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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do?

52 replies

Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 07:42

Single mum here, looking for WWYD.

I have my DS4 live with me 24/7, his dad doesn’t see him due to safeguarding issues.

Anyway. For the first time in a year I have plans to go out. Nothing extreme, just hanging out with friends (would be driven by them too) and maybe one or two drinks (not a huge drinker). This would have been my 4th time out on my own in 4 years.

My issue is my son has been slightly unwell this week. Temp, but well in himself. However this morning he woke up, upset, demanded a drink, drank lots and then threw up on my bed and himself!

I know it’s only 7am and he could get better but I’m going to cancel tonight. I feel so unbelievably guilty though that I feel gutted. I don’t get out ever, I don’t see many adults usually (just my mum and best friend maybe once a week) so to hang out with just adults and be myself for a night felt so exciting.

What would you have done in this situation?

(As not to drip feed, my mum was going to watch my son and she was aware that he’s been sick, she was fine with watching him)

YABU - I would have stayed in
YANBU - I would have gone out

OP posts:
Catza · 03/05/2024 07:46

Your mum is fine watching a poorly child, I wouldn't cancel unless he gets worse as the day goes on. For what it's worth, I loved being looked after my granny when unwell.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/05/2024 07:47

Can't your dm watch a sick kid? Mine would have done. Unless she's particularly vulnerable. Obviously I'd check whether she was willing. He won't be throwing up still tonight, just need some tlc and an early night.

GreyCarpet · 03/05/2024 07:48

Are you cancelling because you want to and feel you need to be with your son or because you feel guilty?

I wouldn't cancel either based upon what you had said.

A temperature that couldn't be controlled by calpol, yes, I'd cancel. But otherwise no.

So if your mum is happy and he's OK in himself and doesn't get any worse, I'd still go.

jeaux90 · 03/05/2024 07:52

OP I'm a lone parent, have been for 14 years so I do get it, but honestly I'd go, as long as he's not running a really high fever, seems stable during today.

stopringingme · 03/05/2024 07:54

@Breakdownavenue

I would double check that my Mum was still okay to look after and go out.

I would have my phone on me and enough money to get a taxi home if needed.

It might be he just drank too much too quickly and it just all came up again.

See how he is later, it is too early to make a decision about going out.

You need to look after yourself too and a night out is probably needed.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 03/05/2024 07:55

Drop the mum guilt is my advice ❤️
(Easier said than done, I know)
Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job all by yourself.
Do not cancel your night out, your DM is happy to look after him.
Chances are he'll either feel better as the day progresses or he'll be washed out all day and an early night will be in order.
DM can keep you updated whilst you're out.
We all need a break, go and enjoy yourself.
Ds will be safe, warm and well looked after.
I expect an update tomorrow on what a good night out you had!

Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 07:56

Catza · 03/05/2024 07:46

Your mum is fine watching a poorly child, I wouldn't cancel unless he gets worse as the day goes on. For what it's worth, I loved being looked after my granny when unwell.

Edited

That’s a lovely take on it. My son loves his nanny so no doubt he’d love her to watch him.

OP posts:
BigBadBarri · 03/05/2024 07:56

You shouldn’t cancel, your son will be fine with your mum and you should go out and have some fun

ZipZapZoom · 03/05/2024 07:57

If your mum is still content to look after him then for the love of all that is good don't cancel.

You are a mum yes, but you're also still a person and you need to make sure you don't forget that.

Go, have fun and be safe in the knowledge your son will be in good hands.

Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:01

Stompythedinosaur · 03/05/2024 07:47

Can't your dm watch a sick kid? Mine would have done. Unless she's particularly vulnerable. Obviously I'd check whether she was willing. He won't be throwing up still tonight, just need some tlc and an early night.

Yes she can, but it’s more than just than my mum watching my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:02

GreyCarpet · 03/05/2024 07:48

Are you cancelling because you want to and feel you need to be with your son or because you feel guilty?

I wouldn't cancel either based upon what you had said.

A temperature that couldn't be controlled by calpol, yes, I'd cancel. But otherwise no.

So if your mum is happy and he's OK in himself and doesn't get any worse, I'd still go.

Definitely a bit of both. Guilt but also because I feel like I can’t leave him. No doubt he’ll go to bed early and then not wake up until I come home. I’ll have to have a think and see how he does today. Mum guilt is kicking my a** today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:03

jeaux90 · 03/05/2024 07:52

OP I'm a lone parent, have been for 14 years so I do get it, but honestly I'd go, as long as he's not running a really high fever, seems stable during today.

Thank you, I really appreciate your take. I’ll watch him today and sees how he does and probably go from there. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:05

stopringingme · 03/05/2024 07:54

@Breakdownavenue

I would double check that my Mum was still okay to look after and go out.

