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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just want my 9 week old to sleep through

29 replies

bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 07:40

I know I am being unreasonable because it's not going to happen anytime soon and he is still only little. But I guess I just need somewhere to vent, as I'm absolutely knackered and my mental health is shot.

The night feeds are so so difficult. He's waking up at least twice in the night and more often than not he won't go back to sleep after his feed. The whole thing can take over an hour. Yes I do have a DP who helps but it's still exhausting as when it's not my turn to feed, I can hear the baby crying and fussing and then it wakes me up also.

My DP also has to leave early for work so I have to get my 5 year old, myself and my 9 week old ready for the school run. I absolutely dread it every single day. I've been in tears this morning because I've just had enough, it's not just the night wakings but it's also that I feel I carry the burden of everything else. As I said above, my mental health is in pieces.

Somebody please tell me it gets easier? I don't remember things being this difficult with my first. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and currently, I'm just wishing time away for my baby to grow up which is an absolutely awful thing to say as I should be treasuring these moments and I just can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 07:42

Also other mums I know with similar aged babies saying their baby sleeps through. Like how?

OP posts:
BiIIIie · 29/04/2024 07:44

It's easier with your first because you haven't got the school runs or anything. It will get better. Speak to your HV about how you're feeling.

Original poster
bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 07:44

And people saying you'll miss these times when you look back. I honestly don't think I will. The newborn stage is not that enjoyable in my opinion.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/04/2024 07:46

Babies sleeping through is largely luck. Are you able to sleep in the day to catch up?

PoppingTomorrow · 29/04/2024 07:46

Gosh, mine is 13 weeks and only 2 night Wakes for feeds sounds great! But I don't have a 5 year old to wrangle. And I am at the end of my tethee doing all week nights. So..posting for solidarity and other's answers!

Is baby EBF?
I realised some of my NCT mum group were saying their baby sleeps through meaning a) medical definition ie 5 hours straight at some point in the night or b) waking only to feed then going back to sleep.

Frostynight · 29/04/2024 07:47

It isn't that enjoyable, I agree.

With my second child, I kind of gave up with the idea of say and night, and just looked at how much sleep I got in a 24 hour period.

So, I did the nursery run, then went straight back to sleep while ds2 napped. We started our day at 11.30am.

NotSmallButFunSize · 29/04/2024 07:47

bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 07:42

Also other mums I know with similar aged babies saying their baby sleeps through. Like how?

They're either lying, embellishing what really happens (I knew plenty who said they slept through but then said they woke to feed?!) or are extremely lucky now but it is no guarantee it will last for them.

Sorry - you are being a bit unreasonable as he is 9 weeks but you are knackered so that's allowed. I only have solidarity as I had babies that woke for ages (worst was til she was 3) and nothing I did really made any difference, sleep is a temperament and developmental thing.

Can you use some ear plugs when it's not your turn and go to bed super early? When your eldest is at school go back to bed with the baby? It's kind of just survival at this stage...

ASighMadeOfStone · 29/04/2024 07:47

A 9 week old sleeping through is not the norm. The baby expert sites etc say some babies will sleep through at between 6-9 months. They mean a 6 hour stretch, which could be, depending on that baby's routine, from 8pm to 2am. Or 2am-8am.
What they don't mean is a normal human adult's 11-7 sleeping through.

Don't be too hard on yourself- fuck the housework, watch mindless telly. This too shall pass.

PS- I have never spoken to anyone whose babies slept through at such a young age.

Original poster
bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 07:50

I'd love to catch up on sleep during the day but this rarely happens either. DS naps for short times and wakes up really easily

OP posts:
Littlepixie75 · 29/04/2024 07:53

Urgh you poor love. It’s giving me flashbacks. It does somehow pass by though and after a while you’ll realise things have got a tiny bit easier. Will baby fall asleep on school run? If so just come in, put pram in quiet room and go back to bed for a bit. Or if school run is in car and baby falls asleep, just park the car somewhere quiet and sleep in the car. I used to do this most days! Even getting half an hour of kip this way helps a little. And go to bed really early, like 8pm - you just need to go into survival mode for a short period. The priority is getting sleep!

blarte · 29/04/2024 07:54

My baby slept through the night from 8 weeks...she's now 10 months & was up every hour last night & had two feeds 🤣 they all humble us at some point OP. In a few weeks/months time your baby will be sleeping through & theirs will be up every hour. They change so much & so often. Hang in there it'll come Flowers

