Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk friends

86 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 14:55

Cannot quite believe the situation I ended up in at the weekend and would really appreciate any objective input please!

Good friend organised to go for bottomless brunch and drinks after with a group of ladies. 7 of us mostly in our late 30s. We arrived around 2pm, my friend (let's call her Kate) and one of her friends (let's call her Claire) got quickly drunk but Kate sorted herself out by stopping drinking and having lots of water. Claire went very much the other way.

The original plan was to get the bus home around 9pm and most went by then. Kate and Claire wanted to stay longer. Kate wanted to order some food which I thought was a good idea so I reluctantly agreed to get 10pm bus but said I must be on that as I had to be up next day and had plans with my young children.

Time came to leave and Claire wouldn't go, still drinking and dancing. Claire doesn't speak much English and Kate has same native language as Claire so Kate was trying to persuade her. We spent 20 minutes trying to get Claire to leave but she wouldn't so I eventually said well I will have to go on my own because I can't miss this bus. Kate said wait she would drag Claire out. I stood outside another 5 mins but they didn't come, popped my head back in and Claire was sat drinking. So I left but text Kate saying if they rush they can still make it.

Now Kate is saying I am a terrible friend for leaving drunk friends alone. I feel awful but also feel like it's me who should be annoyed that I stayed later than I wanted to but still ended up walking alone then waiting on my own for the bus. All the way to the bus I was calling and texting them both so I feel I did all I could.

There was a later bus we could have got but I was already an hour later than I wanted to be and felt it would have been the same problem if I had waited another 30 minutes, possibly worse as Claire was still drinking.

Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 29/04/2024 14:59

No. Kate and Claire are adults, they wanted to stay and drink.

You made it clear 10pm was your cut off, what did Kate expect you to do? Drag them out screaming from the pub/club.

You have responsibilities, it doesn’t sound like they do.

CustardySergeant · 29/04/2024 15:00

You did nothing wrong whatsoever.

Peonies12 · 29/04/2024 15:01

You left them together? They're adults, don't give it another thought.

BiIIIie · 29/04/2024 15:01

To be fair to them I wouldn't go out for a bottomless drink with strict plans on what bus I had to be on, things can change when people are having a good time. But if you needed to leave that's fine, they shouldn't blame you for that. If they agreed to leave they should have gone. If they didn't agree it will have put a dampener on their night having to leave early.

theonlygirl · 29/04/2024 15:06

Of course you didn't do anything wrong. Kate is a CFer. They're not kids, they can get themselves home.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 15:08

Just to be clear, I didn't tell them they had to leave, Kate agreed to leave at 10pm so I stayed with them. Kate wanted to leave then but Claire wouldn't come. I am now being told I am a bad friend for leaving them there knowing they were drunk. I was a bit annoyed about all the stress at the end of the night, but wouldn't have said anything about it. It is Kate who has told me I shouldn't have left them.

OP posts:
madameparis · 29/04/2024 15:28

Kate and Claire are adults and responsible for themselves. You are not their sober babysitter.

I would tell them that you wanted to leave, you gave them the option to leave with you for the 9pm and 10pm bus but they turned this option down. You cannot have been expected to drag them onto a bus, or stayed out for hours and hours to babysit drunk people. Their wants/needs do not trump yours.

IhateSPSS · 29/04/2024 15:33

I'd text Kate back saying that you clearly communicated that you were leaving on the 10pm bus in order to be able to be there for your DC waking up in the morning, that was your priority. Kate was going along with Claire's timeline, which is her choice, you were going along with your own and you don't appreciate the guilt trip.

Crumpleton · 29/04/2024 15:36

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 15:08

Just to be clear, I didn't tell them they had to leave, Kate agreed to leave at 10pm so I stayed with them. Kate wanted to leave then but Claire wouldn't come. I am now being told I am a bad friend for leaving them there knowing they were drunk. I was a bit annoyed about all the stress at the end of the night, but wouldn't have said anything about it. It is Kate who has told me I shouldn't have left them.

I'd message back and say
"Not only did you totally ruin my evening with the lack of ability to control your alcohol intake, you have the cheek to moan because I got fed up with your selfish behaviour and left.
I was their to meet friends not to be your personal chaperone"

Chatonette · 29/04/2024 15:39

Kate and Claire aren’t 17. You set boundaries, gave them several warnings, and continued to call/text.

Screamingabdabz · 29/04/2024 15:41

If anything, they abandoned you.

Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 15:42

I guess the issue here is Kate also wanted to leave. But as Claire was drunk she stayed to ensure her safety. You didn’t. You left Kate to it. It is not the case Kate wished to stay. She did so because her friend was drunk and she didn’t want to leave her alone in that condition.

i can see their point.

