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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider sleep training my five month old?

57 replies

user666555 · 01/05/2024 18:36

Hello,

I've been thinking about sleep training my five month old. I know the guidance is from six months but I'm honestly struggling more and more each day.

My daughter fights her sleep SO much. 9/10 times she will cry/fight her naps/night sleep. Every nap is a battle. She only naps 30-45 minutes at a time (unless I go out with her in the pram but this isn't do-able every single day). I have to rock her to sleep in her pram/bedside crib. She wakes up with the slightest noise and is so difficult to put to/keep asleep.

I've started considering sleep training as I'm not sure what else I can do. DP works long hours so I'm with her all day and she still wakes up around 3+ times a night too. I think the problem is she can't seem to self soothe (again controversial at her age) but it's really impacting me. I feel knackered. My whole body hurts (from feeling overtired and not rested) my relationship with DP is pretty much non existent as when he does get in from work the slightest noise will wake her. I also feel drained from the day of trying to get her to nap that when he does come home I just feel angry and moody all the time. I really do not know what else to do.

AIBU? Should I just suck it up? If I'm not being unreasonable, any tips on how to sleep train her (in a gentle yet effective way) please?

Thanks

OP posts:
IdaPrentice · 02/05/2024 00:21

I would recommend the Baby Whisperer advice. Worked for me, when I finally cracked after 8 months of sleep deprivation. She explains babies' natural sleep cycles, and how to recognise what your baby needs in terms of sleep, waking, hunger etc. She advises different sleep training techniques depending on the age of your baby, which don't involve leaving them to cry alone. I wish you all the best.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

amispeakingintongues · 02/05/2024 00:45

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/05/2024 19:00

I’m so sorry you’re struggling, sleep deprivation is an absolute killer 💐
But a couple of things stand out to me in your post. 30-45 minute naps are the norm for a baby of this age, not unusual or a problem to be solved. 3 wakes a night is also actually pretty good for a 5 month old. You’re describing a normal baby. Sleep changes a lot in the first year, it’s not linear bad sleep to good sleep, there’s lots of ups and downs as they develop and go through growth spurts. It might help you to learn a bit more about normal baby sleep as a lot of coping with it comes down to our mindset around it.

Sleep training really doesn’t work, at any age. The most recent meta analysis showed sleep trained babies sleep no more than 45 minutes longer than non sleep trained babies (and this is an average across all ages up to 2 years so there’s other factors involved) and they still wake at night, because it’s developmentally normal to do so. A baby can’t be taught to self soothe, this simply isn’t scientific, they don’t have the brain development to do so until around 3-4 years old at a minimum. You can’t teach that. They will learn to link sleep cycles when they’re ready, it can’t be taught. Sleep is a biological function of the body, and you can definitely build in good habits and some routine to support good sleep, but you can’t train a baby out of normal waking that’s developmentally appropriate.

Id look at strategies to work with what you’ve got. If baby is fighting sleep for more than 10 minutes, they’re not tired enough to sleep, stop trying. 30 minute naps are normal. Could you try and safely cosleep at night, many babies sleep better this way? Could your husband take baby for the evening and/or in the morning so you can get some extra sleep then? If baby settles by being rocked dad could help with that too so it’s not all you?

All of this !!

Moneybum · 02/05/2024 06:45

user666555 · 01/05/2024 19:23

@Okaythenboss my daughters had five naps today. She sleeps 30-45 minutes wakes up okay, after 1.5 - 2 hrs starts getting unsettled, rubbing her eyes, yawning etc. Feels like a constant cycle 🙈

What method did your sleep consultant use?

This is just normal.

does she nap longer on you? Mine will sleep longer in a sling. I understand you are exhausted and touched out. Can your partner give you some rest?

OMGsamesame · 16/06/2024 20:50

YankSplaining · 01/05/2024 20:39

My husband and I sleep-trained our older daughter at about that age; she wouldn’t take a nap unless someone was holding her. After a couple of rough days, she could take a nap with minimal fuss and the whole family was better off. She’s now nine years old and doesn’t seem to hate us. 🙂

How did you do it?

YankSplaining · 17/06/2024 04:39

OMGsamesame · 16/06/2024 20:50

How did you do it?

Show quote history

We put her down for her nap, let her cry for a couple minutes, then came in and patted her so she knew we were still there. Then we waited a few more minutes and came in again, never picking her up. (We made sure she was fed and dry before we put her down.) I think by the time we got to fifteen minutes without coming in her room, she gave up and took a nap.

OMGsamesame · 17/06/2024 04:41

YankSplaining · 17/06/2024 04:39

We put her down for her nap, let her cry for a couple minutes, then came in and patted her so she knew we were still there. Then we waited a few more minutes and came in again, never picking her up. (We made sure she was fed and dry before we put her down.) I think by the time we got to fifteen minutes without coming in her room, she gave up and took a nap.

Show quote history

Thanks for explaining. Did you he to leave her while she properly cried (ie screamed) for 15 minutes? Or did that include grumbling?

YankSplaining · 17/06/2024 04:43

OMGsamesame · 17/06/2024 04:41

Thanks for explaining. Did you he to leave her while she properly cried (ie screamed) for 15 minutes? Or did that include grumbling?

Show quote history

Yeah, we left her. She slept for about an hour and a half and woke up really smiley.

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