Mum wants me to send my brother money when his just got out of prison.

[Sickofit189]

Just for a bit of context I’m a single mum and I live with my mum in one of the rooms with my daughter who is 4 months old, I pay my mum rent to live here as I’m waiting to move somewhere else.

I asked her to put money into my bank account that I’m saving for my daughter and when she did she spent £20 of it to buy cigarettes and obviously assumed because I had £400 (that I worked really hard to save up from working) that I had money. When I confronted her about it she said “oh no you’re not mad at me are you? “

she works 29 hours a week, lives in my stepdads house and doesn’t pay any rent so it’s not like she’s short of money.

my brothers recently just came out of prison and we get on really well but since I asked her to put money in my bank she keeps asking me to send him money. Other than my tiny saving I have I only get universal credits & child benefit and I can barely afford to get by. She will often ask if I need anything from the shop and ask for money which is fine but I always say no.

she keeps asking if I can send him £30, because his out of work and keeps spending his benefits on toys for his 7 year old daughter, what I don’t get is why she can’t send him money herself, why am I being pressured to do so?

Just say no. If she’s that bothered she can send him money from your rent or give up smoking.

I'd be taking my savings back from her for a start. Open another account or a post office account to keep them instead. I'd be worried she'd use your savings to send him.

Ignore me, sleep deprived. I thought you'd asked her to put it in her bank! Sorry.

Absolutely do not give him any money.

How does she know how much is in your account.

You are doing well to build up some savings, you never know when you'll have your own 'rainy day's, but it's still quite a small amount so definitely do not hand any more to your Mum, or your brother.

You’re just going to have to be strong with this one op. Tell your mum that you love your brother but won’t be sending him any money and to please stop asking.

Presuming there’s been no miscarriage of justice, your brother’s situation is of entirely his own making and perhaps staying out of prison might be a better gift to his daughter than toys.

No way. And his 7 year old doesn't need presents from him - she needs love and care and for him to get a job and stay out of prison.

Your mum has her eye on your money. I'd change any passwords etc and try to leave her house ASAP.

I'd say "Mum, just send him that 20 quid you borrowed off me for cigarettes".

Don't give your money to yourum.to.put in bank for you. Keep hold of it until you can get to the bank yourself. If she's spent yourney on cigarettes she can't be trusted.
.

This!!!!!

I'm confused. Do you all live in your stepdads house or do you live in her house while she lives in her stepdad's house?

TBH it all sounds like everyone has a complicated and difficult relationship with money; lending, paying each other, savings for children when you don't have enough to live, people not working. Everyone needs to sit down, work out incoming and outgoing money, what is fair and reasonable to pay, how to get more in and less out.

Your brother is an adult who made his choices. He needs to get a job.

Your mum is an adult who can choose to spend her money on cigarettes if she wants. She already puts you up.

You are (I assume) an adult with a child who needs to plan for the future. How are you going to support you and your daughter?

Proper, boring budgeting for the money you have. While planning to improve things financially.

OR

'Mum just send him the £20 you stole from your granddaughters savings'

Ignore the both of them, don't give them a penny other than your keep. Don't take about money, wages, savings... None of it.

And keep working & saving hard for yours & your DDs future 💪

Her mum spent OPs money on cigarettes. ie she stole it.

Im confused, why is she putting money into your account?

Why does she even have access to this.

Tell her no to sending your brother money -as her to send it from her own account.

Say no and stop discussing any money with her. She can't be trusted.

I hope you can move out soon!

YANBU, your mum is a thief, sad to say.

Do you have a bank account? Please keep your savings in your own account and don't let anyone know your debit card passcode or your online banking details.

Because she believes or knows you've got more than she has.

Don't hand her any more money. Put it in your account yourself as and when you can.

He keeps spending his benefits on toys for his 7 yo daughter? What, £100+ a week? Utter bollocks.
Just ignore her. You'll help your brother if you want to, and he asks politely and you're in a position to do so. Tell her you won't discuss it further. And don't mention money at all any more. Pay your rent, and hopefully you'll be out soon.

He most likely spends money on weed not his daughter.

The sooner you get away from your low life mother the better.

Dm and db both need a kick up the arse and to get more hours /work. They sound as bad as each other. He's trying to buy his dd's love when he needs to be a proper dad and be working to help put a roof over her head and food in her mouth. Not spending it on shit.

It was a mistake to give your Mum £400 to put in Your DD’s savings: she now thinks you are loaded. Does she feel she is supporting you because the rent is very minimal?

You pay rent to your Mum, you have your Dd to support. I dare say your niece’s Mum supported her child single handed while your brother was in prison, and now it seems two other women should cover his responsibilities for him? At your DD’s expense? No way.

Your mum stole your money and then gaslighted you afterwards saying "you're not mad at me are you" to pressure you into accepting and normalising her theft.

This is a toxic situation.

You need to keep her out your money situation entirely.

Just gaslight her right back and if she asks for money or for you to send money to your brother say "what are you talking about mum?" and act dumb. Two can play that game.

Leave as soon as you're able.

Do you work? You say your only money is universal credit and child benefit so if that’s all you’ve got why should you be giving anything to your brother? He needs a job.
Why do you ask your mum to put your money in your bank account? Why can’t you do it yourself?

Get your own bank account if you don't have one. Make sure you are the only person who can access your UC and your child benefit. Don't go giving other people wodges of cash to pay in for you - wrap up your DD, go for a walk and do it yourself.

Are you working cash in hand?

Are you sure there is anything left in your account? Can you apply for housing for yourself and dd? Your dm sounds flakey as fuck.