Partner gave me ex girlfriend's souvenir

[AmIbeingtooprecious]

Tell me if I'm being ridiculous....

My partner of a year bought over some things I'd left round his, mostly a bag of toiletries. However amongst the belongings he put in a souvenir from a holiday he had with his ex girlfriend before me (a pen from a zoo they went to).

I'm pretty peeved as I think it was insensitive and how did he not realise it wasn't mine.

Should I bring it up with him or just leave it?

I guess because it's just puzzled me. It would be like me giving him one of my exes souvenirs.

I wish I wasn't bothered by it.

And are you going to be bothered by it less if you make a big deal out of it with him? I doubt it. You'll just create more drama over nothing.
Honestly, binning it would be the first step of unhooking yourself from these unhelpful thoughts. Try it, you might be surprised how easy it is.

He's moving in with you not anyone else, so that should give you a great sense of security.

If a pen winds you up though, you're going to have trouble not too far down the line. Presumably you have your reasons but you do need to do something to help yourself in the long run.

I think his life with you is going to be very difficult.

You're not wrong, I know I'm hard work and am trying to better myself hence asking MN for advice.

Is it a nice writer? I'd check this first as nice writers are hard to find!

I do think you're slightly over reacting. Just chuck it if you don't want it. I don't think you would gain anything by bringing it up.

How do you know it is exes pen though?

Because I know where they went on holiday and it's a girly colour.

Annoyingly it is a nice writer 😂

You need to sort this out before this guy uproots his life to move in with you. It’s not healthy and it’s not sustainable - you WILL fuck this up, so do you both a favour and hold off on moving in until you’ve done some extensive work on yourself.

Not allowed to say girly colour any more, any boy or girl can like any colour 😉🤣

Yes whoops silly me. Ummm it's not a colour he would pick, there we go 😁

Then choose not to be, choose to see this through a generous lens (of no consequence to him) rather than choosing a course of action that will lead to strife.

There is no way I would be entertaining a conversation that went but why over a pen. Acting out your insecurities is the motorway route to being single again (as it should be)

If I was his friend I'd be telling him to run a mile and certainly not to move in with you. Hating the fact that he has exes isn't just daft, it's a gigantic red flag. Sort yourself out FFS.

What does this mean? It sounds rather unpleasant and a little bit scary.

He’s not handed you her engagement ring, mate, he’s handed you a biro.

He noticed it wasn’t one he bought so assumed it was yours.

Use it, bin it, whatever.

It’s a bloke thing! Let it go if everything else is ok.

When you find strange hairs in the bed which aren’t yours, hair grips not yours on the spare room floor of a random false nail not yours under your joint bed, you can start worrying.

Blokes are just useless at observation and in my experience, covering their tracks.

I resent the implication that as a woman I'm naturally expected to notice or care about this utterly meaningless thing. 100% would do neither.

Presumably if he's moving in with you all his stuff is coming with him - including the pen...

It's a nice writing pen? Keep the fucker.

You really need to get a grip on this stuff or your relationship with him is going to go tits up.

If it makes you feel better my now husband gave me the engagement ring he'd bought to propose to his ex fiancee with, now that's insensitive 😂.

You've got to laugh haven't you?

Look, it's a pen. He knew it wasn't his, I can pretty much guarantee he thought absolutely nothing beyond that. Pen not mine must be yours. This is your low self esteem talking here, it's nothing he's done, there doesn't need to be a whole 'pengate' thing. Work on your self esteem. He's with you because he wants to be. That means he thinks you're great. That's wonderful. Have a happy life. Don't fret about a pen.

In the nicest of ways OP, he has a past and you need to get a grip and get over it. He clearly didn’t feel sentimental or remember his ex when he picked up the pen. As it’s a nice writer, keep it as a souvenir of how ex she is!

Thank you for being so kind ❤️

If you don’t want the pen just quietly bin it. He obviously doesn’t care about it or see it as a treasured possession otherwise he’d of known it was his and not put it in your things. There’s no point in mentioning it, what good would it do? Remind him of the lovely holiday he had with his ex? Just bin it move on and in the nicest possible way work on your self esteem

Yep. Very.

He needs to run for the hills!

OP, please please do something about your insecurities before he gives up his own place to move in with you. You aren't being fair or sensible. Get yourself in a good, healthy, resilient frame of mind first and only move in together steadfast and sure of yourself. It'll save both of you a lot of heartache.

I notice you've not replied to any posts that have said similar to this. You don't have to of course, but I hope you're seriously considering these posts and will genuinely take on board what we're saying. Currently, this is a recipe for disaster!

Just chuck the pen if it upsets you . A pen does not a relationship make.