Drunk friends

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Cannot quite believe the situation I ended up in at the weekend and would really appreciate any objective input please!

Good friend organised to go for bottomless brunch and drinks after with a group of ladies. 7 of us mostly in our late 30s. We arrived around 2pm, my friend (let's call her Kate) and one of her friends (let's call her Claire) got quickly drunk but Kate sorted herself out by stopping drinking and having lots of water. Claire went very much the other way.

The original plan was to get the bus home around 9pm and most went by then. Kate and Claire wanted to stay longer. Kate wanted to order some food which I thought was a good idea so I reluctantly agreed to get 10pm bus but said I must be on that as I had to be up next day and had plans with my young children.

Time came to leave and Claire wouldn't go, still drinking and dancing. Claire doesn't speak much English and Kate has same native language as Claire so Kate was trying to persuade her. We spent 20 minutes trying to get Claire to leave but she wouldn't so I eventually said well I will have to go on my own because I can't miss this bus. Kate said wait she would drag Claire out. I stood outside another 5 mins but they didn't come, popped my head back in and Claire was sat drinking. So I left but text Kate saying if they rush they can still make it.

Now Kate is saying I am a terrible friend for leaving drunk friends alone. I feel awful but also feel like it's me who should be annoyed that I stayed later than I wanted to but still ended up walking alone then waiting on my own for the bus. All the way to the bus I was calling and texting them both so I feel I did all I could.

There was a later bus we could have got but I was already an hour later than I wanted to be and felt it would have been the same problem if I had waited another 30 minutes, possibly worse as Claire was still drinking.

Was I in the wrong?

You have done nothing wrong. Kate is being very silly.

If you ask me Kate's feeling guilty because she asked some friend along who she knew would get shitfaced and ruin the night for others, so she's trying to pin the blame on you to assuage her own guilt. Personally I would say that in future you will be thinking twice about going out with grown ass women who act like teenagers during Freshers Week.

Nope, grown adults are their own responsibility.

Same here- I cannot stand people that regularly get rip roaringly drunk and then just expect people to babysit them. Its completely out of order.

OP- you did nothing wrong- you didnt leave her alone in a ditch at 2am in a deserted area FGS, she had Kate with her and Kate chose to invite her KNOWING that she has form for doing this on the regular. I'd be furious with both of them and I certainly wouldnt be going out with them ever again if alcohol was involved. They are both grown women and they left YOU to go home alone so if this makes you a bad friend in their eyes then it also makes them bad friends too!

Kate has now text saying that I am playing the victim
She’s totally DARVOing you! She’s trying to to play the victim. And is trying to make you feel guilty and accept responsibility for her shitty actions and decisions.

She invited out her friend who she knows has form for this type of behaviour.

She drank too much.

She and her friend refused to leave at the agreed time.

You are not at all responsible for the three mistakes she made.

Exactly this. Ignore the absolute idiots saying you are at fault. I bet they are a nightmare to go on a night out with themselves. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They owe YOU an apology. In future I just wouldn't go out with them. They'll probaby run out of friends to go out with because no grown adult would take that selfish drunken behaviour.

I'd text her back and tell her you're not a fucking babysitter. This would give me the rage!!

I probably wouldn't have left one person alone and drunk but they were together and they're both grown women so I don't think you did anything wrong. If they can't handle their drink, that's their problem! Acceptable at 17, much less so in your 30s!

Kate accuses you of playing the victim OP, whilst whining about falling over.

Okay then.

I feel really sorry for Kate.
She wanted to go home too but didn’t want to leave her very drunk, vulnerable friend.

Kate was thinking about Claire, whilst you only thought about yourself.

I don’t know what the solution would have been but leaving 1 friend to deal with something is a bit of a shitty thing to do.

This is it in a nutshell.

But the OP has responsibilities she needed to get home for. No way would I put some drunk dickhead above my kids.

