Mum wants me to send my brother money when his just got out of prison.

[Sickofit189]

Just for a bit of context I’m a single mum and I live with my mum in one of the rooms with my daughter who is 4 months old, I pay my mum rent to live here as I’m waiting to move somewhere else.

I asked her to put money into my bank account that I’m saving for my daughter and when she did she spent £20 of it to buy cigarettes and obviously assumed because I had £400 (that I worked really hard to save up from working) that I had money. When I confronted her about it she said “oh no you’re not mad at me are you? “

she works 29 hours a week, lives in my stepdads house and doesn’t pay any rent so it’s not like she’s short of money.

my brothers recently just came out of prison and we get on really well but since I asked her to put money in my bank she keeps asking me to send him money. Other than my tiny saving I have I only get universal credits & child benefit and I can barely afford to get by. She will often ask if I need anything from the shop and ask for money which is fine but I always say no.

she keeps asking if I can send him £30, because his out of work and keeps spending his benefits on toys for his 7 year old daughter, what I don’t get is why she can’t send him money herself, why am I being pressured to do so?

Was the money that you asked her to put in your account your money or your mum's? Why did you need her to do this?

Op, are you very young?
You need to maintain and build your independence. You can't be financially entwined with people like your mum and your brother who make poor choices and have a peaceful AND have a secure life for you and your daughter. Say no, change accounts, get that independence. Come on, you can do it, pull those big girl pants up so high you can't see your earlobes 😆 It's what your daughter deserves.

No mum, I’m not x’s mum, you are. He’s also a grown man and he’ll have to learn to manage his money at some point.

I feel for your brother but your mum is taking the mick.

If he desperately needs money, then she can lend it to him.

How much rent do you pay her?

Is it less than half of the bills/does she believe you’re getting a good deal by living with her and therefore you’re in a better position financially?

Has he signed up for UC until he can get a job?

@MonsieurSpade She’s now saying I need to pay for my brothers car insurance and because I said no because the money I get I use on my daughter she is saying that I’m lucky I get to stay here (I pay £300 a month) I’m not allowed to use the kitchen, whenever I leave food in the fridge my stepdad eats it . I’m not allowed to use the washing machine in the evening when my daughters asleep because the sounds annoying when my stepdad watches TV till 2am. I really do need to get out of here lol

@Trulyme

She’s now saying I need to pay for my brothers car insurance and because I said no because the money I get I use on my daughter she is saying that I’m lucky I get to stay here (I pay £300 a month) I’m not allowed to use the kitchen, whenever I leave food in the fridge my stepdad eats it . I’m not allowed to use the washing machine in the evening when my daughters asleep because the sounds annoying when my stepdad watches TV till 2am. I really do need to get out of here lol. My mum told my brother not to get a job and my mum said my brothers spending his benefits on toys for his daughter

I hope your mum didn’t have access to your or dds bank accounts.

they are being ridiculous.

I think I have misunderstood.

You give her rent to live there.
She wants you to give money to your brother.

Why is your mum paying money into your account?

For goodness sake, you need shot of the lot of them.

Get on to the council and speak to the homeless team. You can't bring your child up around this dysfunctional family.

(Are you sure brother is spending money on toys and not his drug habbit?)

As someone with a dysfunctional family, cut ties as soon as you can.

I was guilt tripped into giving my mum money, my sister money, pay for x, lend me Y etc. and I did it because I didn’t want to be the one saying no to helping my family.

When I suddenly needed help not one of them returned the favour. I ended up living in a homeless shelter with my young children while my mum had a spare room and owed me £1000 + that I never saw again.

I went no contact years ago and haven’t looked back once. As soon as I stopped helping them they didn’t want to know me. Now I own my own home and don’t have any financial worries as I’m no longer supporting 2 extra adults with drug and gambling addictions.

Honestly don’t give them a penny and try and move out of your mums house ASAP. They will never stop using you as a cash cow if you let it happen.

Tell her you can't afford it and need your money to pay bills etc. I would look for somewhere else to live and stop telling her anything.

Your mother does not care about you. She just wants the £300 rent that she probably isn't declaring and anything else she can manipulate out of you.

Please get away from her.

This sort of set up is exactly why people benefits bash on threads. Your mother should work more. Your brother should work. Everyone sounds lazy and feckless, except for you. Hopefully you will be able to set up your own home and get back to work when baby is bigger and stay away from these absolute spongers

How old are you and your child? It feels as if you're a very young mum who needs some practical and emotional support and I don't think your family is where you will get it.
Is there anyone else who can support you
Is the child's father on the scene?

I hope you knocked the £20 she took off your rent?

You obviously need to move out ASAP. Have you applied to the council?

I would start saying “how am I going to save up to move out if I keep giving other people money!”

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