I am 37 weeks pregnant with my now ex/ ex-fwb and am debating going through the CMS for support.
He has not contributed at all towards our son financially, apart from going half on a travel system. I have thought of and bought every little thing on my own and have never asked him for a penny. I did mention that he has not contributed, and he told me I knew I was going to be a single mum so I should go get benefits and handle my business.
He earns 6 figures a year, and is able to go for daily lunches/dinners, maintain an expensive car, home and dog, go on luxury holidays, wear everything designer and even bought a Rolex upfront recently, so I know it's not a case of he can't afford it. He even held his own baby shower, and kept the money he got to himself, rather than asking if our son needs anything (there are still items to buy). All of the money I got for my baby shower, I spent on my unborn son and things he needs.
He said he will be involved in our sons life, and will pay £400 per month towards him, or whatever 'the minimum' is. I am aware that when our son starts nursery in February, it will cost around £1200 per month, so I suggested he can contribute a little more when he goes as I cannot afford it alone and I would like to go back to work to be able to provide for him, and also just have my life back for a few days whilst our son learns to socialise separate from me.
He basically told me that if I can't afford childcare, I should not be going back to work and I should stay at home with him and use benefits, or, I should have 'thought about that before getting pregnant'.
He accused me of getting pregnant for his money, and because I am 'obsessed with him', and called me a gold digger, and it's not up to him to 'fund my lifestyle'.
After painfully standing my ground and threatening to go to the CMS if he can't negotiate with me (after which he told me he will fiddle books or take me to court for custody and have me pay him CMS), he agreed that when our son goes to nursery, he will give me £700 per month to contribute towards it. I agreed at the time.
After months of thinking about this, and his lack of consideration for me and our son so far (he rarely asks how the pregnancy is going, even though he saw me everyday at work and acted like I was invisible despite carrying his child, seems disinterested in selecting a nursery or anything to do with his well-being/ forward planning of his life, lack of financial contribution, and outright lying about multiple things), I feel I want to go through the CMS to get the maximum I can from him (petty I know), but more so to have the security that he cannot back out of paying one day whenever he fancies and leave me and my son in a difficult position.
I feel awful, as I hate breaking agreements and I can imagine me going to the CMS will make him feel like he is backed into a corner that he doesn't really have control over, but from his track history throughout our relationshit, he is very fickle, hot and cold and has no sense of loyalty or commitment to anything or anyone bar himself. I feel I need a sense of stability and security financially for my son, which he never has given, why would it be different now?
I am aware that single mums get by on barely anything, and I am lucky that I do have other support available and a job to go back to, however, if my sons father is able to cough up a little more than what he offers, which will be beneficial to our son and my ability to ensure he has a comfortable life, why shouldn't I go for it?
I'm not expecting him to pay for everything, as I mentioned before I have never asked him for a penny and even when we were together, I always offered to pay half/ never expected anything despite how much he earns. I am always happy to pay my way. I just feel our son deserves the maximum, even if I just put it into a savings account for him.
Am I being unreasonable to go to CMS?
I guess his comments have made me feel like I am being greedy and unreasonable.