Nope. You did nothing wrong. You told them you had to leave by a certain time and had dc's at home. Kate and clare are in the wrong.

The same happened to me many, many years ago but I was driving and not drinking. Ended up getting home at 4.30am because my friend invited her work colleague and she got absolutely sh@t faced and disappeared. Found her and stuggled to get this woman in my car. She could hardly stand up. I got stopped by the police on the way home because her feet and legs were leaning against the side window due to how she was laying in the back of the car. I was breathalyser but obviously all fine but I was driving slowly so they thought I had been drinking. we were told we were good friends and i said she isnt my mate, just a pain in the backside .She lives on her own, so we found her key and put her to bed. No apology and apparently we spoilt her night. This was all before I was married and had dc's.

No. You didn't do anything wrong. They both sound like they wanted to enjoy themselves regardless of the impact it had on you, so they have no right to blame you for their choices.

Did they ask you to be their carer whilst they got drunk?

You left your friend to deal with a drunk person on her own because you didn’t want the inconvenience of having to stay and help.

Kate didn’t want to stay any more than you did, she stayed to look after the pissed person because she probably knew that leaving her alone would be dangerous and could have serious consequences.

If I were Kate, I think I’d feel like both of you were shit friends. Claire for getting so drunk she couldn’t look after herself and you for leaving her to deal with it alone.

Kate wanted to catch the same bus you did, she just has a better moral compass.

This is why I rarely go out anymore and enjoy being home in my pyjamas 😂
YANBU at all

I always sort my ‘getting home’ arrangements prior to going out. For example, I’ll buddy up with a friend and we plan to get a cab/the train back together. If you did no such thing, don’t worry, you were not obligated to stay. If we are old enough to go out and consume alcohol, we are old enough to consider our route home. Were you really expected to potentially ruin your plans the next day due to tiredness because Claire was acting up? OP, your friends reaction is childish.

Maybe I'm a bad friend - some on this thread seem to think so - but I'd have done exactly what you did OP. We can't control others, only ourselves, and you did the best you could to get them on the bus that you had to get. I hate this thing where one person who's made the decision to get drunk is suddenly everyone else's responsibility. It's not as though Claire fell ill out of the blue and you left Kate to look after her! She's well past being old enough to know her limits. I'd be annoyed at Claire if I were Kate, but that's for her to deal with and she shouldn't be blaming you.

Don't be so utterly absurd. Claire is an addict and Kate is an enabler. I wouldn't be spending time with either one of them.

You were the one left on your own, they were together. I wouldn't go out with them again.

You don't leave one drunk friend alone....but their was two if them, one significantly better than the other.
They shouldn't have let you go home alone, they should have gone with you.

How old are you all? All this staying with a drunken friend is the stuff of undergraduate days. The added drama of people falling over and walking ahead "in a huff" has had me expelling my eyeballs just reading about it 🙄

A grown woman getting publicly drunk to a point where another grown woman who was vaguely more sober had to stay with her, & they're both annoyed that another grown woman set clear & sensible boundaries for her evening, kept herself sober, & got herself home to her children?

Kate & particularly Claire need to take a hard look at their lives & choices. They could start by observing how the OP behaved & attempting to follow her lead.

OP - take this as a barometer moment. Time to remove yourself from their embarrassingly immature world and find some friends who are functional adults.

A little update - I saw Kate at the school years yesterday where our children attend. I said hello and she completely blanked me! Spoke to my children but not one word to me!

I have decided to follow the advice a few of you gave me and use this time to re-evaluate the friendship as a whole!

For those of you who have asked, all concerned are in our late 30s!

Thank you all very much for your wise words.

Late 30s?!! Oh my lord. Kate needs to grow up. Claire needs to see her GP and you need new friends. Good luck!

She sounds like an fecking child. She is the one who should be ashamed of her childish behaviour. Maybe she is embarrassed but even if she is that is no excuse to ignore you. I would be interested to know if she is talking to the people who left earlier than you.