Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you do a party every year

68 replies

Agrannyeatingaburger · 29/04/2024 22:17

For your kids?

I’m feeling guilty if I don’t do one this year

When dd was 1, we had a little garden tea with grandparents, she was 2 during lockdown, so just parents again. For her third birthday we had a party with 8-10 friends, fourth birthday, family party with grandparents and fifth party, a huge party with lots of friends, decorations, foods, soft play etc.

Its a lot of effort and money, but I feel guilty if we don’t do it whilst she’s young.

Do you do one every year?

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 03/05/2024 09:17

No, my now 15 yo had a small pizza party when she was 7. Thats it. We didn't have the money to be throwing parties. We've had family over for cake though.

We tend to go out for a nice meal at their choice of restaurant. Have also has sleepovers here and there but a birthday party every year really isn't necessary.

Thereader91 · 03/05/2024 09:26

My eldest is a winter baby and hall hire, food, entertainment etc etc just got too much this year so I've told her she won't be having one for her next birthday but said in the 6 weeks holidays she can have a few friends sleep over or stay really late (depends what they and their parents are comfortable with). I'll get frozen pizza, face masks, nail varnish etc etc should cost no more than £60 all in.
We will also host family on her actual birthday as we always do.

My youngest is 2 so doesn't have friends yet lol. I'm sure things will change as they both get older.

Point is don't feel guilty for doing what you have to do. EVERYTHING is crazy expensive... Add it all together and its just too much 😞

Abbyant · 03/05/2024 09:27

We’ve made a bit of a rod for our back with parties as my dd has had a party everywhere but we’re not doing one this year as we’re getting both of the dc’s christened a couple weeks later, so there’s been lots of tears and why’s but she understands now that she’ll be getting a big party a couple weeks later and she can have a friend around on her birthday to play and get McDonald’s.

Soubriquet · 03/05/2024 09:30

No. Dd had a party at 1, 4, 8 and recently at 11 because it’s her last year at school.

Ds hasn’t actually had a party yet….which looks really bad but we’ve promised him a party for his 11th too

Ponoka7 · 03/05/2024 09:35

My youngest GC wants a party every year, so my DD has done soft play/bounce. The eldest (9) always wanted city breaks. We all chip in. This year it's the class trip and they are late back, my DD is made up, they are having a UK seaside break for what it would have cost. A lot of the parents have done just the 5th birthday class party.

Imisssleep2 · 03/05/2024 09:57

You don't need to do a party for every year. I done one for my son's first and will be doing one for his 5th as he will have just started proper school as he is a September baby, thought would be a great way to meet the parents and kids he will grow up with. Once they get to 6 I think they are old enough to choose if you give options. My friend asked her daughter what she wanted to do, and they went to centre parcs for a long weekend instead of an expensive party. Another friend of mine also asks her children if they want a party or a day out with one of two friends and they have always choosen the day out option. So when my son is 6 I will ask him what he wants to do.

LaWench · 03/05/2024 10:01

We only do family get togethers for kids parties. They choose a day out with 1-2 friends for theor birthday. I have only done 1 proper class party and that is a climbing wall one when they turn 11, as it is the last one with all their primary school friends.

WeightoftheWorld · 03/05/2024 10:02

Nope. Especially not in early years when they don't have a clue what's going on and don't ask for a party.

DC1 is about to turn 6.
She's having a party for her 6th birthday because she's consistently asked for one even though I tried to put her off lol.
For 5th birthday we went away for a weekend and visited friends and took a day trip to a theme park.
For 4th birthday she had a party, again cos she asked for one.
3rd birthday we took her and her cousin on a day trip to a farm.
2nd birthday was lockdown so did nowt.
1st birthday we took her to a free local festival and met some family there and had a cake.

DC2 is 2. He was unwell on both his 1st and 2nd birthdays so we did nothing, although did go to his DGPs house for a takeaway belated birthday lunch both times with some family. If he's not unwell on his 3rd birthday we are planning a day trip to an aquarium.

Rookangaroo4 · 03/05/2024 10:05

My kids are 17 and 18 now but we did big parties for the first year in reception with the whole class. After that just small things, maybe 5 or 6 friends. We’ve done bowling, make up parties, pizza parties at home. For their 5th birthdays they had build a bear parties. Definitely have had a few years of just family at home too.

Lupuswarriors · 03/05/2024 11:27

My kid only had 3 parties ....from age 5 onwards we took him on a birthday holiday to centre parcs or dinseyland etc. I give him the option now of a party or holiday and he always picks holiday so ...I never feel bad.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/05/2024 11:30

We do one every year, but they don't have to be big expensive affairs. Some friends over, a few party games, some homemade playdoh, some sandwiches and fairy cakes for tea isn't a huge expense.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/05/2024 11:32

Nope! One big class party and after that it’s either a few friends or nothing (august baby- last yr she got her room decorated instead). But tbh a few friends doing an older activity is just as expensive as a class party in a hall imo.

Thamantha · 03/05/2024 11:38

We have a similar aged child and have not yet done a birthday party for him.

We tend to do a grand day out to a new place for each birthday, and cake/dinner with close family or friends.

I had thought about doing a party this year, but had a second child just over a month before, so next year is the first one i think we will do. He has only just started to get excited about birthdays and parties.

