Probably am but just wondering on others’ thoughts

[Ivedoneallthedumbthings]

Friendship group containing A, B and me. A and B used to live together before I came into the picture. A and I now live together. A went to a relatives for lunch yesterday and invited B along. I wasn’t invited.

Now I get that A may have introduced B to said relatives during the course of living together. But AIBU that it bloody hurt?

I wouldn’t have done the same and would have asked if I could bring along both but I know not everyone is the same. It has really hit a nerve.

This is flatmates? Maybe B already knows them? Why are you keen to go to a flatmates family thing?

I too am wondering what the relationship is OP?

You’re not unreasonable to be hurt, but you would be unreasonable if you felt you should be invited. There’s lots of reasons why you might not have been asked, most of those reasons perfectly innocent.

@DoreenonTill8 because it’s the thoughtful thing to do? To be included?

To everything they do? It's someone else's home, they don't get to offer the invites!

@DoreenonTill8 I know but I would have asked all the same. I really wouldn’t leave someone out. Doesnt sit right.

Do you know As family?

Maybe B knows the family from before you were around and they said bring B along we haven't seen them in a while.

That sounds v enmeshed. Do you expect to be invited to everything A does? What's your relationship?

Is no-one allowed a day out without you?

Assuming you're not glued together?

Yes think this is the case @tiggergoesbounce but even so I would have said to family hey do you mind if I bring an addition. Knowing my family they’d say of course. I think it’s one of those situations where I am hurt someone didn’t act in the way I would.

Definitely not enmeshed, do lots of things separately.

But yet you're annoyed they went to their family members house without you?

But they're not visiting your family?

Therefore they probably

A) Didn't want to take the piss

B) Wanted some healthy time apart with a friend, considering they live with you.

I'm afraid I think you're being silly about this OP.

A went to a family lunch. B knows the family too, and was invited along. You don't know family and weren't invited. I'm honestly unable to see why this hurts you.

If someone invites you to their house you don’t ask to bring someone else!

Thanks @TwattyMcFuckFace no it wasn’t my family. It’s helpful to get a different perspective.

If you don't know them why do you need to be invited to their house? It's not your friends choice, it's the hosts. You don't just say I'm bringing several friends who you don't know to dinner. They invited your other friend, as they know her probably.

Haha @Wolfiefan it’s really not that big of a deal in circles I know. The More the merrier perspective

Maybe their family aren’t so accommodating? Maybe they did ask and their family said ‘sorry, not enough room/chairs/food’? Maybe they didn’t ask because they didn’t want to put their family member on the spot? Maybe they just wanted to catch up with B because they see you every single day?

Not everyone can afford to, or have the space to, accommodate more people.

This is why 3 is a crowd

Two of you will always vibe better

How comes you came to move in with one of them? Maybe that caused hurt

@Quitelikeit one moved in with long term partner

Fine if you're the host and think so, fucking annoying if you're the host and people turn up with randoms!

It genuinely wouldn’t occur to me that I needed to include every individual member of a friendship group on every single occasion — and I would find the expectation that it’s unfair of ‘excluding’ to do so to be honest sounds very juvenile. I don’t always want to see the same people, or I just want to see one individual. I couldn’t be in such an enmeshed situation where it was expected everyone trotted along or no one.

@FourSteeples agree. I do think on this particular occasion it would have been nice however. But thanks for your perspective it’s helpful!