My MIL lives alone in a remote-ish part (15 minutes drive to nearest village and 30 minutes to nearest city) of West Scotland. It is hard to reach and at the top of a mountain.
Alongside my husband she has two other children (45-58 ages) but neither have children nor anything nearing full time jobs. Her daughter would like her to move into her outbuilding and pay to do it up or to move near her in their village in Wales. It is a lovely village but she doesn’t particularly like her daughter and very much dislikes her daughter’s husband. On family occasions everyone gets on but when they’re not there she cannot be negative enough about them and is extremely judgemental about them both, especially about their size and weight (as her daughter has put on quite a lot of weight in the last decade and is 25 stone plus). Ironically MIL is also a larger lady. She is also someone that passes a lot of judgement on everyone and their situations, and frankly nothing is ever enough. As someone with a relaxed mother who never passed comment I find it quite tricky to deal with but never bite back and just say I’ll bear that in mind when she gives unsolicited advice and opinions.
The other child who is her favourite lives on the Isle of Man which his wife but there has been no mention either side of her moving there. I think because there is no NHS.
Whenever we have last seen her she has suggested moving near to us in Staffordshire. We live in a rural village and I work from home 99% of the time and the children (2 year old boy and 1 year old boy) are with a super local nanny. Husband works away 3-4 days a week around the UK so I am alone a lot of the week although my own mum helps a lot.
I really don’t want her to move nearby as she is a supremely judgemental person and spends all the time negatively opining on others or giving me unsolicited advice. However I feel guilty as she is in her early 80s and struggles to walks far and we have her only grandchildren so although I know she should move somewhere more sensible I don’t want to encourage a move to near us. She would know no one and beyond my very demanding job and children I’d have her to feel guilty about. We also live in a village with hardly any facilities and no public transport.
She can drive and walk short distances with a stick but her health isn’t great so I’m worried her care will quickly fall to me on top of everything else. Even when she has two other children who don’t work full or even part time, as I would be closest! They both own their own homes and have quite a bit of money too.
I should add her and I get on but I find being around her quite stressful due to her constant judging of others.
AIBU to not encourage her to move near us? How would you nicely dissuade her without outright saying please no?