About Friends wedding

[Scottishdreams1991]

Friend is getting married overseas next year which will be a childfree wedding. All good. Since it will be expensive and ultimately take our hoilday fund away. Dh and our 3 dc will come to so we can also have a hoilday. completes different hotel and roughly 20 -30 mins away from wedding. The plan was i would go to wedding etc while dh and dc do something else for the day.

Friend has told me that its not OK.
im i missing something here?

Has she not invited your DH or am I misreading this? Surely if you have an overseas or child free wedding you understand some people will not be able to attend.

I wouldn’t go then if that’s her attitude. She cannot object to you taking your family to that country and staying in another hotel, that does not impact on her in anyway. I’d end up not going as I find her whole attitude to that crazy. I’d want to find what problem she’s got with that as I’d be baffled as to what’s up with doing that

Friend has told me that its not OK.
im i missing something here?

Yes, the bit where you ask her what she is on about and, unless you feel she has a point, where you tell her that she's a nutter.

I wouldn't go. Her attitude stinks

If she isn’t happy with you going out of your way to attend her wedding, just decline. It’s not worth the hassle. Go on your family’s first choice holiday instead.

I would imagine she has a package whereby their guests stay at the designated accommodation, pay for it, & the finances are going to be buggered if guests stay elsewhere.

But this isn't your problem if she hasn't been upfront.

I'd just tell her that you are happy to drop out & wish her well.

I absolutely wouldnt be going, how dare she dictate, wtf is wrong with people when it comes to their weddings they turn into selfish bastards.

At a push I'd say she's upset because your DH will not be attending, but will be elsewhere with the kids - if as I'm assuming he was also invited. She sees this as a snub to her and her wedding. That's my take on it.

I wouldn't lose the head over it, but I'd try to find out exactly what the issue is. Point out to her that this is the only way you could attend since kids are verboten, i.e. on your own with either DH and family at home or nearby where you can all enjoy a few days in the country.

If she is still sniffing and getting the hump, ask her if you are welcome or not. Let her decide.

I think I know why she's saying NO!
I was in the exact same position... Friend said that wasn't ok, as she wanted me to spend a few days with her and her family.
She was so adamant about it that in the end we booked a totally different country and I didn't go at all.

I would just say thank you for the invite, unfortunately, we cannot end.

Spend your holiday fund on your family for a place you actually want to go.

Weddings really do bring out the worst in people. I'm really curious to hear what she thinks isn't ok!

F

What exactly did she say??

I would tell her you are no longer attending the bloody wedding. Also, 'd end the friendship. She doesn't get to tell people where and when they can go on holiday. She's massively taking the piss!

Don't go to the wedding and just enjoy your holiday? Or if it's not somewhere you'd actually want to go then try and change it?

Surely she'd be delighted you are going?!

What a strange reaction to a decent solution.

And that her wedding will only be a part of your lovely time, not the main focus of it. I might be being cynical, but I think that’s what has probably annoyed her. She wants her wedding to be the whole point of everyone being there- not what someone takes a day out of their own holiday to attend. She’s being very unreasonable, but then so is everyone who expects people to turn up to these expensive destination weddings.

Accidentally pressed YABU but I meant YANBU!

I suspect she has a package deal with the hotel which includes her having to fill a particular number of bedrooms and you've scuppered that, you may not be the first to do this and that might explain her unreasonable/rude reply.

Surely nobody, nobody actually communicates in such a passive aggressive way with a close friend?

If she’s a friend close enough to plan your precious family holiday time around her wedding, just ask her what’s worrying her about the arrangement.

A clear conversation is the least a friend deserves. Not this sort of nonsense immature reply.

Your “friend” is a diva. Skip the wedding and just have the holiday! 🤣

At a guess? Why haven't you just asked her why she thinks it's not ok?

You really must find out what element of this she’s not ok with, just so you can update us on here who have absolutely no idea what she’s possibly objecting to. The mind boggles.

Unless as others have suggested it’s all about getting the numbers in the designated hotel that ultimately gives bride and groom free accommodation themselves!

What the hell is wrong with all these brides do my head in. Tell her politely that you won't be going then and how you do not understand her issue with it as at a separate hotel. Spend the money on yourself and your family and let her feck right off, selfish woman.

Unless this is a destination you really want to go to as a family, I'd give her a call, see if she's a little more reasonable on the call. Find out the problem. - this is a very generous step, btw, considering her rudeness - and if she basically has any response other than "I'm sorry, I'm actually really pleased that you'll be there", then decline the invitation and go on holiday to a destination you want.

Lots of us get stupid through stress when planning a wedding and even more of us don't fully understand kids before we have them (especially if we're not around kids much). Nobody's perfect. But you don't need to accept be treated poorly either. She's being ridiculous right now.