DH called me an arsehole

[IneffableCuriosity]

DS had an accident in the kitchen-poo everywhere. DH ended up (I have no idea how) with a massive 💩 on his foot (sock on)
He started screaming and I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. The situation was so ridiculous. He then lost his temper at me and shouted and called me an arsehole.

I posted the other day that he called me an “irritable shit” in a fight and have told him that name calling is unacceptable.

AIBU and was I in the wrong for laughing?

For context I have ADHD and can sometimes laugh at inappropriate moments.

I am suffering from severe PMDD right now and am extra sensitive.

Id have found it hilarious too but to be fair id probably also call my partner an arsehole in those circumstances

If I got shit all over me and DH started laughing, I'd call him an arsehole too.

Thanks, I’m seeking some perspective on the situation. I can see how he was stressed in the moment 💩

You're both overreacting in the heat of the moment.

My dh screams at poo as well...it's a ridiculous overreaction and I find it hilarious. He does not.
I have ADHD too.
Hmm....

I'd be incredibly hurt if someone called me that.

I dislike swearing anyway, but to me, the word a* is one of the worst. I just hate it, it's a horrible, crude word and I hate it being said in any context.

Probably just me I know, but I find it so offensive and nasty.

I’d have laughed till I cried tbh.
I guess a lot depends if he’d laughed at you with a giant 💩 on your sock…

Agree with @fieldsofbutterflies I would not be laughing at my DH if he had shit all over himself in the kitchen. Yuck!

Overly sensitive.

You should have called him "an irritable shit" in response.

I would have laughed as well, and my partner probably would've called me an arsehole. He's a bit more serious than me in certain situations.

I don't think calling you an arsehole or an irritable shit is bad though. Me and my partner have definitely called each other worse in arguments!!

It’s not nice to call someone an arsehole but it’s not nice to laugh at someone with shit on their sock. However, I don’t think I’m above either.
If you’re generally alright it’s just a stupid Barney. If there’s more to it, then you probably need a serious conversation.

It massively depends on the tone though, doesn't it?

If you're looking for people to tell you he's abusive... I just don't think he is, given the situation. Btw, I also have ADHD and it's tiresome when it's used as a reason/excuse for just being plain mean. Which you were.

This is MN, though, so people probably still will.

That's shit.

The most destructive of the Four Horsemen, according to Gottman, is contempt. In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, Gottman writes: “When contempt begins to overwhelm your relationship you tend to forget entirely your partner's positive qualities, at least while you're feeling upset.

Contempt is perhaps the most serious of the four predictors of divorce. It concerns any statement or behavior, verbal or nonverbal, that asserts superiority to your partner.3
Examples of such behaviors include:

• Mocking your partner
• Name-calling
• Eye-rolling
• Showing hostility
• Insensitive joking
• Hurtful sarcasm
• Sneering in disgust

I’d have laughed at DH with shit on his sock.
Some people think name calling is acceptable during arguments, some don’t. Im in the latter category. I wouldn’t dream of calling my husband a nasty name, and vice versa. We love each other, and even in the middle of an argument I wouldn’t choose to say anything that would hurt him. We’ve been married 15 years and there has never been any name calling.
You told him you don’t find it acceptable, he didn’t listen and did it again.

stepping in someone's wet turd when you're in your stockinged feet isn't the most pleasant vibe tbh. I too might be tempted to shout 'arsehole' at someone who was chortling at my shitty footed state.

Oh y'know what most parents have an 'event' with a stray shit , hunt the shit and I do have to say most can see the funny side . Your husband is being a bit up himself .

Me too! I would have found it hilarious.

My abusive ex used to call me an arsehole on quite a regular basis, but in a horrible aggressive way.

Imo, it depends on how it's said.

Totally agree, but MN can be a bit serious when it comes to "naughty words" in arguments, lol.

You both need to chill out. The man stepped in shit in his own kitchen; it's simultaneously funny and worthy of "How has my life come to this?".

Apologize and move on.

Both dh and I would have found this hysterically funny. We’ve dealt with a LOT of shit in our time - Ds aged 11 has complex needs and wasn’t out of nappies until about 7. You just have to learn not to get so stressed about these things, otherwise it just grates you down. I’m with you.

I would have laughed, but I think DH would have too.