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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you do a party every year

68 replies

Agrannyeatingaburger · 29/04/2024 22:17

For your kids?

I’m feeling guilty if I don’t do one this year

When dd was 1, we had a little garden tea with grandparents, she was 2 during lockdown, so just parents again. For her third birthday we had a party with 8-10 friends, fourth birthday, family party with grandparents and fifth party, a huge party with lots of friends, decorations, foods, soft play etc.

Its a lot of effort and money, but I feel guilty if we don’t do it whilst she’s young.

Do you do one every year?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 30/04/2024 00:13

I've voted YANBU because YANBU to do what suits you.

We didn't start doing any 'friends' parties' until they were at school.
We did then give all of ours parties with friends for a few years, but we didn't go OTT with a huge party with lots of friends, decorations, foods, soft play etc..
More often than not, it would be 5 or 6 friends and games at the house.

We have, however also always invited Grandparents round for 'birthday tea' as a separate event. Just a hook on to which we hung making sure we invited people over a few times a year. Nice for the dc to feel they have had at least 2 special days for their birthday. But again, not huge amounts of work.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 30/04/2024 00:18

No. We did one occassionally but not every year. If there was no party there would be a family trip out and a meal or similar.

nadine90 · 30/04/2024 00:24

No, mine have had a couple of small bowling/play centre type parties, but we mostly do days out. Either with a friend or two, or just us. The last birthday was spent in Butlins! X

OneWorldly4 · 30/04/2024 06:39

Yes, I throw a party every year. My children love to celebrate with their friends and I love hosting. They have always been big parties, but I intend on down sizing the next one!

ZipZapZoom · 30/04/2024 06:45

YANBU to host every year if that's what you want but it seems a little pointless until they are at school.

mrssunshinexxx · 30/04/2024 06:49

It's individual isn't it. I did one for my eldest daughter turning 3 last summer in a village hall bouncy castle face painting did all the food was alot of effort and running around from me and dad but she loved it. Her younger sister turned 2 in Nov and we went to sealife centre for the day just the 4 of us. In due number 3 couple of weeks before November birthday one this year so won't be a 3rd party for her which I feel bad about so decided on no party for my eldest turning 4 however we have booked our first abroad holiday over her birthday so hopefully she will love that

Kittenkitty · 30/04/2024 06:56

You don’t have to do anything, so do whatever works best for you. I have an only child so it’s more manageable for me. I do whole class parties because I worry about people being petty about not inviting her to their kids party if they weren’t invited to hers. I think these will stop in year 2 to be honest. These big parties are incredibly expensive.

I now have a monzo bank account, it has “pots” which are basically the online equivalent of having a jar at home with a label saying “party” on it and every month I put £20 in it, and then when it’s birthday month the party money is there.

Doingmybest12 · 30/04/2024 07:06

Do they want a party? Can you afford a party? What would you do instead? Different families do things differently but we had parties every year until they didn't want them any more.

BendingSpoons · 30/04/2024 07:17

She is turning 6? What does she want? I know some people will offer a choice e.g. party or day out. One work colleague offers a holiday or a party and heavily pushes the benefits of the holiday!

Up to age 3 or 4 we had close family round for cake and presents, which wasn't much of an expense or hassle. We started parties with friends at 4 or 5. We have mostly had them at home for around 6 friends. We have done a mixture of playing/games and craft, leaning more towards the structured craft/decorate a cake as they get older. We have done 1 party where we took some friends to soft play but didn't book a party. It is more to organise but less money, which suits me.

Not all their friends have a party every year. Some do it occasionally.

daffodilandtulip · 30/04/2024 07:19

DS hated parties and has only had two in his life. DD loves parties but has done other things like ice skating, big meal out etc and they usually end in a sleepover.

Huldrafolk · 30/04/2024 07:20

This year (DS just turned 12) is the first year since he was in pre-school that we haven't, because he opted not to, and we went away instead.

TheTerribleMaster · 30/04/2024 07:33

We did a celebration every year until they stopped wanting to. Sometimes it was a party, sometimes a bowling trip, cinema and McDonald's, we did build-a-bear etc.

They are teenagers now so sort their own birthdays out with their mates and just ask me for money 😂

stargirl1701 · 30/04/2024 07:36

No, we alternate. One year a party and then one year a family day out.

GRex · 30/04/2024 07:51

You should do whatever you and your child want, as long as you can afford it. You don't need to spend a lot to set up a small party at home or at the park, the important thing is the people.

