What would you do?

[Breakdownavenue]

Single mum here, looking for WWYD.

I have my DS4 live with me 24/7, his dad doesn’t see him due to safeguarding issues.

Anyway. For the first time in a year I have plans to go out. Nothing extreme, just hanging out with friends (would be driven by them too) and maybe one or two drinks (not a huge drinker). This would have been my 4th time out on my own in 4 years.

My issue is my son has been slightly unwell this week. Temp, but well in himself. However this morning he woke up, upset, demanded a drink, drank lots and then threw up on my bed and himself!

I know it’s only 7am and he could get better but I’m going to cancel tonight. I feel so unbelievably guilty though that I feel gutted. I don’t get out ever, I don’t see many adults usually (just my mum and best friend maybe once a week) so to hang out with just adults and be myself for a night felt so exciting.

What would you have done in this situation?

(As not to drip feed, my mum was going to watch my son and she was aware that he’s been sick, she was fine with watching him)

YABU - I would have stayed in
YANBU - I would have gone out

Go out.
Enjoy yourself.
He will probably like having his grandparents their as well.
He will be fine and you can be text if not?
No mum guilt allowed when you rarely get to go out.
It is nit pleasant but he will be ok

No need to be flabbergasted some Mums deserve and need help to have a life outside of family.
A single mum more so.
Since it was arranged and bad timing!!!
The child has a vomiting bug not hospitalisation.
H
Lifestoshort....do you work and take sick days yourself.

Not one night off in 9.5 years is absolutely crazy

In that situation I'd go. Presuming a) that temp is not badly high and your son doesn't have any other dangerous symptoms (like can't bear light, can't keep water down). b) that you mum is not especially vulnerable in any way. c) If your son isn't going to be distressed by being left with nanny when he is ill. Like if nanny babysitting him is rare and he's not super settled with her, then don't go. Equally I've got a friend who does before/after school care for her grandson some days a week and would be a go to if child was unwell on a work day, so he'd probably be just as happy being with nanny if he felt a bit poorly as with mummy.

Three things.

Firstly your mum is more than capable of looking after him; she raised you, she knows what to do.

Secondly, you need time with friends, it’s not healthy to be cooped up with no life of your own. You are not just a Mum; you are a person as well.

Thirdly think of the lesson it teaches him if you stay or go. He’s observing and learning what a normal, healthy lifestyle looks like. See point 2.

Why, what are you going to do that your mum isn't?

I know being a parent myself we all need/crave for a break without our child/children,some of us don't have that opportunity.I would just cancel my plans if my child is ill, i am sure your friends will understand,even if your mother is fine taking care of your sick child.If he was in his teens i would understand and state yeah I would go out,your mum's watching him.

The fact of the matter is that her child is 4 years old and unwell.How can you possibly be comfortable leaving your child to go out and have fun knowing they are unwell?It doesn't matter if the person is your own mother, it's the principle of the situation.

Her child was feeling unwell 6 days ago. The night out has been and gone, hopefully the OP went and had a lovely time. What good is commenting after it's all happened?

The same reason why you and others are still commenting aswel... It's a sunny day here ,have a good day.

Is it fair to ask your mum to look after an ill child. She could catch it too. If shes happy to look after him then go ahead and enjoy your night

I'd b perfectly fine to watch him in those circumstances

Go!

Oops. Didn't check the date. Sorry!

That makes zero sense? Your first comment was today 6 days after the OP asked the question. The event has happened any further discussion about what the OP should or shouldn't do 6 days after the fact is pointless?

He's about 1,500 days old. In those 1,500 days, how much time have you had for yourself, your enjoyment and relaxation?

I'm guessing it's I single digits!

Go and enjoy yourself. I'm convinced the best parents also make some time for themselves and their needs.

I am not going back and forth with you,you quoted me out of all the people that commented today,some who sated similar comments in regards to OP bot going out because her son is sick .Goodbye 👋🏽

*not

• Stated...If I missed any spelling or grammar sorry it's typo,I know how petty people can get with that on here.

He’s 4!!! It teaches him that mummy would rather go out than care for him when he’s unwell!
honestly unbelievable. No, I’m not a single mum but I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been out with friends or my husband since I’ve had kids. Eldest is 5. I don’t need any hands to count how often I’ve been anywhere if any of my kids are sick!

Feel like you’re contradicting yourself? Yes if I was sick I wouldn’t be at work.. equally if my kids were sick I wouldn’t be at work?! What’s your point?!

how do you know it’s a vomiting bug? He’s 4 and sick, could be anything, could turn into anything!

yes. It’s bad timing. V unfortunate for mum. 🤷🏽‍♀️ shit happens when you have kids to care for. Haven’t once said she doesn’t deserve it… but kid is sick!!! All my kids want when they’re sick is me to hold them and care for them!

At the risk of sounding like I'm on repeat the night out has already happened. Why are people still posting with the intent to make the OP feel like a shit parent. She needed advice 6 days ago she doesn't need judgement after the fact. The kids probably been better for the best part of a week.

Go out, carry your phone, don’t get rat-arsed in case you need to be thinking later?
your mum will be fine if she says she is,

That's a choice you've made. He's not at death's door. There's no reason she should sacrifice her own wellbeing.

We're not just mums, we're women too and we need a life outside of parenthood.

We're on opposite sides of this parental divide, so I won't engage further, because we see life differently.

I completely agree with you, cockadoodledandy

Can you see into the future? Just wondering how you know how a childs illness is going to turn out.

Young children are quite often sick/have slight temperatures for no real reason at all. Their bodies are young and small and they react in ways that adults' bodies don't. They also recover just as quickly.

That's why people were saying at the beginning to see how he was later on in the day.

I wouldn't have gone out if my child had actually been ill but throwing back up a large amount of water that had been drunk quickly would not signal illness to me. And so I wouldn't have cancelled evening plans in the morning for it.