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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at sister for comparing everything

47 replies

DonAli · 01/05/2024 11:53

I have 2 kids 11 and 8. Both girls. My sister has a 4 year old boy. Lately all she keeps saying is she’s not going to let her kid be like mine in terms of how they play, what devices they go on, how they spend pocket money etc. AIBU to get annoyed by this? My children are good kids but they have moments like all the rest where they argue or they’re on devices too much and get grumpy. I always allow them to spend their £5 pocket money on anything they want and usually my 8 year old uses hers for robux. I don’t see any harm in this. My sister was rolling her eyes and once again started talking about how she won’t let her son do that when he’s older. If he does something that is remotely similar to what my kids do (and tbh most other kids too like wanting to play on a device or wanting sweets) she goes on about how it’s my children’s fault. So basically if he grows up and she doesn’t like how he behaves it’s my kids fault apparently.

OP posts:
Bumblebeeinatree · 01/05/2024 11:56

She'll learn as her DS gets older. If she doesn't want your children to be a bad influence she will have to keep away, but he'll meet lots of other bad influences soon!

JamieDee · 01/05/2024 12:00

Just reply and say that's good because I don't want mine to be like yours where they are banned from everything.

SerenChocolateMuncher · 01/05/2024 12:01

Ignore her, she's being an arse.

Tell her you are doing what suits you and your family and she can do whatever she thinks is best for hers.

Make sure she knows she doesn't have to tell you what that is though and you don't need to know her opinion about how you look after your family.

Freakinfraser · 01/05/2024 12:02

She’s a twat, pay no heed, just roll your eyes, laugh and say that’s great.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 01/05/2024 12:02

I have very different ideas about what's appropriate for children to my brother, I have made conscious decisions not to do things the way he does. I don't tell him that though!
Also people told me I'd change my mind and give DS tech and haribo etc. I haven't.

AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 01/05/2024 12:50

She’s a dickhead. But she’s got her excuses in nice and early- whenever her kid does something she doesn’t approve of, it’s someone else’s fault. It won’t just be your kids fault, it’ll be others he comes into contact with at school etc. she’s one of those parents who everyone else avoids.

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 01/05/2024 12:52

Just smile sympathetically... When her teen is using her bank card to buy Xbox shite you can feel very smug...

cleanasawhistle · 01/05/2024 13:06

We had one like this in our family...
Lets just say as teens her two were always in trouble and also did everything that the mother said they would never be allowed to do.

RightOnTheEdge · 01/05/2024 13:31

I wouldn't let anyone talk about my kids like that!
Tell her you will parent your kids your way and she can parent her way, and she needs to stop being so rude or I'd just stop talking to her.

I'd understand it if they were wild and their behaviour embarrassing but not over your choices about games etc.

My dc used to spend all their pocket money and birthday money on robux and Vbucks and I hated it, but it's their money and their choice what to spend it on. It made them happy so I I let them even though it hurt me a bit inside.

Manthide · 05/05/2024 06:36

I remember my SiL making comments about how I was bringing my dc up - before she had dc! One Christmas I was feeding dd2 a jar of baby food as we were at my PiLs and she said she'd never give her dc anything like that! Also a couple of years later her dh said he didn't want little soldiers like my dc. Fast forward a few years and her dc were eating bags of sweets before dinner and basically running riot.

DottyLottieLou · 05/05/2024 07:09

Just laugh in her face everytime she says it. And then add " we can't all be perfect like Miss Prissy Knickers" .

Holliegee · 05/05/2024 07:14

I think either a/ she’s living in an ivory tower and doesn’t realise what she’s saying which inevitably will end when her Dc develops his own mind and desires and indeed personality

or

b/ she feels in competition with you and in order to build herself up she has to put you down which is a very unpleasant characteristic to have

either way she’s the one who has to live with her parenting choices, just as you live with yours ……..just let it go !!

drusth · 05/05/2024 07:16

If he does something that is remotely similar to what my kids do (and tbh most other kids too like wanting to play on a device or wanting sweets) she goes on about how it’s my children’s fault.