DS gets a family party and a friends party. He isn't happy about scaling back friend numbers each year, but he's a social butterfly type who would invite 70 kids without flinching, so we need to make him cut down. One of his friends isn't keen on attention at all and seemed to find even 4 of them slightly overwhelming. If we had that kid, I would think we would just arrange a day out with one or two best mates.

IamnotSethRogan · 30/04/2024 07:57

No sometimes we do a day trip an invite a couple friends over for dinner. We have also done a few joint parties meaning they can have a big party but the cost is split.

Saschka · 30/04/2024 08:10

DS had a first birthday party, and a family party for his second. We’d considered inviting his nursery friends to his 3rd birthday then covid hit and we couldn’t do anything for his 3rd or 4th (March birthday, both were in full lockdown).

We’ve done big birthday parties for his 5th-7th birthdays, but I think we’ll move to a smaller friend-group party next year - seems to be ageing out of all-class parties.

Lots of people don’t have parties though, so totally up to you. Mine always wants to invite everyone he knows (if it was up to him there would be 50 kids there), but I know other children who only want their best friends there.

I think you need to do something to mark her birthday, but it doesn’t need to be a big thing. 4 friends coming over for party games, pizza and movie night could be a huge success if you pitch it to them with enough enthusiasm (one of DS’s friends did exactly that, and everyone was so excited to go)

Mum2aTeen · 30/04/2024 08:31

We do but not with friends as my son hasn't really had any close friends/friends full stop (he has numerous disabilities) so always with grandparents and my sister.
We go like ten pin bowling mini golfing to the park or out for lunch somewhere.
Not sure if my son had friends maybe at the park or community centre.
My son is 14 he got invited to his first one on the weekend he was so excited (in the same special needs support class).

caringcarer · 30/04/2024 08:36

I found 6,7 and 8 the years my kids wanted parties the most. Before 6 they enjoy the day but it's better once they have school friends to share with. By the time they are 9 I just did 2 or 3 friends bowling or shoots and flumes swimming with them and McDonald's afterwards.

Oldermum84 · 30/04/2024 08:46

Not done one yet for our 4 year old. Days out and a nice dinner with cake afterwards. I suspect he'll want one sooner or later but has always hated other children's parties and not joined in, never gone on the bouncy castle etc so haven't seen the point yet.

jeemino · 30/04/2024 08:48

We've done one every year since they started nursery. Before that it would be a family day out. It's expensive and a headache organising it, we are doing whole class parties as that's common at this age. But we can absorb the cost and it takes us off the hook for play dates for a while.

BabyYodasGotMyTeacher · 30/04/2024 09:02

Yes. Up until covid (ie up until 6th and 8th birthdays) it was at our house, ~10 children with a theme for activities/games/cake. Luckily they're summer birthdays and so we could generally use the garden although I do remember one year when we hired a small bouncy castle that got rather wet...

Since covid they've wanted more activity based parties (trampoline park, later tag type things) but I miss the at home ones :-(

Bbq1 · 30/04/2024 09:23

We had a v small family party when ds was 1 then a small family party at 2 plus he then had a separate little party with his baby friends too.
Over the years, ds then had a couple of church hall parties with a magician and games, a soft play party, a bowling party, an organised Nerf type party, a scooter party and a couple of cinema/pizza parties. The number of attendees never went beyond 12. The last organised party we did was in year 6 when I took ds and 2 friends to our nearest seaside towns and we went to the arcade, pizza, rides and so on. So we did have a party every year until ds started secondary. They can be expensive (sometimes) but worth it as our son, at 18 still fondly remembers them all. Plus, i know we wouldn't continue parties after ds turned 11. Also they don't all have to be huge or massively expensive.

JustMarriedBecca · 30/04/2024 09:24

Smaller parties started to be a thing at our school from Year 1.
Anything from Ninja Warrior, gymnastics / dance / roller skates parties. Sometimes 6-8 friends. Sometimes 10-15 kids (all the girls or all the boys)
So I think you have very few years of class parties left.

Now we're at the "day out" - take a friend to a musical / dinner treat - stage.

Whaleway · 30/04/2024 12:54

No, DD's first party was at age 7.

I grew up with a party every year, sometimes two. It's nice, but not strictly necessary.

Mamabear487 · 03/05/2024 09:16

You aren’t being unreasonable if that’s your choice but they aren’t little for long so I would just do one anyway doesn’t have to be massive.