Today I got upset because I told him I was coming home, rather than staying at work late like I usually do on a Tuesday. He said “okay that’s fine”. He used to get super excited when I wasn’t working late, and I sometimes get really sensitive about wording. As in, my boyfriend thinks saying “that’s fine” is interchangeable with and the same as “that’s great, can’t wait”.
I know it’s something I’m very sensitive about and I’m trying to change.
He flipped and shouted at me, saying “oh don’t start this word thing again”. I thought the way he said this was really rude and nasty. I tried to explain to him that yes, I didn’t realise what I was doing and I didn’t mean to, but I was sorry.
He then wouldn’t apologise for saying something mean without ending it with a “but”. He denied this and said I was doing the same thing.
I tried to explain that I acknowledge what I did wrong, but it’s the way he said it that upsets me. That he comes to me so overly critical rather than telling me kindly what I did wrong.
He just doesn’t get this at all??? He said he did nothing wrong and that I’m trying to flip everything into him, that I can’t just take accountability without letting him know what he did wrong. He doesn’t seem to understand that actually he does stuff wrong too. He said he does, but he genuinely thinks I’m just “flipping it on him as a defence mechanism”. That I can’t accept that I did something wrong without us both doing something wrong.
He then hung up on me and said he “can’t talk to me when I’m like this” and “maybe I should’ve stayed at work”
im so hurt but I can get very sensitive and clouded sometimes so maybe I am in the wrong. Help???