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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex boyfriend's jumper

28 replies

sunshinecg · 03/05/2024 14:55

I have been with my husband for nearly 8 years, we have two wonderful children together but we got into a little argument as I have a ex boyfriends hoodie which I wear every so often and he thinks it's a but strange.
For clarification I had a boyfriend in between said ex and husband and I have absolutely zero feelings for ex I just love the hopdie as it's oversized and extremely comfortable.
AITA for continuing to wear said hoodie?

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 03/05/2024 14:56

I wouldn't be happy with that, though, would you?

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 14:57

It is strangely personal. You've hung onto it for the best part of a decade. Could you not just buy a new hoodie? This isn’t a hill to die on.

JacquiDaytona · 03/05/2024 14:58

I think it’s fine, it’s definitely been long enough that it’s yours now! Maybe you just shouldn’t have told him where it came from.

ByUmberViewer · 03/05/2024 14:58

I don't think I would deliberately make someone I love uncomfortable

JacquiDaytona · 03/05/2024 14:58

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 14:57

It is strangely personal. You've hung onto it for the best part of a decade. Could you not just buy a new hoodie? This isn’t a hill to die on.

But also absolutely agree. Just get a new one if it’s a big issue.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/05/2024 14:58

Seeing as you've told him, you need to give it to charity shop. It's an intimate cute boyfriend thing to wear a man's hoodie.

Your DH needs to give you one of his though

ZipZapZoom · 03/05/2024 15:00

Honestly yes I'd find it weird if my partner still owned and used their exs hoody. It's quite an odd thing to hang on to for roughly a decade unless you've some sentimental attachment to it given comfy hoodies are hardly difficult to find.

WhingeInTheWillows · 03/05/2024 15:00

Bin it. It’s a simple thing to do to make someone you love happy. There are many, many other hoodies in the world.

CountingCrones · 03/05/2024 15:10

He’s being an idiot. What part of “happily married with two wonderful children” is making him feel insecure?

It’s from long before you knew him, it’s a comfortable oversized hoodie, and it’s been yours for far longer than it was anyone else’s.

Remind him it is a jumper, not a lifelong commitment. Hell, if the only thing about this ex worth remembering is an item of clothing you pinched, there’s not much to be jealous of, is there?

oui · 03/05/2024 15:11

Of course it's weird. And you know it is.

Taishan · 03/05/2024 15:12

Cut it up in-front of him, just not worth the painful accusations.

LadyKenya · 03/05/2024 15:16

Don't bin it, or cut it up. Just take it to a charity shop, so someone else can benefit from it.

TwelveAngryWhiskers · 03/05/2024 15:21

I have an ex’s jumper that he gave to me because it had a small hole in it (which in hindsight is a bit odd). It’s merino wool and really comfortable, so I wear it around the house when it’s cold. I have no feelings for him, other than the ick because he turned out to be a twat. No way I’d be putting it in the bin just because my husband decided it was weird 8 years after we got together.

Testina · 03/05/2024 15:23

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 14:57

It is strangely personal. You've hung onto it for the best part of a decade. Could you not just buy a new hoodie? This isn’t a hill to die on.

Refusing to be told that you can’t wear an innocuous bit of clothing that you like is a hill to die on though.

That said - OP only said it was a “little argument” and the husband said it was a “bit strange” - so I’m not sure their conversation was even a big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️

AntisocialPotNoodle · 03/05/2024 15:30

I can't imagine thinking a hoodie was strangely personal or intimate 😐Keep it and wear it, it's a top that keeps you warm, nothing more.

TwelveAngryWhiskers · 03/05/2024 17:50

A pair of boxer shorts, on the other hand…

Viviennemary · 03/05/2024 17:53

I can see why your DH isn't happy about this. Maybe it's time to give it to a charity shop.

gannett · 03/05/2024 18:01

ByUmberViewer · 03/05/2024 14:58

I don't think I would deliberately make someone I love uncomfortable

I don't think I could love a man who was so irrational.

It's a comfy old hoodie from two boyfriends ago. It's not remotely intimate or a sign of lingering feelings. It's completely innocuous.

pinkyredrose · 03/05/2024 18:02

MILTOBE · 03/05/2024 14:56

I wouldn't be happy with that, though, would you?

Why?

Haydenn · 03/05/2024 18:04

Spend £20 buy another hoodie that’s too big and stop upsetting your husband for no reason. I don’t think this is a hill to die on.

Pheasantsmate · 03/05/2024 18:05

How does he even know it belongs to an ex? Wouldn’t you just tell him first off it’s yours, or a brothers or something.

PossumintheHouse · 03/05/2024 18:06

Why did you tell him where it came from, you fool?

Trulyme · 03/05/2024 18:10

If my partner had an issue with me keeping something of an ex’s, then I would get rid of it.

It’s pretty shitty to keep something that you know upsets him/makes him feel uncomfortable, just because you find it comfy to wear.

OhYoko · 03/05/2024 18:35

Until it got bleached and ruined in the midst of cleaning some ruined baby grows a few years ago I had a Nirvana t shirt that not only was my exes, but his exes. It had somehow ended up left in a drawer, I wore it when I was at his, liked it, ended up keeping it, it became a shirt of mine. It's now in my rotation of "comfy for bed and sobbing" and sometimes my preteen daughter wears it for the same purpose.

No feelings for the ex or, indeed, his ex. It just sort of ended up sticking around, as some weird flotsam and jetsam does in life.

So no, I don't think your partner should care about the hoody.

toomuchfaff · 03/05/2024 18:36

Wow am seriously shocked the amount of people telling you to ditch a piece of clothing because someone else once owned it and the partner has unreasonable upset.

I'd tell him he's being absolutely ridiculous, why does he have an issue with it? Is it simply it's history? Does he think you harbour feelings? Do you often look back bleary eyed to the time when ex was around? Does he have imposter syndrome wondering whether today is gonna be the day you finally leave him because you're just too good for him? Is he lacking in confidence? Does he hold feelings for ex's that he's projecting into you?

it's not like you're sitting in the hoodie listening to the top 10 and crying about what could have been! It's a fkin hoodie. Do people not have pieces if clothing that are so seriously comfy? I'd deal with the underlying issues.