To feel constantly afraid of doing something wrong or being 'told off'?

[butitlooktothesky]

I've been reflecting on why I have such a fear of driving, and I realise because I'm terrified of doing something wrong. Obviously worst case scenario is because it could mean someone gets hurt or worse, or somebody's car or property gets damaged, etc. But I also worry about little things that even highly experienced drivers do as a part of being a human, like maybe pulling out on a car and causing them to slow down because you misjudged how fast they were approaching, or missing a chance to pull out at a roundabout when you could have gone due to hesitation, etc.

I've been thinking about it and realising that I worry about doing something wrong or being told off or publicly shamed constantly. If I'm in the supermarket I constantly worry about being in the way of others, or if I brush past someone accidentally I feel so guilty. When I take my dog for a walk I worry about him weeing on someone's front wall or hedge and being shouted at. My dog did a poo right in the middle of the path the other day, I couldn't stop him as it was too late by the time I noticed, usually he will only go on grass. But he did it in front of someone's house, and obviously I picked it up but I spent the rest of the walk worried that they would be annoyed he did it outside their house, and would post on the local Facebook group about it...

Is anyone else who worries about things like this?

You sound very anxious, I think you need to seek help to get to the bottom of this as it is no way to live your life.

I'm worrying about you worrying about driving.. a very anxious driver like yourself should not be driving.
I'd see your GP for anxiety

How did your parents respond to you if you did something wrong?

Could be anxiety, could be codependency
Either way, you can recover 🥰

I know what you mean, I feel the same…I think it’s an anxiety disorder, I’ve tried CBT and meditation, but probably didn’t stick with it long enough to see a difference.

I think you need to and get professional help - it's not normal to worry like that all the time.

You need to get help for this, its a huge over reaction.

I think you might have OCD. I feel for you OP, it must be so debilitating.

This sounds like severe anxiety and no, it absolutely isn’t normal. The language you use, “constantly”, “terrified”, “so guilty”, “spent the rest of the walk worried”, and imagining scenarios of people posting on Facebook, shows how badly you’re affected.

Please seek diagnosis and treatment. There are some forms of OCD that cause people to worry so badly about hurting someone / causing an accident if they go out, that they end up almost housebound. At the moment you still recognise that the problem is your thoughts, so if you get treatment now, you hopefully won’t slide into more severe illness.

I'm worrying about you worrying about driving.. a very anxious driver like yourself should not be driving.

I take it that the OP knows that she is a safe driver but worries unnecessarily. Judgement from others probably makes it worse.

I've been feeling a bit like this too and I think it's because people generally have become a lot less tolerant in recent years and seem so angry and impatient. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in (busy London suburb), the shit state of the country, post covid rage or what but the road rage and general intolerance of others round here has become awful, horns beeping constantly, often for no good reason. Yes, if someone does something potentially dangerous then they deserve to be told off but not going at a roundabout when perhaps could've done if you put your foot down can still provoke an angry outburst in some. I certainly feel more pressurised on the roads and elsewhere these days.

I'll admit I too sometimes find myself swearing under my breath when someone is dithering, be it on the roads or in the supermarket, but unlike some I manage to keep it to myself as I know it's my problem, not theirs.

How was your childhood? Were your parents emotionally stable? Did you spend any of your childhood around someone with unpredictable mood swings?

I've always been the same. Always terrified of doing something wrong. Scared of being in someone's way, of inconveniencing someone, of hurting someone's feelings etc etc.

I wish I just didn't care!

I'm the same with driving as well, I haven't driven since my test because I'm so scared of it going wrong.

I’m like this except I’m a confident driver, everything else you’ve said really resonates. I was brought up by a very angry parent, I was and still am constantly shouted at, criticised and told I’ve said and done the wrong thing. If I could I’d be invisible to the world as I always seem to have to apologise for my existence and I get really worried about doing anything wrong.
However I am confident with driving and doing my job, I enjoy both and can do them well. Would some driving lessons help with your confidence a bit more?

This is EXACTLY why I don’t drive even though I’ve passed my test 😕

I wonder where this comes from too. I hope someone will come on soon with some psychological insights.
I feel like this, but have noticed it getting better with age.
I am not sure that it is totally pathological, so do not try to get yourself locked up, but a bit of research into it might be a good thing.
Best of luck!

I'm like this OP, it drives DH a bit potty sometimes as I'm constantly worrying about what others think and he gently tries to remind me that most people don't even notice the things I'm worrying about. I have generalised anxiety disorder and have had CBT in the past, but counselling was probably more beneficial than the CBT to be honest. My parents, while lovely, were quite strict when I was growing up, although I was such a naturally anxious kid I never got into trouble or really did anything wrong. However, I was acutely aware of how disappointed they would be with me if I ever did mess up, and that's definitely fuelled some of it. I'd recommend counselling, it did help me to understand my thoughts processes more.

Also to add, I did used to drive but was still very anxious about doing something wrong and would only drive places I knew and not on the motorway. Sadly I was in a horrific car crash last year. I was actually just a passenger but a drunk driver crashed into us at top speed and it was a miracle he didn't kill or seriously injure us. However, I haven't driven since because I'm now so hyper aware of everything happening on the road and I'd worry about not concentrating properly. Which is extremely frustrating as I'd never had any crashes or bumps before and was always so careful, whereas the drunk twat who nearly killed us wasn't remotely bothered about what he did.

A life of having ADHD did this to me. Not understanding why you were in trouble, always waiting to be told off for something etc.

I spent my twenties like this. Finally went to the doctor and have been medicated for anxiety ever since. For me, absolutely transformative.

Yes, I have crippling anxiety, mostly social anxiety (fear of driving is part of that in my case) & was brought up feeling I was in the wrong basically just for existing.

Years of therapy & medication have helped a little.

Are you a heavy user of social media/doom scrolling?

PPs who mentioned OCD - there is a subtype of the disorder known as Responsibility OCD. Further info;

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/responsibility-ocd-what-is-it-and-what-can-you-do-about-it

Agree with this- it's obsessional thinking. I really think you should see your GP OP as this isnt normal and it sounds very distressing for you and is affecting your daily life.

You dont have to live like this.

This is me!

I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm in the way and scared of being told off our shouted at. Driving is definitely a trigger. There's a junction at a roundabout near me that is very tricky to get out of... the only way you're getting out of it at rush hour is to push your way into the traffic. I got beeped at once by a very impatient BMW and it took me days to stop thinking about it.

I would never have a party or play loud music in my flat for fear of disturbing anyone, even though I know they wouldn't give a moment's thought about disturbing me. Silly things like if I'm in a supermarket, browsing biscuits or whatever, and someone stands behind me wanting to look where I'm looking then I will move out the way for them even if I haven't finished.

I quite like having a massage but I struggle to enjoy them because I'm thinking that the massage therapist probably doesn't want to be doing it or is bored.

I worry about asking people for help with something in case they blow up at me. I worry that if I ask for clarification on something they'll lose their shit.

If I had a dog I'd be exactly the same as you. I spend my life wanting to make myself as small and invisible as possible.

My dad had explosive mood swings, which I think explains it. God help me if I asked something more than once, and god forbid I inadvertently stood in the way of the lamp so he couldn't read his paper. If I asked my mum a question she either responded with 'mm hmm', i.e. not listening, or 'Give me strength child'. I always felt like I was in the way, and was so often in trouble for things but didn't understand why.

ETA: I also have OCD, including repetitive thoughts. So if something sets me off it will endlessly repeat through my mind for days.