Pregnant & struggling. Husband is getting annoyed at me. AIBU?

[Stephanieava]

I’m just over 7 weeks pregnant with our second and I am in the pits with nausea, vomiting and heartburn. To top it off, I have suffered with a herniated disc in my lower back for years & have started with a flare up 2 weeks ago. I can barely walk, need a crutch when I do. I’m absolutely miserable

During the week I have my Mum to help me most days with our DC. I battle through the nausea & sickness as best I can to spend time with him, but my back flare up makes it extremely tough. I can only manage to go to places & groups that I have friends at that help me with him in & out of the car

Let me start by saying my Husband is an incredible man. He has always looked after me & he is truly a wonderful father. We have been together almost 15 years & i wouldn’t be without him.

My Husband is absolutely doing the lions share after work when we’re at home. He works from home so also does help during the day when I need. But he is starting to seem very resentful of me. Every ask is met with a huge huff or tut or eye roll

Snapping & being short with me when he has to get up on a morning - morning is my worst time with nausea. Typically from 5am - 10am I have my head down the toilet bowl. He does have a short temper so this doesn’t surprise me but I guess I just want / need him to be a bit more understanding with me.

He just generally seems to hate me at the moment, I can’t pinpoint exactly why but you know when someone is angry with you. He told me this weekend I haven’t spoken to him all weekend (I’ve barely been able to get down the stairs my back has been that bad). He’s also telling me he is incredibly sexually frustrated, which I understand but my mind (or body) is just not there

I’m at the point where I’m starting to consider ending this (very much wanted) pregnancy. I don’t think I can cope with the way i’m feeling or the environment at home much longer

I also miss my first born. I want nothing more than to soak in every last second as a 3 but I feel unable

So i guess my question is, AIBU for wanting my Husband to cut me a bit more slack & be kinder to me with his words / attitude

@DisappearingGirl and OP won't have her baby in a few weeks.....

Do you know the pregnancy term is 40 weeks?

That's 33 more weeks, hardly a few.

He’s an incredible man? I think not!

He’s being a dick and needs to step up. As for pointing out that he’s sexually frustrated - what a hero that man is!

So true. The basic shit men are lauded for doing by some straight women never fails to astound me. Lesbians have far higher standards.

Go to EPU and ask for ondansetron , I had it for HG it was really helpful

If he's as good as you say he is OP, then talk to him about it.

DP gets chronic migraines that mean every 3 months or so she's pretty much bed bound for two to three weeks. It's hard, and was even harder when DD was little. I power through, but I won't deny that every so often the frustration slips through, especially when it's 9pm and I've just sat down for the first time since I finished work and DP asks to get something.

I'm not frustrated or cross at her, but at the situation itself, bit of course she's going to take the sigh or the huff as aimed at her.

You're struggling at the mo, but your husband likely is too, and he's probably catastrophising that the next 9 months at least are going to be like this. The only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open and try to cut each other a little slack.

Oh huge apologies OP! I read it as 7 months not 7 weeks, not sure why. In that case, hope the sickness soon ends. I think people often feel much better at the 3-4 month mark

Well he doesn't sound particularly incredible right now!
Oh and he told you he was sexually frustrated? Poor love. Tell him to go and have a wank.
Hope things ease for you soon

I'm failing to see 'wonderful' or 'incredible'

I've been where you are with the sickness and it's totally debilitating. I hope for your sake it ends at 3 months but if it doesn't he needs to get his act together

He's being an arse.

Can your mum have a word?

I had what you had bar the back pain (I can't imagine that on top of the sickness...)

Is your DC in nursery? You need to take absolutely every moment to rest you can. Let your mum look after you.

Are you in a position to afford decent ready meals and any other help?
Can you both let housework go a bit and just do the important cleaning/childcare?

And he hasn't even got a commute!

He can get over himself

Every thread like this is always the same, somewhere in there the man is complaining about a lack of sex, whatever else is going on. That’s what it all comes back to for men like that. Fuming that the blow up doll he feels he has purchased is faulty.

So true.

ONG. You're seven WEEKS pregnant. Not seven months!!! He's only had to step up and do more for a couple of weeks, and this is how he's reacting??

He's a dick, not 'incredible'.

And he's sexually frustrated?? What a bellend. If he'd had his head down a toilet all morning and he was growing a whole new human being, would he feel like sex??

Tell him to go and have a wank ... because he's a nasty wanker

This is probably the best advice op. I know being in the thick of it is hard, but he's a bit in the weeds too. His snarking sounds more towards blowing off steam before the kettle pops instead of being a direct problem with you.

Ime men with short tempers are generally not wonderful partners and less wonderful parents.

I might just be jaded from past experience but a lot of men start or ramp up abuse during pregnancy and after birth, even when they've been wonderful for years beforehand.

