Husbands search history

[schoolie258]

It's a bit funny but not really. Husband hasn't said anything to me at all so there's definitely a lack of communication on his side aswell as mine I suppose.

I used the iPad we have (it's communal and we both use it) this morning I went to use it and noticed the last thing searched on google was "why does my wife talk so much" 😂 he then went onto a Reddit forum about a wife over talking and trapping this man in never ending 'conversations'

Did he purposely leave the history available to give me a hint? lol

Am I supposed to be seen and not heard? I can't really improve things if I don't know what the issue is. This morning we were talking about saving for a mortgage which was a 2 way conversation as far as I'm aware. How do I bring this up? Or do I just try to be more aware of when he's tired and doesn't want me to speak to him ?

I don't understand why you can't just tell him you noticed this in his search history and ASK him if he feels you talk too much. Have a conversation about how you both communicate.

@Steamboats I have felt sometimes I talk too much or I'll be on a rant about something and I've ended up boring myself and I've said to him "I talk too much don't I?" And he always disagrees. So i have asked him before but he clearly just says the opposite of how he really feels

We all do things that annoy people. It's clearly something you're aware of. Some people monologue for so long and force people into conversations without noticing the other person isn't interested in the conversation topic. It is something you should try to be more mindful of, just becuase he married you doesn't mean he has to be your sounding board. It's kinda sweet he's actually trying to understand WHY 🤣

I never understand when people say "how do I bring this up". Surely as husband and wife you can both chat about anything without having to ask the Internet how to bring it up though?

I can actually relate to what you said in your update! I tend to bang on sometimes and actually bore myself!
If he won't actually come out and say how he feels when you ask him it does make things more difficult to have a discussion about it. Is he the same over other subjects? Does he generally avoid saying what he really thinks to avoid hurting feelings or confrontation?

I read posts on this forum about men cheating, means nothing. Talk to your husband.

If it's a shared iPad, you just say 'I saw you searched x' and either make a joke or ask to talk about it.

Are your sure the iPad is shared, because you'd expect that you can look at the r search history if it is.

@Steamboats - haha at least it's not just me! Glad someone else does the same. I'm on maternity leave at the moment so I'm probably talking at him a bit more than usual as I have a lack of adult conversation. Yes I suppose he is a bit of a peacemaker. He's relatively quiet which is why I probably feel the need to carry the conversation otherwise I think we'd just be sitting in silence which is nice sometimes but not all the time

@MILhere Yea it's shared. Thats why I'm not sure if he meant to delete it maybe? Or if he's left it there on purpose as a way of giving me a hint without having to actually speak to me about it

If you're talking about serious stuff and this is a passive aggressive way of silencing you, ok, not good... If you're 'known' to just talk and talk (my MIL is like this!) just for the sake of conversation, because you like the sound of your own voice, or because you just like to gossip etc, and you know this is you, then yes, I wouldn't even bring it up, but use it as a motivation for self-reflection/improvement.

The search came up automatically, so you can quite easily ask about it without illustrating that you were prying, or demonstrating a lack of trust. So, I would ask does he feel you talk to much? If so, ask for examples, and whether it bothers him a lot. It's important to both realise that each of us can do things that irritate our SO, as well as remembering that we have the right to be who we are and do whatever we choose (aside from abusing someone or deliberately hurting them). I'd say if it's niggling at you, it's important that you and he talk about it, so you can identify what his thoughts are. However, if he DID find your in depth talking annoying, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Also, if that is one of searches, he may simply be trying to better understand you as a person. The key is talking about it, I'd say.

I think I'd have to search 'why doesn't my husband talk more' or 'why is all conversation left to me' and leave it for him to find.

I wouldn't read too much into it. I search for all sorts of random stuff. I am not trying to leave coded messages.

I was thinking the same thing.

What a twat

TL:DR 😁

Sounds like you talk AT him rather than to/with him. My husband is like this sometimes, he now knows to stop as he can see my eyes glossing over sometimes - it is very draining to just listen to someone rabbit on and on and on, we have stuff we want to talk about to.

At least you are developing self awareness. Keep working on that. You don’t need to fill every silence.

Ive had 2 friends who never stopped . I’ve got a current neighbour who never stops.

It’s exhausting and I’ve had to distance myself from those friends and the neighbour. I hated riding in the car with my friends. They never ever stopped talking. I’d get home after a trip out, shopping etc and feel like I had to lie down in a darkened room with an Aspirin.

Why?

I doubt it was a hint. Doesn't sound like something he is necessarily unhappy about. The question is one of curiosity, not frustration. He didn't type "how do I tell my wife she talks too much?" Or "how do I make my wife stop talking so much?" No he thought huh I wonder why and then looked it up. I think you are overthinking the situation. I'm a major over talker and my husband definitely struggles to listen at times. He's even fallen asleep on numerous occasions, he's says it's soothing. He's probably BSing me but I don't care.

It's a bit odd that he googled that. Some people just talk a lot, and others know that and comment. My DD (16) is an absolute chatterbox and we all joke about lovely and quiet it is when she's not there. She knows she is noisy and chatty, sometimes that's lovely and sometimes we tell her to give it a rest. It's all lighthearted and not a problem. Her brother is much calmer and we laugh how quiet it is when we have him and she is away.....

Grandma is the biggest chatterbox ever. She can't bear a quiet interlude so will fill it with chat even if it is the same thing repeated a number of times. We do laugh gently about this but it's just her nature. And now she is old and widowed she probably makes the most of anyone to talk to.

We're all different. There is no right or wrong, and if you're on mat leave you are probably keen to chat. But I agree with PPs - you should ask him about it! If he is trying to chill and wanting some peace he should be able to say. Equally if you are climbing the walls having no-one to talk to you could tell him that. If either has a problem you need to work towards a solution - such as you join a club while he minds DC, or whatever? But do discuss it with him - randomly searching info on google is never going to replace actual conversation.......

@schoolie258 was the conversation a bit heavy for first thing in the morning/early/pre breakfast?
I take a coffee or two to get going, maybe he was gathering his wits and not up to it. I could absolutely see myself googling 'how do I get 15 minutes peace in the morning'

My husband sometimes checks out when I'm talking to him. It's obvious to me when he does because he'll grunt or say "yeah, ok, huh?" too often during our conversation. I usually call him out right then and there asking him why he isn't listening (usually I am just babbling, not entirely important topics when this happens). He told me, "I might not be listening, but I love the sound of your voice."

Is it possible maybe your partner doesn't really mind your talking, he just wants to see if others could relate. I mean in the same way we're on this app together. We're here to get insight and advice.

Search

Why doesn't my husband ask me to stop talking so much?

Then leave it for him go find and maybe you can have a messaging thing going...🙄

Just ask him!

If you are aware that you're talking too much, you definitely are. Your husband sounds like he is trying not to hurt your feelings. It can be really, really exhausting when people drone on about essentially nothing, especially after a long work day.

Maybe leave a search on how to deal with small penises...see if he questions it? 😆