to post a 'woo woo' question?

[ThisNoisyTealLurker]

I feel a bit ridiculous posting this but here goes:

I'll preface this by saying that I am a sceptical believer, that I have an interest in the supernatural but that I've never seen anything and that I don't fully believe in these things but I was brought up (from my mums side of the family) to believe that ghosts are real yada yada.

My mum passed away a couple of years back from the flu. She had a health condition but it was never believed to be as bad as it was, my mum was a very proud and independent woman who masked a lot of her symptoms. So her quick decline and eventual death was devastating for me and the rest of the family. I had a little time with her at the end to tell her I loved her and nothing was really left unsaid, no massive feelings of having let her down, nothing like that. Afterwards I took time off work, processed everything as best I could and I feel that I am in a place where I can think about her and remember our life together without feeling that sucker punch to the stomach.

I can't however stop wondering why she hasn't 'shown me a sign' that she's ok. Like I say, I'm a fairly rational person but I was brought up by my mum and grandma who always had stories to tell of their 'visitations from the other side' so in the back of my mind I'm still wondering if these things were real, why hasn't she shown me that she's ok?
I've had numerous dreams where I'm explaining to her that she died and comforting each other, even a dream where I showed her the engagement ring that my partner proposed to me with recently, could this be something?

Like I've banged on about, I'm not unhinged and I suspect this is all part of the grieving process but AIBU to ask if anyone here has had any 'visits from the other side' from their own loved ones

I’m sorry for your loss, OP, but dead people are dead. Regardless of their own beliefs about the supernatural, they don’t pay visits to the living. That’s just wish fulfilment on the part of the living. I had incredibly vivid dreams about my grandfather after he died, but they weren’t supernatural communications, they were just because I missed him — he was essentially another parent, as we lived with him.

My parents are still alive but a friend of mine lost her mother suddenly 2 years ago. She isn't as lonely as she thought she should be as she genuinely feels her mothers presence nearby. She feels as though she hasn't passed on yet.

I am Catholic and believe most people go to purgatory to be cleansed before heaven. I have prayed for the souls in purgatory, asked for help in return, and I have had unanswerable prayers answered. Our ancestors hear us. I do think they're still with us, just in another realm.

Apologies if my answer comes across as 'woo woo'. Its just what I believe and other faiths have a different take.

I’ve had many experiences that mean I’ve started to believe there is far more to us than we can possibly know.

IME the signs come when you’re having moments of feeling calmer and less desperately grieving. Don’t look for them.

Another open minded sceptic here.

I think there is more to it all than we will possibly ever know.

On the subject of dreams, I have had a recent dream about my late DP who died just over two years ago which included an element of physically feeling holding his hands as I sat with him which is not something I have encountered in dreams before. Previous dreams have included an element of being told I had to explain to him what had happened. In the recent one, the conversation implied he was in a new dimension and just "living" a different life.

Bottom line is if feeling or believing you are being visited in dreams helps you, take the comfort you want and need from it.

Sending love x

I've said this story before on MN but when my
Mums mum died there was a storm and our house was stuck and our aerial socket exploded - it was fine just needed a new cover. My mum always said that she'd make a storm when she died, she'd said this since I was 9 when my nan died, and used to say it all the time. My mum died when I was 40, it took her many weeks to die, and literally 20
Minutes after she died we had a huge storm, it was called a supercell thunderstorm, there were 3
Across the UK, over when i live, and also another where my brother lives!! it's in Wikipedia too, 28 June 2012), and was across the mid-north of the UK. I think it was my mum, I may be bonkers but she literally said it all the time, it was a bit of a joke 'yes mum I know you'll show me a sign with a storm when you die' ... make of it what you will be if nothing f else it was a huge coincidence - supercell storms, not that common in the UK, not just a rain cloud

I’m a total sceptic but a few years after DM died DH and I were having a discussion before going to sleep. We had a TV and video recorder ( it was 20yrs ago) in the bedroom, both had been turned off ready to sleep. All of a sudden the video recorder display lit up and the word NO appeared. Nothing else. DH looked at me and we laughed, DH claimed it was my DM commenting on our discussion.

There have been a few similar incidents over the years. DH calls them our “watching over” moments.

I think that they are just huge coincidences.

You see a lot of people getting all exited about random bird feathers. We have wood pigeons living in our garden so feathers are always floating around.

I believe that when we have very vivid dreams about the people we have lost, it's then visiting us.
It sounds like your mum is visiting you and lovely that you got to show her your ring 😊

That’s why I find it hard to believe in the after life, if my mum could come to me in anyway I know she would but she hasn’t so it must be impossible.

I subscribe to the block universe model. Your birth is out there in space-time. Your death, too, is in space-time. Every moment of your life is out there, somewhere, in space-time.

According to the block universe theory, the universe is a giant block of all the things that ever happen at any time and at any place. On this view, the past, present and future all exist — and are equally real.

So your mother is out there somewhere, cradling you as a baby, meeting your father for the first time, dropping you off at school etc.

I had a not dissimilar experience lately when my mum passed away last year. Like you, I’m sceptical, but I have experienced some things I can’t explain rationally so I keep a somewhat open mind.
Not long after Mum died I had to send off documents so went to the Post Office. I’d got other difficult things going on at the time so was already extremely unhappy at the time she died. I wanted to do some comforting rituals, candles, crystals, meditation etc to improve my mood and resilience. So I visited a nearby woo shop and chose some items, wanting a labradorite stone, possibly jewellery, for protection and healing.
I looked at some jewellery but didn’t see what I wanted and was about to just get the rest when I spotted a ring with an unusual and beautiful blue stone that really spoke to me. It was in my price range so I got it.
As she wrapped my goods the woman in the shop commented what a lovely opal ring I’d picked.
Opal is my birthstone and Mum liked to get me opal jewellery, particularly for special occasions. Call me daft if you will, but I felt that was a little parting gift from her and it brought me much comfort.

