Xmas proposal- Is that your present?

[Creamandtan]

Discussing with a friend and we can’t agree so thought we would put it to a vote.

If your OH proposed or planned to propose at Xmas, would you still expect the normal amount of gifts/money he spends on you for Xmas also, or would the proposal be ok ad a substitute, and that be your Xmas present.

YABU- proposal is not a gift and would expect presents.
YANBU - proposal and no gifts would be fine.

😂😂😂

I absolutely wouldn't consider birthday proposal a gift because it just isn't, and I know I wouldn't be impressed at all if it was the only thing done, like make a smartshow 3d video for me at least or I'd reconsider the possibility of our marriage! 😂Same goes to Christmas.
On a serious note, though, I think birthday or Xmas proposals could be nice because that's how you interwine the significant date with the big step in your relationships, but that doesn't mean proposals automatically become gifts. They aren't, these are different events.

Proposal isn’t a present. I told my now DH he can pick any day but holidays/ special days. It’s the worst that a man can do (in terms of proposal) in my opinion

If he's spent money on a ring, would you really expect other presents?

A piece of jewellery is a present.

I got engaged at Christmas! I also got married at Christmas! I had my engagement ring and also my 'usual' pressies. But it wasn't an expectation, I find that grabby and entitled. Unless you've bought your ring yourself than why expect him to spend even more money on you?!

No! I enjoyed my Christmas engagement - it was my idea! The worst my husband could have done was in summer in front of anyone else. Summer makes me tetchy, I hate a crowd and I don't like being centre of attention!

Am I the only one that thinks the idea that a proposal isn't really a proposal if getting married has already been discussed and agreed?

I really dislike performance proposals. They are tacky and attention seeking.

My husband proposed on Christmas Day. It was the first Christmas in our home together and the first time we hadn’t got any plans beyond eating all the food and watching TV, we had agreed to no gifts because it was a bit silly, because we really wanted a new bed!
I got him some silly stuff (socks, sweets, smellies etc) and he had gotten me similar (a book from Tesco, socks, bath bombs etc) and my beautiful ring!
I would suggest small gifts because a ring is an expensive joint present (especially if the stone is very large or something - mine is smaller and actually cost a few hundred) as is putting aside for the wedding!

No, if I say yes then that's his present

Jesus. Firstly grow up and stop waiting for people to propose. Secondly you sound like a child counting up,presents.

A ring is optional though, getting engaged is more about the commitment from both sides.

Nope I'm not a fan of Christmas/ birthday / valentine's day proposals at all! They smack of zero imagination for me.

I would not have been impressed if dh had proposed at Christmas. I remember my mother going on about 'oooh you might get a ring for Christmas' & feeling v irritated.

Thankfully dh picked another random date in March & a location that had sentimental meaning only to us & no audience. It was perfect really & he had a ring - the most beautiful ring that he'd had made for me.

I think in that situation the proposer would have to go and get a 'proper' present!

Disagree.

its like discussing a restaurant that you’ve always wanted to go to.

You can plan what you’re going to eat and drink, and even what to wear, but until you actually make a reservation and turn up, you haven’t eaten there yet.

No, I think they’re hilarious. Two adults have discussed marriage and acknowledged they want to marry, and are fully committed to one another, then there’s some staged ‘surprise’ with one of these adults (because ‘tradition’!) asking a question he already knows the answer to, and the other one pantomiming surprise.

I don't like them either, but they seem very popular!
To me, it seems regressive, the woman waiting for the man to make a decision on their mutual future.

A proposal isn't a present because they're conceptually completely separate things. It's be like saying a promotion is a birthday present from your employers. Or deciding to buy a house together is a present. A proposal is a life decision that you should make mutually, a present is a nice thing or experience you get for a treat.

Of course there's always context and if my partner had saved up to buy me the ring of my dreams for the proposal then I wouldn't expect lavish presents on top of that.

All hypothetical for me anyway because I don't have a dream ring, I don't want a proposal and neither of us are big on gifts in the first place.

We don't do big presents, generally a couple of small things e.g. chocs, a book, gloves etc. I'd be annoyed if there were no other presents. It feels a bit patronising somehow - you sit there with your fancy ring while we all celebrate Christmas and exchange gifts. I can see if your gift giving is usually more elaborate e.g. fancy jewellery, you might limit that a bit though, but I feel there still needs to be some token gifts at least. Otherwise it almost says 'whoops I forgot to buy anything, I know how to salvage this!'.

depends how nice the ring is honestly!

Of course it's not your present. It's a relationship milestone independent of anything else. Doing it on a day that's already dedicated to gift giving as a way to save money is very unattractive.

(If you're on a tight budget and both agree to get an engagement ring instead of doing presents this year, that's obviously fine. But a man unilaterally deciding that isn't fair, especially if he still expects gifts for himself!)

So many misery guts on here.

A proposal would be very special on whatever day it’s done and if I’d been bought a beautiful ring that would be the best present for me.

Do you mean getting engaged or do you mean someone buying the other a ring for Christmas? They aren’t the same.

You can get engaged at Christmas and there be zero ring involved. Engagement doesn’t mean buying or wearing a ring. Marriage doesn’t mean buying or wearing a ring. I’m not entirely sure how rings became mixed up in the whole thing.

If I was proposed to at Christmas I would say no. So that wrecks Christmas. Fun. Like the opposite of a gift.

Every time I’ve been proposed to I’ve said no but none were on any significant dates so I don’t remember them, if they were on my birthday or Christmas I’d remember them each year. Seems controlling to me.

Where I work a guy once came in and proposed to his girlfriend at her desk. Cringe moment for her colleagues. She accepted but apparently the marriage didn't last very long.

I’ve always said to my partner that he should never propose on the following days:

• Valentines Day
• Our Anniversary
• My Birthday
• Xmas Day

All of the above are a total cop out, and very cringe IMO. It just shows a total lack of imagination. I’d rather have a Dove Bath set for Xmas than a cringy proposal! 😂

Cake and eat it...

Thousand(s?) on a ring and you ALSO want other stuff.

Sounds like those people that are gifted a Ferrari and then moan that it didn't come with the surround sound, alloys etc and that it was blue instead of red!