To think I'm not autistic?

[meadowhouse]

AIBU to think that if I was autistic it would've been noticed during the many years I was in therapy as a teen?

I think I'm autistic but doubting myself because how could so many professionals miss it?

There's always one, isn't there?

It may seem that way to you, but that's because there are generations of us who were forced to hide away (at great cost to ourselves) thanks to society's massive bias against us, and are now talking about it out in the open because each of us has realised we're not the only one. Despite the efforts of some people to gaslight us into thinking we're just following a trend for the plaudits of...what, exactly? A condition that causes us to be social outcasts?

Think it through for a minute.

@meadowhouse - be aware that late-diagnosed autism presents differently to the classical model, and you'll be best off seeking an assessor who's well-versed in adult diagnosis. That's not trying to game the system, it's simply optimising the chances of an accurate assessment.

Contrary to popular belief, there's a growing feeling that it's not that autism presents differently in women specifically, but rather than it presents differently if the subject is an early- (and heavy-) masker. It just so happens that girls are more likely to learn to mask early because of the different social pressures that NT girls and boys impose. So...just find someone who's familiar with the presentation in adults, and you should be good :) Just don't give in to the impostor syndrome...it nearly got me a few times.

@ntmdino thank you that's all very helpful!

Where do you recommend I go for diagnosis? I was thinking about going through the Right to Choose route. I'm a high masker and I'm worried I won't fit the most stereotypical criteria. Always thought I had C-PTSD but something seems incomplete.

When did you get your diagnosis? Didn’t realise it was so easy to get one that it means now everyone is…

Many people think EUPD should come under the ND umbrella.

I take it you are autistic along with all your friends, family and colleagues?

That's interesting. My autistic DS has always presented closer to the female presentation.

There’s every possibility they weren’t looking for it. I saw therapists throughout my teens and 20s, none of them diagnosed my severe ADHD.

I’m a woman and I’d managed to keep all the plates spinning (quite often by the skin of my teeth) so they weren’t looking for it. I even raised it with one and she said I couldn’t have ADHD because I had gone on to higher educations and got qualifications! Her example of ADHD was a male family member who had been expelled, couldn’t engage with work and struggled with relationships.

I’ve been reading recently about how many women with ADHD and/or autism are misdiagnosed with personality disorders in their teens or early 20s. That didn’t happen to me but it shows there was, and maybe still is, a lack of awareness in the system.

Can anyone account for the absolutely massive rise in autism/ Neurotypical diagnoses?

My GP repeatedly refused my request for referral on the basis that I've been gainfully employed ever since I left university. "The system" effectively has the wrong gatekeepers - GPs can't be expected to keep up with rapidly-changing developments in non-biological areas of medicine. At one point, he even basically said that it wasn't worth them spending the money on a diagnosis for me "even if you do turn out to be autistic", on the basis that there's no support available anyway.

I disagreed, so I paid for a private assessment.

If you've not read it already @meadowhouse then it's worth reading "Strong female character" by Fern Brady. She's a comedian who wasn't diagnosed until her 30s. She worked it out for herself in her teens, but was told by a doctor that she couldn't be autistic because she had a boyfriend and could make eye contact. So she believed him, and spent years looking for another cause for why she smashed up her house regularly.

It's an autobiography of sorts but really focussed around her autism, I can't recommend it strongly enough.

Yes, they often go hand in hand.

I don't think there's been any particular rise in neurotypical diagnoses...

But anyway, yes. It comes down to three things:

1 - The realisation that Aspergers and autism are, at the root of it, the same thing.

2 - The realisation that the tendency to hide the condition in order to function in society (ie masking) is, by definition, a part of the condition...and that previous diagnostic tools were incapable of dealing with that.

3 - The correction of misdiagnoses like bipolar disorder (especially in women) which were incorrectly medicated, when they were actually autistic (but the medical profession didn't believe girls/women could be autistic).

Everything else is just a consequence of those things. Particularly #2 - while it used to be that only children were diagnosed autistic, the reality is that there are multiple generations of autistic people in out in the world trying to cope with life in ways that we shouldn't have to, and with the reduction in the social stigma attached to it we're finally able to be heard...and we're talking about it, rather loudly. It's a very isolating condition, and those of us who were early-maskers grow up believing we're the only ones that are weird like this, and hide it for fear of becoming outcasts...so just knowing that there are others (a lot of others) out there like us means that we don't have to do that any more.

