Annoyed at sister for comparing everything

[DonAli]

I have 2 kids 11 and 8. Both girls. My sister has a 4 year old boy. Lately all she keeps saying is she’s not going to let her kid be like mine in terms of how they play, what devices they go on, how they spend pocket money etc. AIBU to get annoyed by this? My children are good kids but they have moments like all the rest where they argue or they’re on devices too much and get grumpy. I always allow them to spend their £5 pocket money on anything they want and usually my 8 year old uses hers for robux. I don’t see any harm in this. My sister was rolling her eyes and once again started talking about how she won’t let her son do that when he’s older. If he does something that is remotely similar to what my kids do (and tbh most other kids too like wanting to play on a device or wanting sweets) she goes on about how it’s my children’s fault. So basically if he grows up and she doesn’t like how he behaves it’s my kids fault apparently.

Just nod and smile. Some people can be very judgemental of other people’s parenting.
She’ll find out when her son is 8 too - though by then yours will be nearly teenagers so there will be something else for her to comment on! Just ignore it.

Tell her to come back in seventeen years and you will be happy to swap notes with her.

I think everyone is slightly smug and sanctimonious with a 1st child unfortunately some people never get over themselves. It really is a bit weird for her to keep repeatedly insulting you. Maybe just telling her to f off might work. Do it in front of her child, then she can rightously blame you when he repeats his new vocabulary.

I would not be spending my time with someone who was such a prick to me, sister or not.

The world is full of first time parents declaring they won't feed their kids convenience foods, sweets, sit them in front of the TV etc etc, fast forward a couple of years and there they are, watching Peppa pig on a loop, stuffing themselves with chicken nuggets and haribos🤣🤣🤣

just be patient , karma will bring you lots of “ I told you so “ . You will enjoy repeating it lol

yup, usual question....why do you stay around them?

As the saying goes there is nothing more annoying than a new mother 🙄 .

I remember with dd1 being shocked at the clothes some of the year 6 dc wore to the school disco. Dd was still in party dresses (so were her close friends). Dd3 is a dancer and went to the test 6 disco in hot pants 🤦🏻‍♀️ - I learned to pick my battles and that dc is the one I’ll have many battles with. I roll my eyes at pfb mum me.

'Yeah, mother of the year. Come to me again when you're boy's selling crack in the playground and has death metal tattoos on his face.'

I would say 'we have different parenting styles and that's fine. There's no right or wrong way.'

If she try's to blame your kids/you for leading her child astray I'd say 'if you can't parent your child because they want to do something because other kids are doing it you are going to find the teen years a nightmare'

Going against the grain here, are they given devices when they’re all together? It is annoying when you’re out with a group and one parent gives theirs an iPad. It changes the whole dynamic. That then becomes all they’re interested in.

She needs to keep her thoughts to herself though obviously!

It's so easy when you've one child who is at an age where you can control everything! She should have the insight to realise that your situations are very different. You could either be flippant and say something sarcastic like "it's amazing how you've got it all figured out, you should write a parenting book because you've so much to say on the topic" and hope it shames her into shutting up, or you could have a serious chat that says "everyone parents differently and everyone wants to do the best for their kids, we all make different choices and when you criticise my parenting and my children's behaviour it is damaging our relationship. Could you either stop saying these things or spend less time here if you can't help yourself"
I wonder if it's because you're family or if she's like it with other people. It might be helpful to her in general to call it out because if she does it to friends she will not have many! You could also explain that judging parenting is actually a massive mum-friend no/no - it's in the camp of lecturing about politics with casual acquaintances at the dinner table, or asking people how much they all earn, its a real faux pas and automatically puts people in the box of "avoid". Tell her to do what normal people do and bitch about it in the car on the way home!!!

My sibling does this. Very annoying. And then wonders why Im not fussed at spending a lot of time together!!

This. It’s fucking rude to you and your children.

I have a brother who wouldn’t let PDF eat my homemade children friendly and was very smug about it. 2 months later was giving them smug processed shop bought crap biscuits and I pointed it out and he went red. People like to make themselves feel better when they are insecure by putting other people down and the reality is their children are unlikely to be that different!

PFB lol not PDF

You could either give her a big smile and on repeat say 'you do it your way and I'll do it my way'. Or say 'yes you're right! My children are terrible! Best you don't come over anymore!'

I used to be like that! (Yes, I am a dick)

My friends laughed and said "We will remind you you said that in five years when he is glued to a Nintendo and calling you bro". And they do, even though it is actually bruh (😥)

If its PFB, then this is annoyingly common. Had it all before from friends / colleagues etc and it was so so hard to smile and say "oh right that's great" with encouragement so as not to burst their fantasy bubble. (Tried bursting lots of peoples bubbles before but they knuckle down and it gets me super irate. Not a hill i want to die on, so I just inwardly eye roll 🤣)

Just smile and say
‘we’ll see’

My daughter wasn’t allowed a phone and then aged 10 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. She was fitted with a blood glucose monitor which meant she needed a phone for me to monitor her blood sugars and receive alarms…
It meant we had discussions about social media apps and safety far earlier than I’d have liked but she’s SO sensible and learnt early about bullying on line, which means that while all her friends are now posting pics and videos of themselves in revealing clothes she just watches videos and never posts anything private at all… having devices young is only bad if not managed and safety measures put in place.
I don’t like devices but sadly it’s the way things are now, once your nephew starts school and all his friends are on Minecraft and roadblocks your sister will have a fight on her hands…

Just let it go over your head, either tell her not to talk about stuff she’s not experienced yet or like I say, smile and say ‘ok, we’ll see!’

She has her ideas, you have yours, just make it clear to her that you parent different & you don't need to hear her opinions on your kids. If she starts just close it down every time.

There’s no excuse for being so rude no matter what the topic.
Tell her your children are not to be discussed in such a manner. She can parent how she likes. No need to discuss it.
4 year old as others have said are easy particularly when she only has one.