@KikiShaLeeBopDeBopBop 5 years between us. 25 & 30. I have lots of friends/colleagues around 25 (and tbh don’t feel like I’m older than 25..!) so it didn’t feel like much of an age gap now we’re adults. I’m also v close to 2 other mutual cousins aged 22 & 27 (they’re sisters). I guess I was trying to make more of an effort with this one especially given she’s so far geographically (US) and the dates worked so we were both excited.
@Shinyandnew1 @WitchyWay
I didn’t mention that I overheard straight away. Just asked if I’ve done or said something to upset her (answer was omg no), if she can feel the tension (yes she’s been uncomfortable from basically the moment I arrived), ok I haven’t I only have been from when I heard her bitching about me which is so upsetting - did she even want me here in the first place? Have I invited myself? 1) what made her so upset to be saying such things and 2) the charged language and bitchyness is so hurtful. If it’s in everyone’s interest if I just leave her to it, go out for the day on my own and no one needs to say a word to our families who were so excited for this reunion/her not graduating alone.
she initially denied saying anything (I actually have it recorded, I was in the bathroom taking a quick outfit/makeup/newly done nails video for my friends back home- I’m not a girlie girl but going all out here so they wanted to see).. she asked what I overheard, I asked do you really want to know? I think it will just upset as both, you know what you’ve said and it was really unkind.
she then asked if it was when she was talking to X and she said some other bitchy stuff (no it wasn’t but thanks for that..)
I told her i actually accidentally have it on video, I can show her but I don’t really want to listen again as found it quite disturbing and I don’t think it’ll help anyone and she knows what she’s said. She apologised and said she gets it, do I want some space? As she would. i just said perhaps normally yes but we have 24hrs.. if she prefers to go see friends then no problem. She said it bothered her that I was chatting more to her friends, that us two don’t have much in common and we’re not connecting but she’s really grateful I came and thought it would be amazing.
i think there were cultural differences. She thought it was rude that I didn’t engage with friends more at graduation - I said I didn’t want to suffocate her, I took lots of photos of her, a few of the two of us, some of her friends & her etc and sometimes stepped back so she could have her moment with random peers that we bumped into, I didn’t think it right for me to jump into all the photos. She got it when I explained but at the time she found it rude and thought i was bored (I really wasn’t, I’ve graduated twice and I get it.. I wouldn’t have wanted my mum/dad being attached to my hip at mine).
There was also lots of misinterpreting of English - her: what do you want to do? Me: I don’t mind, I’m not sure what the options are - happy to take a walk or grab a drink etc. apparently the “I don’t mind” wound her up and she thought I wasn’t having a good time. But in reality it really meant that I don’t mind, I just don’t know the area and all I wanted was to spend time with her - where we do that I was different. It’s hard for me to continue being nice/normal post hearing the really horrible bitching and perhaps that’s when she noticed a shift in my demeanour after that moment on her graduation. She got it and apologised.
We went out for the day without flatmates and I told her please just say if there’s any miscommunication as I’m now really conscious of what I say/ my British English. I just can’t be “American”, I didn’t realise how chatty they are - walk past a stranger “omg your makeup is so beautiful” or literally asking us where we are going tonight/ I guess being chatted up anywhere and everywhere etc. In my experience in England, this only really happened in bars. There’s also so much more catcalling, maybe it’s just partly her with the full glam and heels look. Anyway I digress..