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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think so many threads are fake because actual people are too scared to post?

31 replies

Iloveyoubut · 30/04/2024 19:47

I see so many posts on here these days that are auire clearly made up for the drama or the laughs etc which is fine. However it seems to have become more common because genuine posters are being shot down in flames and torn to pieces for asking honest questions. One that springs to mind was an OP who was upset that her partner didn’t check in with her after what genuinley sounded like a harrowing day at work. Another ‘trend’ I’ve noticed is the Mumsnet vulture hovering over the new and unanswered posts so they can get in there first and be a right dick! I think I’m actually fascinated with the whole ‘first reply’ thing because so often the first poster reply is just horrible and it’s as if it’s a blatant attempt to ‘sent the tone of the post’ or instigate a pile on. I’m almost bracing myself or the ‘are you ok OP?’ Why do so many first replies seem to be so nasty? Are people trying to destroy OP’s so that everyone is scared to post?

OP posts:
EatCrow · 30/04/2024 19:49

I’d go further and suggest they don’t want a happy, supportive community.

DeeCeeCherry · 30/04/2024 19:54

There are some miserable, sour, perma-disgruntled people out there and they can expunge their bitterness anonymously on MN. Easy pickings. If they're not happy, why should anyone else be.

JamieDee · 30/04/2024 20:20

The comments on that post were just stupid. People are not really that cold in real life I don't think, they are just hell bent on being horrible on here because it's not real life. Vultures some of them.

Hateam · 30/04/2024 20:24

I think many replies are fake.

People give suggestions that they themselves would not follow in real life.

EmilyTjP · 30/04/2024 20:26

Whilst I do agree with what you are saying, I don’t agree that anyone who posts an opposing opinion must be dicks, fake or trolls.

exomoon · 30/04/2024 20:29

Another ‘trend’ I’ve noticed is the Mumsnet vulture hovering over the new and unanswered posts so they can get in there first and be a right dick! I think I’m actually fascinated with the whole ‘first reply’ thing because so often the first poster reply is just horrible and it’s as if it’s a blatant attempt to ‘sent the tone of the post’ or instigate a pile on. I’m almost bracing myself or the ‘are you ok OP?’ Why do so many first replies seem to be so nasty? Are people trying to destroy OP’s so that everyone is scared to post?

I think they know the first response often sets the tone for the thread (at least for a page or so) so they get in first.

Lammveg · 30/04/2024 20:34

Every time I see a first reply like that it really annoys me!

The other thing they do is ask about a small detail of the post that's not relevant...I saw one post before about the division of labour and the first reply was asking why the OP only walks their dog once a day 🙄

LightSpeeds · 30/04/2024 20:39

I always think it would be an interesting experiment if people could only look at the OP and reply to that, without reading any other responses first.

A lot of people (the sheep) wouldn't have the courage to post without first knowing if they were being backed up with similar responses.

The amount of people too who will just pick up on one (irrelevant) point in the OP is totally annoying (there were two posts like this yesterday).

If a post has about 600 replies, when you click on the last few (350) responses, it's usually people fighting amongst themselves...

😂😂😂

9outof10cats · 30/04/2024 20:41

Agree OP.

So many keyboard warriors on here who seem to take offence at the slightest thing and argue for the sake of arguing.

I often wonder if these people are that unpleasant in 'real' life or just use the anonymity of the internet to act like arseholes.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 30/04/2024 20:42

It's very noticeable on AIBU. On the poll there can be 50% or more agreeing that the OP is not unreasonable but every single reply will be disagreeing with them. Particularly where It's an unfashionable opinion.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 30/04/2024 20:43

*particularly not partner

wowihaveagardennow · 30/04/2024 20:44

I agree with you OP.

But thankfully it hasn't taken away from my experience with Mumsnet yet. As a new mum I am so unbelievably grateful for the Mumsnet community. Their collective wisdom has been invaluable to me, and I don't think I'll ever forget it was this community who have reassured me on countless things with having my first DC. I keep thinking I'll make a thread just to say thanks!

YouJustDoYou · 30/04/2024 20:46

I once posted on herre years ago, just absolutely desperate, at my lowest low, and was completely piled on. I honestly thought about killing myself. I was so, so lonely, and so desperate, and was made fun of. That was one of the lowest points of my life, coming to strangers for advice and being laughed at. Lesson learned.

