Partner gave me ex girlfriend's souvenir

[AmIbeingtooprecious]

Tell me if I'm being ridiculous....

My partner of a year bought over some things I'd left round his, mostly a bag of toiletries. However amongst the belongings he put in a souvenir from a holiday he had with his ex girlfriend before me (a pen from a zoo they went to).

I'm pretty peeved as I think it was insensitive and how did he not realise it wasn't mine.

Should I bring it up with him or just leave it?

Bloody hell. This does not bode well for the future.

Are you the same poster who thought he was cheating because the aubergine emoji was somewhere in his top emojis?

Going to echo many posters above - work on your self esteem issues and trust issues before he moves in and realises his every move will be analysed for signs of betrayal

Work on your insecurities. If you don’t you will kill the good relationships with the bad. Like someone shooting a kitten thinking its a ghost.

If you want to keep this relationship work on yourself before he moves in. His friends should be advising him to hold off this move. It's not his responsibility to manage your insecurities.

"He knows me so he shouldn't do xyz" is not a healthy foundation for anything.

It's a pen. Not important. He knows it's not his so thinks it's yours...

It's. A. Pen.

Is this the first time something like this has peaked your anxiety with him?

If you're going to be like this over a pen - and it's not about the pen, is it, it's the fact he actually has a past, as you do - what else are you going to do later? Over nothing?

The poor guy. I'm assuming he must really love you, as you're going to live together.

But his life is going to be hell unless you do something about your anxiety. Whatever caused it, you've told yourself, you've told us about it - well done.

There's a next step now - you need therapy, for yourself and for him and for your relationship.

I think it's a message. He's handed your stuff back as you're moving too fast. He doesn't want you moving in. The pen is a red herring here. He's telling you to cool it.

Oh sorry he's moving in with you not the other way round. Ignore this then :)

My one word of advice is don't feel you can't ask him to move out if it's not working. This doesn't have to be forever.

Isn't it much better that it's not something he cares about enough to realise it was hers rather than a treasured memento of their love? You're attaching more significance to it than he does. It's a pen and if you give it back it'll come back again when he moves in. Who knows what of his or your stuff has associations with exes. Enjoy the present relationship and deal with your deep insecurity so it doesn't get so out of hand.

Grow up

Don’t mention the pen at all. Either keep it or bin it. Don’t make an issue out of nothing. It’s just a pen that she left and he assumed it’s yours as it’s not his. That’s all there is to it.

I’d tell him. Surely he’d remember he went to the zoo on holiday with ex and not you? I think it’s really strange he’s given it to you unless he has severe memory issues!

Throw the pen away, and start to work on why you hate that he has exes - if you don't for sure you will drive him away and become another ex.

And this is exactly how people deliberately wind up their partners and then are surprised that the relationship doesn’t work out.

As PP has said it just goes to show he has no feelings or memories attached to the pen, it’s just a pen, he knows it’s not his so thought it was yours.
DH and I have been married for 25 years (he was married before) every so often he’ll say “do you remember when we went to…..) I just reply “wrong wife” and we move on with our day.

Bloody hell there is insecure and there is this....

Dont mention the pen. It would achieve nothing other than to make him feel bad about it. That is selfish behaviour.

this is the main issue:
I am DEEPLY insecure and hate the fact he has exes, I know its daft as I have them too. He knows I'm like this so I guess that's why it wound me up.
you are the issue and you said you are trying to better yourself. In what way are you trying to stop this behaviour?

I hope you're getting a new bed. You've probably shagged your exes in the current one...

I had a boyfriend with behaviours and thought patterns similar to yours. He damaged my mental health. We split up and I felt relief.

Please get some help, you are not currently fit to be in a relationship.

There really is no need to worry. It's not as if you found it in a box with photos of them both, clippings of her hair or an old pair of her knickers.

The pen is mightier than your word 😎

We do exactly the same! And sometimes it was something we genuinely did together and I forgot too. But the phrase "wrong girlfriend/boyfriend" were definitely a firm feature in our conversations for the first 3 years of a relationship. But, unlike the OPs case, it's an inside joke rather than a point of contention.

Why do you feel so strongly about him having exes and what have you done to address this? It isn't a stable basis for moving in together

MN can be very unforgiving when women admit to their insecurities. You’re deserving of a loving relationship despite having insecurities and a loving relationship is in fact very healing and provides a good environment for moving towards security (earned secure).

Take control and throw the pen away. Make a little ritual out of it if it helps. Journal your feelings and then throw away the pages. Seek some reassurance from your partner in a calm way (non accusing), because deep down that is what you are looking for.

It's a pen...? Why would you even care?!

Hey, it's hard finding a nice writer, keep the thing!

Really though, he probably just thought 'Here's a pen, it's not mine, must be yours'. I really wouldn't think anything into it at all. If he was giving you her lingerie to wear, my ears would prick up 😆

There may be other bits and pieces that he finds but try and see past these bits and look at what's happening. He's finding these things now as he's preparing to move in with you and start your new chapter together ❤