AstralSpace · 03/05/2024 11:39

We did one every year but it was usually after school on the day of their birthday with their closest friends.
Basically, a play date with party food and cake.
The dc and friends always enjoyed it. I remember one particular one where they literally didn't stop screaming with excitement for the whole 3 hrs.

mycatsanutter · 03/05/2024 11:40

I do , my son is 11 this year I do a crazy party in the garden - games , water balloons , bouncy castle they all love it . I save money by buying cheap food and supermarket birthday cake .

BrendaSmall · 03/05/2024 11:46

My 3 daughters had a party every year, we would go to the local soft play and it would be so easy as the venue done all the food and drink, only a week between 2 of their birthdays, they’d still have separate parties, we did this from the age of 2 when at toddler group and then at pre school right up till their 11th birthday. 12 onwards they’d go to the cinema with friends

Original poster
Agrannyeatingaburger · 03/05/2024 13:58

So Dd now has decided she wants a party and was getting upset asking 😩

OP posts:
Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 03/05/2024 15:00

Go with something easy at this age, we did 5 friends over for a pyjama party themed party - just wacked some films on for them, they all came in their pj's and I made pizza, nachos, popcorn and picnmix. Happy kids, happy daughter, very easy on me and my wallet! My son is a bit older and took a few friends bowling and for pizza. They each had 1 huge party once, with all the class, bouncy castle etc but I just did it once, it costs a lot and the reality is they're only friends with 5 or 6 kids so you're basically just feeding loads of children they don't even play with at school.... I wouldn't say do nothing, but don't pressure yourself to do anything too amazing, go to pizza hut with her best friends, have a few children over for games and cake, or take a small group for a picnic at the park- there's lots of easy options

Throwaway1234567890000000 · 03/05/2024 15:53

I throw parties that are known for being awesome among her friends. I don’t even know how I get myself into them, every year I say no more and then they are…just….more!

However, I have fun, I tend to have an idea, invite people, forget about it until the last minute then pull something fab together in the nick of time. You’d think I’d learn, but I don’t. It’s the same every year.

I do them because they’re fun, I find it fun, my daughter LOVES it, but most importantly I don’t struggle to afford it. I don’t do it because I think I have to, or that her life would be negatively impacted if I didn’t. And I absolutely wouldn’t do it if it brought stress or it wasn’t affordable.

I am many years into parenting and I can say hand on heart, some kids have parties, others don’t, some have them some years and not others. Around year 5 they become smaller ‘gatherings’ rather than everyone invited parties. The parties vary, and the kids love EVERY SINGLE ONE. No matter how cheap or expensive, nobody cares, they all have a blast.

Workawayxx · 03/05/2024 16:52

We haven't done one every year. For DS (now 12), we did small family/friend round tea most birthdays. For his 4th he had a party with friends from preschool in a hall (with entertainer who came into preschool so knew them all which was amazing). When he was 5, we did a whole class party in a hall (manic! I didn't think all 30 plus a few extras would say yes!). At 6, he had a party with 10 kids at home, stuffing teddies and decorating t-shirts for them. Sort of build-a-bear at home.

Covid scuppered a few from 7-10 ish. Then I think for his 9th or 10th, we did an outdoors party (as it was when you could meet in groups outdoors) with an obstacle course in my parents garden. That was great fun but relied on the weather! That was maybe 15 kids.

For DD, she's 3 and we've just been at home with family so far. I imagine we will do a whole class party in a hall for her 5th birthday when she starts school. I have a cheap to hire but nice enough hall about 50 m from my house which is handy!

WonderfulSkye · 03/05/2024 18:40

Gosh no! I think my kids had maybe 3? We also did other things like taking best friend to a show, a few friends pottery painting. But traditional noisy party not many, mainly because I absolutely hated doing them 🤣🤣🤣
My daughter’s favourite was half a dozen friends in the garden in the paddling pool with a few games like pass the parcel and bashing a piñata with a stick!

2024istheyearforme · 03/05/2024 19:25

ill be doing a party for both my kids every year, they are 4 & 5 .. because they love it and yes they do know that they have a birthday every year and get excited for it

Duechristmas · 03/05/2024 20:10

I do/did because I enjoy them. There's no judgement if somebody doesn't. I will however argue til the cows come home that 8-12 is the perfect number for young children. They don't know the names of everybody in their class let alone get on with them all. Smaller is better.

RebeccaRedhat · 03/05/2024 20:13

I've done one every year for my kids for their whole class in reception and yr 1. Yr 2 was just the girls or just the boys and yr 3 onwards their friendship group did something. My yr 3 daughter has chosen cinema and pizza for her and 3 friends, my yr 8 son has chose football for 20 of then 🤣 it's the biggest party he's had in years but it wasn't an expensive one so I'm OK with it!

hottchocolatte · 03/05/2024 20:13

I think it's fine. Do what works for you and your family.

Why would it be unreasonable not to have a party? As long as you make the day special for your child in a way that you can afford I don't see what the issue is.

Do people feel they should reciprocate a party invitation? I have invited a few people to my DC parties and they sometimes say apologetically "we're not have a party this year..." or "we are just having a family party at home". I don't see an issue with that and don't expect others to have a party just because we might do.