Dragonfly909 · 30/04/2024 20:58

I've suspected for a while that some comments are from people fulfilling a role (paid or voluntary) posting provocatively to make sure threads get a lot of replies. Am I paranoid? It seems a lot of replies are designed to wind people up so they post.

Lookwhosbackbackagain · 30/04/2024 21:00

Hateam · 30/04/2024 20:24

I think many replies are fake.

People give suggestions that they themselves would not follow in real life.

Yes, there’s a lot of projecting and people venting aggression on here. Sometimes you get good advice, sometimes a blatant pile on. It’s the luck of the draw

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 30/04/2024 21:06

It has very much turned into an echo chamber. If you try to dissent, you get piled on too.

Plus the story skimming by 'journalists'. I would not want that to happen to me, so I keep a low profile and regularly name change.

quietlifeneeded · 30/04/2024 21:09

LightSpeeds · 30/04/2024 20:39

I always think it would be an interesting experiment if people could only look at the OP and reply to that, without reading any other responses first.

A lot of people (the sheep) wouldn't have the courage to post without first knowing if they were being backed up with similar responses.

The amount of people too who will just pick up on one (irrelevant) point in the OP is totally annoying (there were two posts like this yesterday).

If a post has about 600 replies, when you click on the last few (350) responses, it's usually people fighting amongst themselves...

😂😂😂

i often do this... read the OP and then reply, only to be shot down in flames because i haven't read the whole thread and my answer has not fallen in with the right dynamic the thread has gone!

user1471523870 · 30/04/2024 21:15

I could have written this post. What I struggle to tolerate is picking on one detail instead of answering the poster's question. It drives me insane!

DyslexicPoster · 30/04/2024 21:22

LightSpeeds · 30/04/2024 20:39

I always think it would be an interesting experiment if people could only look at the OP and reply to that, without reading any other responses first.

A lot of people (the sheep) wouldn't have the courage to post without first knowing if they were being backed up with similar responses.

The amount of people too who will just pick up on one (irrelevant) point in the OP is totally annoying (there were two posts like this yesterday).

If a post has about 600 replies, when you click on the last few (350) responses, it's usually people fighting amongst themselves...

😂😂😂

Your points are spot on. There's always someone picking out a tiny angle and focusing on that. Bunfights on long threads are a must too.

64zooooooolane · 30/04/2024 21:23

Hateam · 30/04/2024 20:24

I think many replies are fake.

People give suggestions that they themselves would not follow in real life.

I don't think that makes the replies fake I just think some ppl reply based on their own situations that they are in and want others to be in the same boat, e.g when ops post that their man has done something negative and they expect more from him and then ppl reply with, comments like 'you're the one in the wrong' or 'you expect too much but in a patronising way. I put that down to that's their lot in life and their man don't act much better so they want other women to suck it up the way they are. I don't think they realise how their replies could be a form of reinforcing that ppl should except bad behaviour.

LightSpeeds · 30/04/2024 21:25

user1471523870 · 30/04/2024 21:15

I could have written this post. What I struggle to tolerate is picking on one detail instead of answering the poster's question. It drives me insane!

OP: "So, I got back from work last night and got into an argument with my boyfriend because he's cheating on me AND has lost all our savings. Things escalated and he pushed me and I fell over my shoes that were by the door. I broke my arm in two places."

Half the responses: "Why on earth do you leave your shoes by the door?"

😂😒😂

StormingNorman · 30/04/2024 21:26

I was reading a thread the other day that was completely taken over by a couple of posters hijacking it for their own argument. It just gets boring.

itsnotmeitsu · 30/04/2024 21:31

I set up a post for AIBU but deleted it before I posted because I thought I'd get abuse. I'll probably get abuse for this now, but the theme was, 'Is it wrong to be happy that those partners who cheated on me are now in their seventies and will struggle to find anybody to fancy them?

Eenymeanymineymo · 30/04/2024 21:33

9outof10cats · 30/04/2024 20:41

Agree OP.

So many keyboard warriors on here who seem to take offence at the slightest thing and argue for the sake of arguing.

I often wonder if these people are that unpleasant in 'real' life or just use the anonymity of the internet to act like arseholes.

I think they are probably acting like Mary Poppins in real life but the real them is very different. So the 'real them' is unleashed on SM.

wheresmyvoice · 30/04/2024 21:40

I think some people come on here for entertainment purposes only, other peoples misery makes them feel better about their own troubles.
Some people get overly invested and pester op's for updates for days.
It's like Jeremy Kyle for some but you can join in
anonymously and if something you say doesn't go down well you simply change name and thread.