People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

I agree. I have had clinical depression and CPtsd for three decades after being raped at age 11. I am unmedicated, parent 3dc, work, am an excellent friend and wife and have a very full life. I manage the shit out of my mental health all day every day by ensuring my diet, activity, hormone, sleep and stress levels are optimum. It's insulting to be stereotyped.

It's not a race to the bottom

When I had a breakdown last year I couldn’t even get out of bed. End of .
Most days I’d fight suicidal thoughts.
Unless you have really been there please don’t insult ppl with genuine mental health problems.
It really is a totally different ball game.

Totally agree. I've been through a rough time. I can be sat on the stairs just trying to pull myself together while I put on my shoes and go to work....because I have no choice. I walk to the train station with sunglasses hoping my tears dry up before I get on the train. It is my responsibility to get support and proactively get out of my deep hole. I have to take my MH seriously, even when all I want to do is stay in bed and put the duvet over my head/ walk out in front of car.

Actually, my personal experience is being off work makes things worse. My work is not the problem. It's everything around it that is a shit storm! Work gives me structure. Once I am on the train I start feeling better. Works gives me a bit of a purpose, keeps me busy and my mind off things. When I get up in the morning, facing work, people etc is incredibly overwhelming/ debilitating.

I've been in a job that affected my MH. I left and got another job. Not always easy I know, but never impossible. Before I get shot down on this point.

That's interesting, so is that money allocated to the benefits system or is that an estimate of how many more people could claim if they wanted to and the government would have to 'find' the money? If it's allocated, what happens to the excess/unclaimed amount?

Why do say so? I remember during Covid everyone started to hate sitting indoors and being out of work after a few weeks. Even after the government paid for everyone to sit home, nobody actually enjoyed it.

What makes you think that young adults who are "allowed to rot in their bedrooms" are actually faking their mental health issues? We all know from Covid time that being allowed to "rot in the bedrooms " isn't what any person enjoys and wants for themselves!?

Why do you talk so bad about work? What's wrong with working? Why do you think anyone would want to be out of work for a long time? I always enjoyed working and making a living for myself! I'm sorry it wasn't your experience, and I think you may need to change your job if you hate it so much that the alternative to "rot in your own bedroom" is appealing to you!

I had one really bad spell of stress and anxiety where I just felt everything was on top of me and I was really struggling. I think I took a day off work as I was at that point where I just couldn't face it. Went to the GP for help, I didn't want signing off as such as I don't think that is the answer as it just makes it harder to go back. GP didn't offer it either. I went on medication for a time, maybe about 6 months or so and it was a god send tbh. Took a bit of time to kick in but then I felt much better and much more relaxed. Only thing is I was worried to come off it but I actually just weaned myself off it and am fine at the moment. Admitting I had a problem was the hardest thing and that initial contact to the GP was HARD, I did an online form to begin with. But I wouldn't hesitate to go back if I needed it again, they were very kind.

OP, just here to say YANBU. Those with teens/young graduates etc, what advice will you give them when they are consumed with self-doubt, anxiety etc the night before their interview for their first job? 'Don't worry, we will go to the GP for your diagnosis so you can get your pip etc etc benefits'? I am not saying genuine cases do not exist, but pp need to get a bit more real. Life is stressful for most people. Life is unfair to most people. It has always been like that since time immemorial.

I imagine a lot of people self-medicated too, on all the lovely drugs that were available, rather than also trying to NOT DRINK NOT SMOKE EAT HEALTHY!!! Problems like COL would seem much easier to deal with if you were full of MDMA or opium 24/7.

I don’t understand the Tory government’s thinking. It seems worse than ever for not giving a fuck about vulnerable people who for myriad reasons can’t fit into the modern workplace and will struggle to find work.

It’s already incredibly hard to claim it without a fight anyway.

My young adult son received DLA as a child but is still fighting for PIP. He is autistic and has Type 1 diabetes. He is capable of work if it’s supported (very lucky to be in a supported internship currently, but it’s unpaid). What are people like him supposed to do?

This thread was always going to end in snobbery in both directions, and it happened from page 1.

We are living - (existing may be a better description) in an environment that is causing a pandemic of mental health problems, with anxiety rates increasing exponentially, especially in the 16-24 year old age bracket. Colleges are seeing more kids apply who have diagnosed mental health issues than who don't. Let that sink in for a minute - it is now the new normal that college age kids have a mental health diagnosis, and we all know how hard they are to actually get. Adult anxiety diagnoses have fallen slightly after the big increase that happened during the pandemic, but they're still higher than they were in 2018.

I think most of my colleagues would be diagnosed with anxiety if they took their symptoms to the GP. We're not even in particularly stressful jobs. 1/5th of us have diagnosed anxiety. I think around 30-40% of my friends have diagnosed anxiety, and another 20-40% would probably self-identify as an anxious person or that they probably would be diagnosed with anxiety if they presented for a diagnosis but they don't see the point. I have friends from on the very highest level of PIP for life to working full time and several who have cut down hours due to their mental health. It's not selection bias, in that I personally don't feel that I have anxiety as a diagnosable and limiting mental health condition, although obviously it's a state I sometimes feel. It may be slightly self-selecting in that people tell me I'm a calming grounding person to be around.

Back to my point - a lot of us on this thread seem to be snipping at the people who are either signed off sick with their mental health or who don't have the "luxury" of being able to do that - I'd argue that both are misdirected anger.