What a twat. Why are you putting up with this? Where does she make these comments, does she come over? Does she expect child care? I would tell her straight that if she really feels like then it’s best the kids don’t spend too much time together because you will not have your kids labelled as spoilt and hers as the angel.

Call the bitch’s bluff!

GRex · 05/05/2024 07:16

"You should choose to parent however you think best, as I do. I would like you to stop criticising my parenting to me now though, because ultimately the negativity risks damaging our relationship. Thanks x"

OnehundredStars · 05/05/2024 07:18

Only way to solve this is to greatly lessen the amount of time you have to spend with her !!! Minimal is the way I’d go

Ihatelaundry · 05/05/2024 07:21

Oh gosh this would annoy the living daylights out of me. I’d be tempted to go low contact for a bit, not just for your own sake but also for your kids, as they will be picking
up on the fact that their aunt is judging them. If she asks why you’ve pulled back, I’d be honest and say you weren’t willing to put up with the constant barbs about your kids and your parenting.

Kitkatcatflap · 05/05/2024 07:27

GRex · 05/05/2024 07:16

"You should choose to parent however you think best, as I do. I would like you to stop criticising my parenting to me now though, because ultimately the negativity risks damaging our relationship. Thanks x"

Definitely say this. GRex hits the nail on the head. She is undermining your choices for your family. I would step back from all that negativity if it continued.

hot2trotter · 05/05/2024 07:33

DottyLottieLou · 05/05/2024 07:09

Just laugh in her face everytime she says it. And then add " we can't all be perfect like Miss Prissy Knickers" .

Why? Shes's not 10, I'm sure she can think of a less immature reply 🤣

Duechristmas · 05/05/2024 09:56

There's nobody so judgy as a first time parent, she'll learn in time.

BusyMum47 · 05/05/2024 10:00

She's a sanctimonious dick! Just ignore her, roll your eyes & enjoy the fallout in a few years time when her precious little one is either a massive pain in the ass or she caves & does everything she said she wouldn't!!

Wemetatascoutcamp · 05/05/2024 10:01

Many years ago when my 3 older DC were all under 5 I can remember childless SIL being very harsh with DS when he was displaying typical boy behaviour and it really annoyed me. She never out right criticised my parenting but it was obvious she thought I should be making him behave.
Fast forward 7 years and DN was same typical boy! SIL got a huge reality check and totally changed- she now praises my DC and my parenting. I don’t hold any ill feeling towards her she simply had no experience of young children and was very naive.
Just let it go- it’ll likely come and bite her in the ass and even if it doesn’t just agree to disagree- its not worth the mental energy worrying/getting annoyed about it.

Oblomov24 · 05/05/2024 10:34

My niece was like this about her dd eating sweets. Ivory tower. They learn, nothing needs to be said.

Brontebythesea · 05/05/2024 10:38

DonAli · 01/05/2024 11:53

I have 2 kids 11 and 8. Both girls. My sister has a 4 year old boy. Lately all she keeps saying is she’s not going to let her kid be like mine in terms of how they play, what devices they go on, how they spend pocket money etc. AIBU to get annoyed by this? My children are good kids but they have moments like all the rest where they argue or they’re on devices too much and get grumpy. I always allow them to spend their £5 pocket money on anything they want and usually my 8 year old uses hers for robux. I don’t see any harm in this. My sister was rolling her eyes and once again started talking about how she won’t let her son do that when he’s older. If he does something that is remotely similar to what my kids do (and tbh most other kids too like wanting to play on a device or wanting sweets) she goes on about how it’s my children’s fault. So basically if he grows up and she doesn’t like how he behaves it’s my kids fault apparently.

It’s annoying - but life will humble her - in time.

Poppinjay · 05/05/2024 12:16

Every time say "That's completely up to you. Is there any particular reason you need to keep telling me this?"

Emmz1510 · 05/05/2024 12:56

Just ignore her OP. And resist the urge to remind her of her sanctimonious crap when her own kid is doing all this….