck to comment on an early pregnancy? Could be that.
or, like many parents of adults they’ve kind of checked out of family life and entered the ‘selfish era’. It happens.

You told them over WhatsApp.
They replied over WhatsApp.
Had you told them in person they might well have congratulated you in person.

How much are they involved and interested in your 1st?
Paternal in laws usually get the short straw in favour of maternal parents.

Maybe they are waiting for baby to arrive safely. Your MIL responded in kind by saying "lovely news" so I don't see the issue tbh

Yabu. They already congratulated you over Whatsapp. The baby is not here yet.

Yabu. They already congratulated you over Whatsapp. The baby is not here yet.

This. I don't know what more you want.

If they weren't bothered the first time why would they be this time?

Babies are a huge deal for the parents but honestly most other people aren't that interested.

I'm sure they'll be happy when the baby is here. Don't fret about it.

It could be that you didn’t tell them in person, or simply you didn’t make a comment about it when you saw them. Next time you see them drop the baby into the conversation, you might get a response then

at least you didn’t get the response I got from MIL she took me to one side and mentioned it wasn’t to late to get rid of it !

@Grumpynan 😧

This. YABVU.

Agreed.

Also if you were seeing them in 2 weeks then it seems quite pointed you wouldn't wait to share it with them in person to be honest.

I've consciously stopped commenting on any family announcements on social media precisely because too many people get so worked up about what to me is trivia. Ironically, the worst offenders are, by a long way, our three daughters-in-law who obsessively keep score over whose children get the most likes and comments. We've been temporarily unfriended for nothing more than not liking a post, probably because we didn't see it. I've given up hoping they might grow up and just don't engage on SM at all. You're a parent, yet you're acting like a child. Put the petted lip away.

You didn’t think the news was significant enough to tell them in person. They didn’t think it was significant enough to comment in person.

I don’t think there is the same level of interest in a second baby, which you should be grateful for as, according to mumsnet, in-laws should keep their distance and not be over-involved..

How are they as grandparents op? I mean if they are interested in your first baby and doting grandparents or are they just a bit distant and uninvolved? Maybe, they just aren't that bothered, they've been there and done that. Maybe also they don't feel old enough to be grandparents yet?

On my second pregnancy, MIL actually said that " she wasn't going to congratulate me". She's a horrible person though and tried to ruin anything we achieved or were excited about. Can't remember FIL every commenting on any of my pregnancies or the birth of his grandchildren. I am no contact with both after many years of their abuse. DH is very, very low contact, as in he visits for an hour on Christmas morning. My children don't visit and don't want anything to do with them.

I'd be very disappointed if DS and DIL announced a pg on a family WhatsApp Group. I'd be surprised if they announced it before 12 weeks.

I hope DH and I would be rather more enthusiastic than our parents were.