People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

Everyone has feelings of anxiety at some point in their life, but generalised anxiety disorder is something quite different. In the same way, yes, many working people struggle, but there are some people whose life is so taken over by mental health problems that they are genuinely unable to work.

I think it all very much depends on the type of mental illness and the individual.
I have psycotic episodes which pretty much rules me out of some work, however I do work (remotely, from home) for the same reasons; if I didn't, myself, my son and my pets would starve.

My theory is we are in an abusive relationship with the government and ‘all this’ is a symptom.

That’s penny for a thought, I’ll sit down now.

I’m not sure it’s much to do with generations.

I’m old enough to remember people still suffering after the last war, especially those who had been involved with Japan. They had to carry on, there was not much available, and many ended up in (what used to be called) mental asylums. They never recovered.

I remember so many women (60’s/70’s) addicted to Valium. Those tablets were known as “Mothers little helpers”….until they realised how many women were addicted and the problems it caused with trying to wean them off of the tablets.

Life, through generations, has always been full of stress, but some people, regardless of age, are more impacted than others.

Its irrelevant - people need support.🤷‍♀️

@dimllaishebiaith don't worry it was a dig at me...even though that was the point of my saying it was anecdotal, obviously completely lost on the person

@Sulley2222 My dh has psychotic episodes too and there is no way he can work. He is so mentally ill that he doesn't care about anyone starving, including himself. As you say, it depends on the individual. That's why with mental illness we need people who realise this and who are professionally capable of assessing somebody correctly, definitely not the people who currently assess PIP applications.

Maybe she's still at work.
Or crying in her car after the massive pile on she's had. I don't blame her, with her fragile mental health, I think she's better off not coming back to this thread and reading all the nasty comments about her. Look at the abuse I got for suggesting people don't worry about cleaning and gardening.

Oh stop. That is not what you said!

Maybe she's at the doctor's getting help and temporarily signed off, as she's realised she's better off taking a short period of time off to recover. Instead of ending up like my ex colleague and other PPs who 'just got on with it' until they had a complete breakdown or were sacked on incapacity grounds and left unable to work longer term.

As someone that suffers from severe ocd, PMDD, suicidal thoughts every month etc if not medicated… I totally agree. I’ve always had to work. And tbh the people that are flaking out of work are doing themselves a disservice - do they really think sitting around doing nothing all day is good for mental health? It’s not. Walking to work, seeing colleagues (even tho I have severe social anxiety so dread it beforehand), being part of something bigger than yourself, feeling useful, plus the distraction - all these things help you with perspective and mood. Work can be an anchor, even when it’s a bit stressful (and mine can be extremely stressful). I think all this ‘self care’ stuff can be quite destructive - makes people feel they need to be resting / having duvet days / watching crap tv / eating rubbish to make them feel better in the moment when actually a bit of discipline, healthy eating and exercise does wonders.

So sorry to hear this. Psychosis is frightening and definitely warrants time of work and full support! People are shit. My sister has had this and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and support her as much as possible. Many more people hear voices / experience psychosis at some point than is publicly talked about. Not as bad but I had a manic episode as an allergic reaction to antibiotics!

I live with a serious Mental illness that is, thankfully, very well-managed now but it wasn't always. In the past I have been too unwell to work for several months at a time.

When people say things like "I can't afford to have a breakdown" I don't think they have any understanding of how physically and cognitively disabling a genuine mental health crisis can be. There were times, I am 100% certain, that if my house was on fire I still could not have dragged myself out of bed. I lost the ability to form a coherent sentence. I was seeing and hearing things that weren't there. Even when I got a bit better and was managing to shower every few days and be out of bed for 2-3 hours at a time, I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I accused my nearest and dearest of doing terrible things. I sat my DH down and explained to him, very calmly, that I had decided to kill myself and he shouldn't try to stop me as he'd be better off without me. I told him he should go ahead and start looking for another wife and even offered to help him find someone before I died. I was genuinely confused when he didn't agree with me that this was a sensible plan. I would start to do something really simple like turn the computer on or make a cup of tea and then realise I couldn't remember what to do.
OP, it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time so I don't want to be unkind. But your posts do read as though you think anyone who isn't working due to a mental illness is making a choice and that if you were in their shoes you'd just power through. Trust me, you couldn't work through the sort of breakdown I experienced, no matter what was at stake. You just couldn't.

