Should I be angry with DH or friends?

[Anothe]

DH and I having a rough patch atm. He thinks I need to get angry about how my sister and a few friends are reacting to something that has happened to us. I don’t want to - she’s my sister - and they are my friends.
He tells me what I should be saying to them. Am I being a flying monkey? I just don’t feel the same anger, and he gets frustrated because I’m being wimpy. They have their reasons which I understand. I also feel exhausted from his emotions and have no anger left!

Trouble is, every morning we discuss what’s happened and what to do and it always turns into a row it seems.

anyway the other day I didn’t answer my phone. He said,‘aren’t you going to answe that? That’s suspicious’ I called back and It was one of the many robot calls I’m getting. But I was really cross, how dare he accuse me of suspicious calls! What’s he implying? He said I was overreacting.
yesterday I reheat new potatoes and leave 3 teeny ones on my plate. In front of DS he says, ‘are you going to leave them, that’s a waste’ I was really embarrassed.
He spends a fortune on stuff in the supermarket.

im so muddled. Do I tell friends what he wants me to? It will ruin our friendship and he says, well then they’re not real friends.
what do I say next time he says something like this in front of ds?

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Place marking so I can check back when anything makes sense

We need to know what's happened with your sister and friends, can you elaborate?

It sounds controlling unless there is a massive drip feed. Has he told his own friends and family what he is telling you to tell yours?

Trust your feelings op. You know something is off. The facts that you are worried about how your family would feel about it is also a red flag. Talk to women's aid and they will help you get some perspective.

Your post is very confusing 😕 I doubt your 16 year old son cares if you left some potatoes so not sure why you'd feel embarrassed? I'd just be annoyed if my husband told me off for that & probably say to him ' you eat them then, if you're so worried about waste'!

It's very hard to comment on the situation with your sister and friends without knowing what actually happened to you and DH and what he thinks you should be angry with them about 🤷‍♀️ on the face of it, he sounds like he's being an arse but it's hard to judge when we don't know the full picture!

Tell him to fuck off you tell family and friends what you want too - not what he tells you too? He’s a dick - why is he trying to control what you say to people!

My heart goes out to the child entangled in this mess.

Don't let anyone tell you how to react to other people - stick to what YOU believe is the best thing to do.
And don't let anyone tell you whether you can answer your phone or not. I

At a guess it benefits him as if you have no friends at all, you can't solicit opinions in real life from other people as to whether he's being a dick.

Without giving more information as to what's happened to you and your friends reaction to it, difficult to say if he's abusive or you are being a massive doormat to abusive/bullying behaviour from your friends.

Given he is being a dick about you leaving some potatoes behind in a restaurant I assume it is more likely that he is being a controlling arse and is used to you doing what you are told. The bad patch is therefore because you've grown a backbone and he's not keen.

The worst point I ever saw in my parents marriage was when my mother hit menopause and the rage gave her the gumption to tell him to ff off occasionally. He wore her down eventually with silent treatment and a toxic atmosphere for all of us. If any of this sounds familiar, you need to speak to Women's Aid or similar as advised up thread. But I'd start with your friends and sister assuming they haven't done anything horrific.

@Anothe Take a deep breath, let it out slowly and tell us what your sister and friends did that was so awful. Ignore the potatoes for now as I suspect they are part of a pattern rather than the main point.