CommentNow · 29/04/2024 15:49

Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 15:42

I guess the issue here is Kate also wanted to leave. But as Claire was drunk she stayed to ensure her safety. You didn’t. You left Kate to it. It is not the case Kate wished to stay. She did so because her friend was drunk and she didn’t want to leave her alone in that condition.

i can see their point.

This is exactly it. I mean, you shyly both be pissed off at Claire but ultimately you left Kate to the shit job of keeping a friend safe.

Lesson fr next time is to leave at the same time as other people

twoforj0y · 29/04/2024 15:57

Is it a bit of "you left one friend to deal with the really drunk friend"?

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 16:16

Yeah that might be part of it, Kate has known Claire for 20 years and she has always been like this, often can't reme getting home, uses drugs, been sacked from her job recently for being drunk at work. I hardly know Claire so yes it did fall to Kate to try to drag Claire out. I tried for 20 minutes to help but then yes ultimately I did decide I wasn't prepared to wait any longer and risk being stuck there with Claire getting more drunk as still drinking wine.

It was a really awful situation.

OP posts:
Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 16:22

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 16:16

Yeah that might be part of it, Kate has known Claire for 20 years and she has always been like this, often can't reme getting home, uses drugs, been sacked from her job recently for being drunk at work. I hardly know Claire so yes it did fall to Kate to try to drag Claire out. I tried for 20 minutes to help but then yes ultimately I did decide I wasn't prepared to wait any longer and risk being stuck there with Claire getting more drunk as still drinking wine.

It was a really awful situation.

So why play you don’t know. Kate was landed with her, she did the decent thing and stayed, even though she wanted to leave. Because Claire was both drunk and doesn’t speak much English. You elected to fuck off out of it and leave Kate to it. That’s fine. But don’t expect them to like you for it or thank you for texting from the bus.

Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 16:24

You didn’t even go back in to say you were leaving. Kate thinks leaving a drunk woman like that isn’t ok. Hence why she stayed to help. Alone. Of course she doesn’t think much of you.

but hey at least you were only an hour late and texted.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 16:26

Oh I don't expect thanks at all. I just feel hurt to be called a bad friend for going home as planned. Kate invited Claire knowing how she can be then seems to have expected me to help her babysit and is now saying she was also so drunk she didn't know how to get to the bus station or text me the name of any shop or bar they were near or ask for directions. She certainly wasn't that drunk when I left.

OP posts:
Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 16:27

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 16:26

Oh I don't expect thanks at all. I just feel hurt to be called a bad friend for going home as planned. Kate invited Claire knowing how she can be then seems to have expected me to help her babysit and is now saying she was also so drunk she didn't know how to get to the bus station or text me the name of any shop or bar they were near or ask for directions. She certainly wasn't that drunk when I left.

Sorry I think you’re a shit friend as well. I’ve had situations where someone has got drunk, and as painful as it is. I have never ever abanonded them.

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 29/04/2024 16:34

YANBU.
She literally did that to herself with the awarness you had to leave.
Any issues that arose from her drunkeness are hers alone.

People can't get paralytic and then play the victim when other get sick of their BS

Hopefully she's learned a lesson.

Martinii · 29/04/2024 16:38

Not the point of the thread but isn't brunch supposed to be a morning thing? 🤔

Gymmum82 · 29/04/2024 16:43

Firstly you didn’t leave them alone. You left them with each other and secondly they are grown adults. If they are unable to moderate their drinking enough to get themselves home safely then they shouldn’t go out drinking

CatamaranViper · 29/04/2024 16:45

Nah I'd say they're acting like bad friends for trying to pin this on you. You are not their carer, nor their parent. I they want to get smashed and stay out, crack on, have fun, but you do not need to stay in any situation that you don't want to.

TBH, I wouldn't have stayed until 10.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 16:56

Thank you for all the replies, it has really helped!

I did feel bad for Kate as she was in a bad situation but on the other hand, she invited Claire knowing she is always like this and then asked me to stay later with them on the understanding we would all leave together at 10pm, later then I had wanted.

Kate doesn't seem at all annoyed with Claire, just saying well she had a great time and was drunk so of course she didn't want to leave. No problem but I don't feel that means I have to stay too.

I told them I was leaving and reminded them when we had 20 minutes left then 10 minutes and was literally standing at the door saying I need to go until 5 minutes before bus was due so they had plenty of warning. If I had been confident Claire would leave for the last bus I would have stayed but I suspected it would just be the same again but worse because she was drinking a bottle of wine to herself by that point.

Lesson learned though, I won't let myself end up one of the last people out. Just very sad that I seem to have lost a good friend over this.

OP posts:
CoffeeCatsAndVodka · 29/04/2024 17:00

I would turn it round on both of them and tell them that they had promised to catch the bus with you and they let you down as you had to go alone. They are the bad friends not you as you were just sticking to the agreed plans!

Swipe left for the next trending thread