Also nobody wants the father of their children to be snipping and snapping at them when they're constantly asking for their needs to be met, which can be very very constant.

Fingers crossed he bucks up his ideas and finds a better way to let off steam for his frustrations.

I'm sorry what??? How can you write that he is treating you this way, yet say he is wonderful?!

He absolutely isn't wonderful! He knocked you up and now resents that he needs to look after you. Jesus. Sex pest to boot!

What an absolute wanker. You poor thing, op.

I'm on tablets for bad morning sickness and they’ve helped loads, maybe make a Drs appointment.

"My husband is driving me to abort my much wanted baby, and I'm only 7 weeks pregnant, because he is treating me so badly while I'm so sick and he resents looking after me. He is also pestering me for sex. Should I LTB?"

I fixed it for you.

And, yes. You should LTB

I'm sorry you're going through this OP and that your DH is behaving like this. Pregnancy sickness can be really debilitating and you are NOT being pathetic in any way and can't just suck it up!

I was horribly ill between weeks 6-12 and for three of those weeks I was totally floored. I stayed off work and barely got out of bed. DH did everything. That wasn't him being particularly amazing, it was just normal and expected. It's his baby after all... and I have never felt so ill in my life.

I don't know what you can do about your DH and his behaviour but for now make sure you go to the GP and get anti sickness medication prescribed before things get any worse. Do you have a friend or family member you can ask for help? You shouldn't have to of course but if he's being useless then just make sure someone can look after you.

And please don't feel guilty at all.

Oh @Stephanieava, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

Your husband should be more understand and WANTING to help you, not make you feel like a burden for needing his support. I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to spend too much time dwelling on not spending as much time as you'd like with your DC. You're trying. You're trying your best and that's all he ever needs from you. Hopefully your morning sickness eases off soon, and then you'll be able to spend much more time as the 3 of you. I can't imagine how you're feeling with your back either, I ended up having surgery last year due to the same thing - please get this seen to as soon as possible, it's one of the most painful things I've ever experienced in my life and you absolutely do not need that when you're pregnant!

As for your husband being sexually frustrated.. tough. He does know that it'll be about 6 weeks of no sex after baby is born, right? I'm sure he's more than capable of taking care of himself.

Apologies if you've already answered as I've not read the full thread yet, but have you spoken to him about how he's making you feel? Sometimes all it takes is a single conversation to get everything out there and to move forward.

Wishing you lots of luck with your beautiful babies 💞

I think people in here are projecting. He did his air share before you were pregnant, so in that respect he's a good guy

Now he's having to do all the housework etc, be a mum by looking after the DC, be a carer for you, AND work! Seven weeks is a long time with this workload. You lost a lot of people on here when you said sexually frustrated. Guys use sex, or even a cheeky wank as a de-stressing tool... he probably hasn't even had time for that! I liken this to those longhaul flights where you haven't slept you've got jetlag and your partner could say the sky is blue and you'd bite their head off.

It sounds like it's just getting too much for him... and he's allowed to feel that way.

I agree with some of the other posters. Get your parents in, get a friend in, get a cleaner... anything to either reduce his workload a bit, or give him a day off to relax and unwind. It's only going to get harder, and you're in this together.

be a mum by looking after the DC

Some experts are now saying men can look after their own children.

@Stephanieava your partner isn't a great man, he's fed up with looking after you already and you're only 7 weeks pregnant ... presumably been nauseas only for the last 3 weeks as it can't really start any sooner. Does he realise you have another potential 33-35 weeks of this ?!?

Let me start by saying my Husband is an incredible man. he really isnt

Could you go and stay with your dm for a few days. A break for everyone. I had that sickness with all 3 pregnancies and it is horrendous. Especially with a toddler. I mostly just stayed in bed as felt better there and toddler joined me and we played little things together. It was extremely stressful for us all . The first pregnancy dh was a Saint.. the second he did OK but by the third he was extremely stretched. But it does end . In the middle of it l felt someone had injected poison into my body as my whole system was reacting..its hell.
The lack of sex is a step too far for your dh but otherwise ye all have my sympathy.

My first 2 pregnancies were smooth and easy but my third absolutely floored me. I had hypermesis and was practically bedridden for the first half of the pregnancy despite taking about 8/10 anti sickness meds per day. Granny was looking after the kids during the day and my partner was doing everything on top of working full time in a very physical job. He never once moaned, I could see it was pushing him to breaking point trying to manage it all and look after me too but he soldiered on. I’m sorry your husband is making you feel like a burden, I understand just how much work it is but it’s not your fault so he shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Please talk to your midwife, maybe some anti sickness might help take the edge off. Hope you are feeling better soon