Gently, YABU, she hasn’t “shown you a sign” because this isn’t a real thing that happens.

I read a very interesting book called 'Forewarned' by Colm Keane years ago. It dealt with many stories of people who were forewarned about the impending yet sudden death of a sibling, spouse etc. Or they sensed a relative had died before being informed. A supernatural world appears to exist and perhaps we are all spiritually connected.

When my Mum died I used to pop into her house regularly to clean it, keep an eye on things and make it look lived in. For a few months after her death I felt that she was still there, I could feel her presence and the house felt as though there was still someone living in it. Then one time I went back there and there was nothing, it just felt like a cold, empty house, and it was as if she had finally gone.

I don't believe that anything happens after death, or that loved ones come to visit us.

My 13 year old DS passed away last week and there hasn't been anything woo happen, however, 10 minutes before he took his last breath a magpie flew into the patio window which was very unusual and hadn't happened before. I googled it afterwards and apparently a magpie in the window represents imminent death, so I do wonder if perhaps there is something in it?

I remember reading about the Aberfan mining disaster, and how many people had precognitive dreams and visions.
I think there was an organisation set up to see if other disasters like that could be predicted and prevented, but the visions people had were not detailed enough to base making any decisions on them.
I seem to remember someone had a precognitive dream about the psychologist involved which then came true!

I have precognitive dreams but the details don’t make sense until after the event, even though they can be very specific and accurate.

I’m so sorry 💐❤️

"You see a lot of people getting all exited about random bird feathers. We have wood pigeons living in our garden so feathers are always floating around."

I never believed the feather thing. I was sorting through my lift, I carried photos downstairs. As I was looking at pictures of my Mum, GPs, DH (all deased), downstairs a feather popped out of nowhere. The sudden energy in the room made me think of my grandad, he had a lovely gentle air about him.

@ThisNoisyTealLurker sometimes it's said that those without too many 'sins' pass completely over quickly. Which would explain my grandad still being about (but in a funny way, not nasty).

I don't believe in ghosts, but I believe people see them. In other words, I don't believe they have an objective existence - they are, I think, a kind of psychological hallucination.

People you love do live on in your mind and your heart. I can have conversations with my mum, who died 12 years ago, and hear her voice in my head. As long as people remember you and talk about you, you aren't gone completely, so I try to mention her and keep her alive in the memory of my children. Some of my parents' and my husband's parents' sayings have passed into folklore in the family and we enjoy keeping their memory alive this way. If there is any afterlife (which I don't think there is...) then I hope they find this funny!

Thomas Hardy wrote a wonderful poem about this in which he talks about 'the second death' - that is, when you're dead and so is everyone who knew and remembered you. Then, unless you are a famous person whose doings are recorded for posterity, you have well and truly gone!

I remember reading about the Aberfan mining disaster, and how many people had precognitive dreams and visions.

But if you think of the millions upon millions of people dreaming every day - someone on the earth is going to have a dream which chimes to some extent with a subsequent event. We simply make the connection because we're human and we have an urge to impose meaning on all kinds of random events. I think it's just good old coincidence!

I think ‘signs’ are often just wishful thinking - ordinary things that we suddenly notice and ascribe significance to because it’s comforting.

Having said that, I had some strange incidents with robins when my mum died, things that have never happened before or since.

On the day before she died I saw a dead robin, crushed in a car park, which was horrible - but when I got home I found another one, drowned in my garden, which was not only sad but quite unsettling; it felt very odd to have seen one dead bird, let alone two of the same type in one day. Mum died in the early hours of the next morning.

A week later I was walking alone in the woods behind my house, trying to clear my head. A robin landed on the path in front of me and waited there. It flew up onto a bush as I reached it, then flew ahead and waited again. It stayed with me for over half an hour, landing on branches right next to me, or on the path ahead. I know they can be quite tame, but it’s the only time that’s ever happened and was such a strange experience - it honestly felt like this little bird was keeping me company on my walk, at a time when I was crushed by grief.

I read afterwards that robins are seen by some as messengers of the dead, so make of that what you will! I still think it’s all just coincidental, but it was definitely a comfort at the time.

I’m sorry for your loss, OP. Do you think that because you’ve been raised to expect a sign from your mum that you might just be looking too hard for one? Whether you get an external ‘signal’ or not, she still lives on in your thoughts and memories and in your literal DNA, so you will always carry her with you regardless.

A few years after my step mother died I had a very vivid dream in which she gave me a well deserved clip around the ears ,so much so that I woke up and laughed . She was a very good step mum and I was quite a trial , so I fully understood why she made that flying visit !

Oh I agree, but the number of those having dreams or visions before the disaster were enough that a psychologist started to study.
I am starting to believe that these things are possible.

It sounds like dreams you are having are your way of experiencing her after death. So it's kind of a sign so to speak.
I don't really believe in this stuff, but I do often have dreams where my dad is alive again and I speak to him and we hang out together. It's quite comforting. But sad when you realise it's only a dream. It's still a spiritual experience though.

Your subconcious will be helping you process it all OP. I had a few dreams that my mum called me after she died, full on chats about apologies and telling me not to do certain things, where to find the stop-cock etc. It's quite overwhelming being the holder of the knowledge and processing it is hard.

I used to think she was sending me white feathers and changing the traffic lights for me to green men so I could cross the road without pushing the button too. You notice things that align with your need to still feel seen/protected by them, a form of cognitive dissonance. It helps you to get over them without being overwhelmed.

Robins and feathers.

That'll make you feel better if you think of her when you see either lovely robin or a single feather in the house. Throwing feather pillows about doesn't count.