The result of that is a perception that there's some conspiracy to over-diagnose it, or some other such social phenomenon, but that's really just a distortion of reality. Every study that's been done shows that adult diagnosis

So, basically, this "absolutely massive rise" is a one-off correction. It's no cause for concern, but it deserves recognition.

Autism has been in my family for seven generations, and members of my family were subject to everything from being called the village idiot to being institutionalised and destroyed with drugs and ECT when the reality was that they could've had long, happy lives if we knew then what we know now.

Clinical Partners are a good right to choose provider waiting list are not too long 4-6 months. They do ADOS over zoom and a separate interview with an informant that you can join in with if you want too.

I asked a GP about it back in the early 2000s. He laughed at the idea and said I obviously didn't have autism because I could have a conversation.

So yeah, it definitely wasn't taken very seriously as a possibility for a long time.

I thought I had a social phobia as a teenager, which I learned my way out of. Most likely there was something deeper going on, but even trying to get medical professionals to agree I had that was challenging. Even when I had daily panic attacks about leaving the house, I'd get laughed at if I suggested I was anything other than lazy.

@SummerBreeze1980, that's an interesting comment about your DS's presentation being more typically female. Would you mind saying more about that please?

16YO DS is extremely bright, seems to get on with life just fine, but he has zero interest in being social even though he does not come across as awkward. Others seem to like him just fine at school, but outside, he has zero interest in ever seeing anyone or being in communication with anybody. I'm just wondering if he's masking when at school.

Apologies, a copy-paste error in the third-from-last paragraph. Should've been...

The result of that is a perception that there's some conspiracy to over-diagnose it, or some other such social phenomenon, but that's really just a distortion of reality. Every study that's been done shows that adult diagnosis is almost exclusively responsible for the increase in diagnostic volumes.

I'll have a go!

Just on friendships DS was always happier 1:1 or sometimes 1:2 rather than a big crowd. He seemed quite popular with other DC. I remember when he was at Beavers the other little boys coming up 'Hi L!' and I'd say to DS 'oh who's that?' and he say 'I don't know' with no interest. But the one boy he got on the best with he knew his name. So DS could socialise enough with the other boys for them to all like him, but yes it was a mask really as he only really was interested in his best friend! It was only as he got older and friendships became more complex than he struggled a bit. DS is 17 now. He fits in at college and has a little group he hangs out with. But outside of that he only has a few friends he sees out of college - his best friend since he was little and her boyfriend and one friend from college. He doesn't seem them every weekend but they chat online. He seems perfectly happy.

Typically autistic boys are supposed to be interested in cars and trains. But for my DS when he was little it was cuddly toys and animal figures and also collections of books. These are generally seen as more 'normal' collections. He would come across quite quiet and shy - no trouble in class. The meltdowns would happen at home.

Hope that helps a bit!

I was in therapy since I was 8 years old.
My autism wasn't diagnosed until I was 32.

Lots of different therapists. Lots of different misdiagnoses.

@SummerBreeze1980 my son is very much in the perceived "female presentation" too.
He's an expert masker.

Genuinely interested to know as I believe I probably have traits..well... Definitely have most of not all of the traits...and definitely some ADHD traits too...
I'm not sure I really care whether someone says I have it or not. What difference does it make exactly to get a diagnosis when you're older? Presumably it might make everything you've struggled with make a bit more sense..but it's a bit late isn't it...
But if you've read up on it and are fairly sure you've got it can you not get that sense of explaining things anyway without having join a waiting list and go through an assessment?

@Thecatisannoying , exactly as OP said. When you have a diagnosis (or find out it you don't need one) you can finally start to make sense of yourself, and your interactions with the world. It isn't a fix-all in and of itself, but gives you a starting point and a route forward.

I agree. My old therapist was of the opinion that EUPD was not an illness, but a different brain wiring.

Update; I'm diagnosed autistic 🤣

So is life different?