I would have my phone on me and enough money to get a taxi home if needed.

It might be he just drank too much too quickly and it just all came up again.

See how he is later, it is too early to make a decision about going out.

You need to look after yourself too and a night out is probably needed.

Thank you. I’ll check with her but I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s due to stay anyway.

He drank so much drink so fast and then he threw himself back on the bed and bam, sick everywhere 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have a feeling it’s because he threw himself back because he was feeling hot and sad. Thank you again.

OP posts:
KnickerlessParsons · 03/05/2024 08:05

Go! If your mum needs you to come home, she'll call you.

BigBadBarri · 03/05/2024 08:07

Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:02

Definitely a bit of both. Guilt but also because I feel like I can’t leave him. No doubt he’ll go to bed early and then not wake up until I come home. I’ll have to have a think and see how he does today. Mum guilt is kicking my a** today.

Show quote history

Why are you feeling guilty? Going out and leaving an ill child with a loved relative, when they’ll likely be asleep anyway, is perfectly fine

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 03/05/2024 08:07

Go, he’s with your mum, not a random babysitter, he’ll be fine, asleep, and won’t know you’re not there.
And for the vague chance he isn’t fine, come home then! You really are entitled to a bit of fun.

Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:08

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 03/05/2024 07:55

Drop the mum guilt is my advice ❤️
(Easier said than done, I know)
Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job all by yourself.
Do not cancel your night out, your DM is happy to look after him.
Chances are he'll either feel better as the day progresses or he'll be washed out all day and an early night will be in order.
DM can keep you updated whilst you're out.
We all need a break, go and enjoy yourself.
Ds will be safe, warm and well looked after.
I expect an update tomorrow on what a good night out you had!

Haha that’s it basically. The mum guilt. Probably a bit anxious myself. Anxious to leave and anxious to actually go out. Thank you for all your kinds words.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakdownavenue · 03/05/2024 08:10

ZipZapZoom · 03/05/2024 07:57

If your mum is still content to look after him then for the love of all that is good don't cancel.

You are a mum yes, but you're also still a person and you need to make sure you don't forget that.

Go, have fun and be safe in the knowledge your son will be in good hands.

Haha you’re so sweet, thank you. I’ve definitely forgot how to just be with adults and it’s daunting anyway and then mix that with a sick child it makes for an easy excuse not to go, but thank you.

OP posts:
RAGAZZABIONDA · 03/05/2024 08:44

I think your mum I'd more than qualified. Unless he has a raging temp or is super wrong then do go. If he just appears to have a bug then let your mum take over. If you feel bad, go and come home a bit earlier but seriously. You need time too. Enjoy yourself. Just be majorly appreciative of your lovely mum! She sounds fantastic.

SwingTheMonkey · 03/05/2024 09:21

I’d definitely still go, it’ll do you good. I’d just make sure I came home feeling ok enough to potentially get up with little one in the night if he was sick again or needed medicine etc

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 03/05/2024 09:35

I would assess as the day goes on - if he drank loads it sounded like it 'bounced' - there can be lots of reasons why a child is sick. I would only cancel going out if they were major vomiting episodes and would want his mum/ you were at risk of starting to be sick and therefore passing it to other people. I had a migraine headache the other day, threw up once, felt much better!

DottieMoon · 03/05/2024 10:58

I totally understand, I would not want to leave my child for a night out if they are poorly.
However, if your circumstances, I think you should go. This is a rare opportunity for you since you pretty much never go out. He doesn't sound super poorly and you have your mum watching. She can always call you to come home if he gets worse.

Emmz1510 · 08/05/2024 15:51

I agree with all of the above. I wouldn’t send my sick child to be looked after by mum but that’s because my mum has a chronic lung condition and I don’t want her catching anything. If that wasn’t the case, and as long as my child hadn’t gotten worse, I’d have still gone.

Wishingitwaswinter · 08/05/2024 23:50

I would have cancelled. The moment I decided to become a mum, that's my priority and job and when my son is unwell...its me he naturally wants. My nught would be bad if I went anyway as I'd just wonder if he was OK.
I've not had a single night off since he was born 9.5 years ago if that makes you feel better.

Lifetooshort23 · 09/05/2024 06:16

Wishingitwaswinter · 08/05/2024 23:50

I would have cancelled. The moment I decided to become a mum, that's my priority and job and when my son is unwell...its me he naturally wants. My nught would be bad if I went anyway as I'd just wonder if he was OK.
I've not had a single night off since he was born 9.5 years ago if that makes you feel better.

Thank god I found someone the same as me here! I’m flabbergasted by the amount of people that would just go out anyway when their child is unwell!