I'm lucky that I've been well for years, I WOH in a professional job and really enjoy it most of the time. But some people never recover from the kind of illness I've experienced and I for one am happy for my taxes to be used to support them for as long as needed. The reality is that some people are so disabled by their mental illness they simply cannot function, and you wouldn't want to trade places with them.

No, I asked why somebody bothered with a cleaner and then said we should just lower the bar, it's fine. After that I had posters claiming I wanted PIP stripped away and people living in poverty if they couldn't work.
Poor OP, clearly struggling a lot, and then a massive pile on. Be better.

Life can be very hard and I have sympathy for all those suffering. I have severe arthritis which means I’m in constant pain and an incredibly stressful job and home life with 3 kids under 10. like many of you I also have days where I feel I can’t cope and have had a week signed off here and there. I could ask to be signed off long term but as many people have already mentioned working and getting through the day is much more therapeutic and beneficial for my self esteem and when I’m busy I don’t notice the pain as much - plus we need the money! I would urge people to talk to their employers as there are often lots if ways you can be supported to be able stay in work and have your mental and physical health supported. I appreciate there are certain jobs where this may not be an option. Flexible working has been a god send for me. I really do believe supporting people back to work or even into volunteering is better for them than just being isolated at home - there are so many options available for part time and remote working and volunteering - I think sometimes people get forgotten and lost in the system. I have worked in MH hospitals in the past and it’s amazing how people respond to being given a role and managed responsibility.

@CreamLampshade

I agree that for many people work helps. However everyone's different and has different circumstances and different levels and experiences of illness. Also some have supportive family, friends, and medical care. Others don't.

The big issue however that's still being ignored a lot on this thread is the role of employers. Many don't want to keep on or hire sick or disabled people.

Also where are the jobs? There aren't even enough vacancies for every job seeker and that's before including people on sickness benefits.

I do agree with this. I think rather than people on benefits all being cheats, lazy, etc, it’s more often a case of lack of confidence / not feeling like they know what their place is. And also not knowing the value of feeling useful. Which can all lead to depression.

my mum was on benefits from about the age of 35 and totally lost all confidence she could do anything. She was forced to take some GCSEs in her 50s and it did wonders for her confidence and mood. She proved to herself she could have qualifications (she left school at 14). But she wouldn’t have done that without being forced.

Hearing voices is not automatically a mental health issue. Hearing voices is more common than many people realise.

This post generated a lot of discussion and criticism of modern life and the system. Most of us absolutely have not piled on top of the OP especially after she clarified about her wording.

I definitely agree that there are many mental health conditions which make work infeasible and those people should get support. I would be interested to know what the threshold is for getting benefits - probably higher than plain old anxiety or depression but guess it depends on severity. It’s more for the people who can function in talking about.

Yes, and it was me critising monder life and the system.
And plenty of people have piled on the OP. I hope she's ok and not read it all. Hopefully she won't come back to this thread and find something better to read.

I am not going to argue with you. Everyone who has been posting on this thread read your post to arseinthecoopwindow. You apologised earlier, now you seem to be backtracking.

As for the OP, I feel sorry for her if she is genuine. But if every single person on disability benefits got a job tomorrow, it wouldn't improve her personal situation.

Im not back tracking about my apology, I am sorry if I upset anyone. I'm sorry for my clumsy words. I still believe the setiment though, we do spend a lot of time worrying about and overly invested, imo, in pointless shit, like stains on floors.

No OP you are not being unreasonable.

I had PTSD and depression after the birth of my first child. I still worked in a public facing role with people regularly telling me they couldn’t work because they had depression. Funny because I managed and it gave me more purpose. Stressful job too.

You know in the playground when the bully would be called a bully by the person they'd just punched in the face, then the bully would cry and all their mates would say "MISS! someone called Bully a bully!" - and then the bleeding person who called them out gets detention?

And you know that Python sketch where one guy says "we all shared a bed and worked down pit but WE were 'appy" - and eventually someone says right, we lived in hole in the road and had gravel for tea? And then finally someone says "Gravel?! We DREAMED of gravel!!"

I mean just saying ...

I agree with you @CreamLampshade that work would help for some, maybe many, people who're struggling with depression or anxiety. It gives a sense of self worth and social interaction (and unemployment can actually cause depression and anxiety).

I think for many people the problem isn't lack of will to work. It's businesses lack of will to hire them. If the government wants to help people back to work, they need to focus on employer attitudes.

There's also fewer job vacancies than there are out of work working-age people. I assume this is partly because of the increased state pension age. If older workers are retiring later, there's less job vacancies for younger people.