AIBU to wish that there was an alternative site to MN?

[whyhere]

So often here I just despair and walk away. Currently there are a number of threads where OPs in awful circumstances get jumped on as though they are the problem. But then I forget to cancel notifications so still get emails about various threads. If I see a subject that I have some knowledge about I get dragged back in, in case I can be helpful. Every time I regret it, because the nastiness of a small but persistent number of posters is just so depressing.

Are there any similar sites to MN, but without the dreadful unpleasantness?

No one is making you use mumsnet

Netmums?

Weird OP.

Try NetMums.

For goodness sake, just unsubscribe or whatever.

I think people get carried away by the power of anonymity. They wouldn’t make the same comments on Facebook and they certainly wouldn’t do so in person.

I have just read comments criticising a woman for doing a 10 minute car journey in her dressing gown (with clothes underneath) FFS!

Well since you can like posts in here I think things have got worse - posters trying to outdo each other for the laughs. Which is sometimes funny but also I don't think in the general spirit.

I am on holiday at the moment and even in a year standards have changed here - for the worse. So it's a worldwide issue not just mumsnet

i may have already had three Proseccos so pinch of salt me if you like (see what I do for
likes 😂)

Hey @whyhere i actually agree with many of your observations.

three thoughts:

1. Try and get off AIBU. A lot of people mistake AIBU for Mumsnet in its entirety. It isn’t. Some of the other boards on Mumsnet are far more nuanced
2. Ignore all the people saying “go to Netmums”. It all falls under the vibe on here where people think the proposition of “AIBU?” should act as a cover for depressed middle class women to have a vicious kick out at anyone who dares to voice problems. The same people who say AIBU has to be “robust” and people “don’t like their arses handed to them”. I call bullshit on this. Not everything has to be abusive on this forum. We can speak well to each other.
3. Start your own forum! No, seriously, I’d happily have a look if you did, I think it could be a real tonic. Why not?

I read that thread and didn't find it particularly unpleasant. Poster asked for opinions. It's a large site so there will always be some sharp comments and disagreements, but on the whole I find it an interesting and supportive place.
OP, do you know you can hide boards if you choose? If I'm feeling fragile I hide the AIBU board.

Just turn your notifications off, and don't get involved where you don't want to.

But surely that's the point, she's looking for an alternative?
I get what you mean OP, I come here because I enjoy the fact there's a good range of topics discussed and some posts are very entertaining but yeah there can be some really obnoxious responses posted in response to some quite innocuous posts.
I'm not sure what the answer is because I imagine you'll get this on most other forums too, people aren't always kind or pleasant unfortunately!

What a perfect illustration of the point of OP was making!

😮

do you remember when kids were small and you used to say 'not every thought that comes into your head has to come out of your mouth'

i still live by this but not everyone does

You may find a Gardener's forum less stressy and bitchy, altho once you get people started on begonias, they can get a bit secateurs at dawn...
You don't have to have a MN account. You don't even have to search for MN. Neither of these things are compulsory, it is your choice.
So stop your moaning, let those of us who enjoy a good bun-fight/bitch-fest scratch each other's eyes out and then laugh about a ridiculousluy funny thread, do so while you find an alternative 'peace and love, man' site

Ignore all the people saying “go to Netmums

the OP literally asked were there any similar less ‘nasty’ forums out there

so yes Netmums seems much gentler

It's online chat/social media, it comes with the territory. You can't choose your company on any such site, you could be (likely to be!) posting alongside someone you'd avoid like the plague in RL. I would never ask the advice of unqualified strangers in RL, thus I wouldn't do it online! I read MN, twitter et al for a few minutes per day, anything more is genuinely NOT good for the soul! 😊

well i could say "don't let the door hit your backside on the way out"

or i could say: then counter those posts with better posts? report to MN for harassment. Start threads, post more of the posts you want to see etc etc.

TBH i think a lot of the posts are AI and people respond to them as intended, with feeling.

Well, they have a point...😀😀

Well theirs Netmums. But last time I went there it was all 'OMG babe' and 'You OK hun' and no matter how in the wrong the OP was everyone just agreed with them. Which personally I can't handle.
Also the twee little sign offs
'mama to 3 little angels'
all in different fonts and colours 😬
Not for me.

I agree there are a few folk here who go out of their way to gaslight and put down anyone brave enough to post anything. I have particular disdain for those posters who salivate over every new post in the hope they can be first to reply with some nasty crap in an attempt to set the tone of the replies and encourage a pile on. It’s really hard to ignore. There are amazing people on there but yes, the folk you’re referring to really do make a lot of threads really depressing, I’m surprised anyone even feels like posting anything anymore sometimes, but I guess that they’re on any alternative sites too. I wish I could block certain posters, it’d be great.

I dont think anything would be different anywhere else- it's a public internet site and that means you'll get trolls, people being rude behind a user name wherever you go. I've seen people be incredibly rude on Facebook too.

I think this is more about - if something is making you feel vulnerable or a bit rubbish then simply dont engage in it. If I am feeling a bit raw I dont come on here at all and I avoid threads which I know will turn nasty because why would I put myself in situations that make me feel bad? There is literally nothing to be gained from that. So, when I feel wobbly, I listen to empowering and uplifting audio books or podcasts. It's really about knowing yourself and your limits and taking control over your environment. It's kind of like- would you choose to spend time with someone in real life who was rude and mean to you?- I'm guessing no, so the same applies here. If a thread upsets you then disengage from it and do something else. Its honestly really empowering to listen to your feelings and act accordingly.

If only there was some other forum for communication on this ‘internet’ thing…

whythere. I beg to differ,I like this site immensely.Yes some people may be rude, ,but I find most posters are supportive, and there are few sites as supportive of women .Another well known site can be quite brusque .I dont think you will find another better one.It got me through Lockdown ,and I am having Treatment for a health issue soon .Bright side ,I can pop on here while resting at home .Feels like a giant coffee morning with 16 million friends to chat to!

Your choice to leave. Most discussion or social media sites seem a lot worse to me.

There was Femvox for a while, but it folded even though it had several hundred members, which seems to show that, even with the best will in the world, starting an internet forum isn't an easy job. Don't think there's anything else out there at the moment.

I think your post is exactly the vibe the op is referring to. Derogatory comments about "depressed middle class women" is not exactly "in the spirit".

Some people are nasty. Some people are supportive. Mental health status or so-called class is irrelevant to that.