Zanatdy · 29/04/2024 07:57

the newborn stage is hard. I’m not going to depress you with how old my second baby was before he slept through but waking twice at 9wks is pretty decent. You do need to try and nap when baby sleeps in the day, I never did and always look back and wonder why as I love a daytime nap now. It does get easier - my second born was a terrible sleeper but I always say to people I had the hard time with him in the first 2yrs and since then he’s been a dream kid, he’s 20 this year and such a good kid. Hang on in there

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/04/2024 07:59

I hated this time.I had pnd and I cried everytime ds woke. i felt like I was in a living nightmare tbh.
It will get easier in time but you have my upmost sympathy.

WorriedWife3 · 29/04/2024 08:01

9 weeks is very little and most babies aren't sleeping through at that age. It's a tough time and you have my sympathy- don't let worries about whether other babies are sleeping through at that age add to your troubles, because they are not.

Original poster
bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 08:02

I know it could be a lot worse, but it doesn't feel like that at the moment for me. Going from having uninterrupted sleep every night to not is just such a massive shock to the system. I'd completely forgotten how hard these first few months are

OP posts:
FlameTulip · 29/04/2024 08:03

I found the newborn stage really hard - harder than any other age since then (including teenagers!). You just have to get through it, don't feel guilty about not enjoying it.

IWantOut29 · 29/04/2024 08:04

It's awful somtimes isnt it

I'll never ever forget my DS waking every 2 hours when he was tiny. Like you it took an hour all in all so was literally getting maybe 2 or 3 hours broken sleep a night. Honestly wanted to kill myself from the lack of sleep.

I know it's not much help now, but it wont be like this forever

BirthdayRainbow · 29/04/2024 08:06

Separate room for when it's not your turn, ear plugs.

Acceptance is a bit help but hard to do.

Paid help, be it to do the night feeds or in the day so you can rest.

Your dh needs to take more of the load. He is either at work or he is parenting/house chores. He doesn't get to doss about on his phone, etc if you're still doing household duties.

Sunnnybunny72 · 29/04/2024 08:07

My friend and her DH alternated nights at the weekend and the one 'off duty' slept in the garage on a camp bed with duvets etc, leaving the other parent to it. Guaranteed one full undisturbed nights sleep every week. Could also use a car/shed if desperate. They were.

WoshPank · 29/04/2024 08:09

It might not be that far away from happening. One of mine started sleeping through about twelve weeks, and it stuck wish I could fucking say the same for the other. Most babies aren't sleeping through by that age, but it's within the range of normal too. You could get lucky!

LetsGoRoundTheRoundabout · 29/04/2024 08:09

Newborn sleep is horrendous.

Can you sleep in a different room, or put earplugs in, when it’s not your turn to wake up?

We got in to a routine where DH went to bed early, I did feeds until 2am, then he took over until he left at 7. It meant we each got a solid 5 hours, plus a bit longer of interrupted sleep. For our 5 hour slots we were in a different room - even sleeping on the sofa was worth it!

My first was a horrible sleeper, it absolutely broke me.

SaltyGod · 29/04/2024 08:13

I’m not sure if this is helpful or not, but in hope that it’s helpful as a positive story, mine did sleep through by 9 weeks. They were EBF. That’s 8pm - 6am of uninterrupted sleep.

Of course they had regressions and periods of waking up in the night, it’s not always consistent.

My sympathies, it’s truly exhausting with newborns.

Original poster
bluebag27 · 29/04/2024 08:16

My son is FF for those asking if he is EBF

OP posts:
Howisitnotobvious · 29/04/2024 08:17

He's waking up at least twice in the night and more often than not he won't go back to sleep after his feed.

^ I'm sorry about the impact of your mental health but the first of these sentences is madness. It's not uncommon for children to wake at least twice until two! You must have had it so easy with your first your expectations are way off.

Watch some how to settle baby videos on you tube including the most recent guidance on relieving both bottom and top wind. Baby is growing into their guts.

YouveGotAFastCar · 29/04/2024 08:19

It’s developmental.

I’d have been thrilled with two wake ups a night; I was up every two hours until he was nearly 2.5!

Make sure your partner is pulling their weight, especially if he’s FF. I never managed a single day nap, during pregnancy or to date, but early bedtimes might be essential for a bit.

How early is DP up and out?