We should be angry at our government and our society's powerful institutions for allowing our society (societies) to reach the state where living with anxiety is normal, and people are just expected to, or have no option but to carry on as normal with little or no support or treatment, and that parliament is treating the soaring mental health problems of our nation as inconsequential and not as an urgent problem to address from it's root cause(s).

This thread is so disheartening and frustrating! The government, yet again, successfully dividing us, even amongst those who you would expect would have empathy and understanding of each other.

Maybe be angry at the lack of help from health and social care, and adequate employer provision.

OP, I know you are struggling. I have been you, I then went on to have a severe psychotic episode and left work (haven’t claimed benefits if that makes me a more acceptable sick person). But what you are saying about others is what many would say about you: it’s a sort of ‘pull yourself together’ and race to the bottom argument.

Sorry, but I do not believe that EVERY PERSON on a benefits package due to mental health issues was like OP.

Some, maybe, but not even the majority.

OP YANBU.

Yes and from the east Asian culture I was from, we had very low taxes but it wasn't uncommon for young people to contribute 10% to 20% of their income to their parents. If there were disabled siblings that's where the contributions went..it does fully include people with severe depression and anxiety or even siblings who had fallen on hard times. I have known my family members to give loans or even outright cash gifts to poorer ones who were struggling. It was part of the social contract.

In the uk there is no such obligation to support our families beyond spouses and children. This is because the welfare state has replaced the extended family. In a sense it seems unreasonable to not support taxes being used to support disabled people if we don't also support our extended family members. We can't have our cake and eat it.

This

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I do think the government’s policy is very brutal and likely will push people who genuinely cannot work - Not would struggle to, genuinely cannot - into poverty.

I also feel utterly burnt out but have to keep it together btw.

In fact, it occurs to me they’re doing it because so many more are on the verge of a breakdown, they’re trying to “deal with” the crisis by not dealing with it, iyswim

That isn’t what the OP said…

Your response is disingenuous.

The poster is clearly saying that due to the less tangible nature of MH and the stigma associated with it, lots of people hear the word depression and think sadness, or hear the word anxiety and think anxiousness. They relate it to their own experiences of sadness and anxiety and don’t understand that their valid experiences of emotions, which fall in the range of normal human emotion, are not the same as people with clinical depression, GAD etc.

These are not accurate or fair depictions of what people with these MH issues go through. When I had my anxiety related breakdown I could not function. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I had little control over my bowels. It was an absolute nightmare, there was extremely little support and just like with my depression in my early adulthood which left me unable to even eat and left me sleeping 16 + hours a day and feeling like a black hole devoid of any emotion, positive or negative, just like with the later onset of my extreme, multi times per day panic attacks happening at work and when out socialising, there was no help.

We must understand that people really do suffer. And sometimes they suffer so much that they cannot function the way other people can. Even people with the same issues. And we also have to understand that being unwell with these things are a time when it is most difficult to advocate for yourself, and proactive help for people, especially with other vulnerabilities, is extremely hard to come by in all but the most extreme situations.

I am only just coming to terms with how poor my mental health is. I count myself extremely lucky that I have never had to stop working. I have only empathy for other people who suffer like this, whatever their circumstances, and I hope this country can strive to recognise and advocate for mental health support.

Well done, you’ve done exactly what the Tories wanted you to do - direct anger / frustration on those with disabilities rather than at the shitty job the government are doing. PIP is a) not very much money and b) pretty impossible and dehumanising to even qualify for. No one trying to survive on PIP is having a jolly old time.

Exactly and right here is the answer. Social media makes it look like everyone is having a great life, school tells them work hard and you’ll get a great job, media look like this and you’ll get a great partner, TIKTok/you tube do crazy challenges earn lots of money. Celebrity cults- get rich and famous for having no talent. Trigger warnings on ridiculous things, censorship so no one is offended.

Schools pushing “children’s rights” - no mention of responsibilities. Individual freedom over responsibility to the whole.

it’s no wonder the reality of life, with its inherent unfairness and sheer drudgery can affect young people in such catastrophic ways. They have been told all their lives what reality is, they hit adulthood and find it’s a pack of lies.

There are different levels of anxiety just like any illness/condition, nobody (most people) is not working and claiming pip for mild to moderate mental health issues. I have anxiety, depression and bpd. I didn't leave the house for 2 years at one point I had my kids taken and I was sectioned. Iv attempted suicide multiple times and struggled with addiction. So it's great if your anxiety is mild and you can function in everyday life but not everyone can.

EXACTLY

Ffs sunik has it so easy

Yes! It's a form of dystonia, which a lot of people get when they use their hands every day doing repetitive movements. Office workers (from computer use), factory operatives, musicians ... loads of people. It causes pain, weakness, atrophy, involuntary movements and it is a long term disorder. It can be improved with physio, steroid injections, occupational health for advice on technique etc, but that can take years. At its worst, people will certainly be unable to dress themselves, turn on taps, cook, prepare food, use keys to open doors, drive etc. How come you don't know this? What sort of training have you had?

OP - I feel exactly the same.

My ex-H hasn’t worked for years due to his anxiety and work-related stress.

Him not working means no child maintenance so the pressure on me is relentless and I also struggle with my mental health.

Irony is we worked at the same place in the exact same role. I’m still there, dreading each day because someone has to provide for our kids.