Probably am but just wondering on others’ thoughts

[Ivedoneallthedumbthings]

Friendship group containing A, B and me. A and B used to live together before I came into the picture. A and I now live together. A went to a relatives for lunch yesterday and invited B along. I wasn’t invited.

Now I get that A may have introduced B to said relatives during the course of living together. But AIBU that it bloody hurt?

I wouldn’t have done the same and would have asked if I could bring along both but I know not everyone is the same. It has really hit a nerve.

This is the second time you've shown this attitude on this thread and it makes you come across as very rude, and lacking in social skills.

Yes think this is the case @tiggergoesbounce but even so I would have said to family hey do you mind if I bring an addition. Knowing my family they’d say of course.

And then...

it’s really not that big of a deal in circles I know. The More the merrier perspective

Your family and your circles mean nothing here as the hosts are neither.

Not everyone does things your way, or the way of your seemingly limited family and friends.

Not at all cryptic... so either B moved in with their partner and they're catching up, or you're As partner and sulking?

Lots of things would be ‘nice’. They may not however be practical, or acceptable to the host.
You seem to be of the opinion that the host of this particular dinner is obliged to host you. Why is that?

But this isn’t your social circle. If you invite people to your house an don’t mind them inviting others along then fine. But I wouldn’t expect others to think that’s ok.

Do you know the family member whose invite it was well? If you know them well and have been for dinner with them before but we’re excluded this time I somewhat see your point of view. If you don’t know them well and B does then YABU and you need to understand that it was not A’s place to invite extra people. A hasn’t arranged a meal and invited B and excluded you, A & B have received an invite from a third party which hasn’t included you, from the sounds of it likely because they don’t really know you? You can’t be annoyed at people you don’t really know for not inviting you along to something!

I had a friend like you, she thought it was natural to just be invited to things because we were friends or thought nothing of bringing someone along who she knew but hadn’t been invited to something (we’re not friends now but for other reasons) I don’t think it was meant maliciously or rudely but it made things awkward or difficult sometimes because she didn’t get that not everyone thought the way she did and could be hurt or angry sometimes when her way of thinking wasn’t shared.
There were times where it was hard because it seemed to her like she was being deliberately left out and her feelings were hurt but others felt they hadn’t actually done anything wrong so didn’t want to say they had but because they liked her weren’t happy her feelings were hurt either.

i think that friends don’t always have to do everything together and it’s ok sometimes when two or more mutual friends within a friend circle do something or meet up without me or I’m there when someone else isn’t.
i have lots of friendships where there’s is crossovers in relationships but I meet them separately or together and I know they meet separately or with me too.

As long as someone isn’t always being left out or ignored obviously as that’s a different scenario.

in you’re particular circumstance though is it just that because they now don’t live together they sometimes just want a bit of time together?

They have a friendship separate to yours with mutual friendships

They will do things together without you.

You bring daft. Do you invite your flatmate to everything you do with your friends?

You sound a bit suffocating please don't mention it as you'll cause bad feeling

So your friend was invited to a member of her own family's home for tea and told to bring a friend. She tossed a coin or picked the friend her family member knew or picked the friend who also enjoyed cross stitching/fossil hunting like her relative.
You can't turn a +1 invitation into a +2 . It would be frankly bizarre and really rude. If they'd made a secret plan to go to your favourite tea shop then maybe they were being unfair or cutting you out. But that wasn't what happened. In this circumstance someone was always going to be left out. If they had realised that you are particularly sensitive they could have told you in advance that there was only one additional invitation but do you want them to consider you 'particularly sensitive'?

Just as an example
i was friends with Norma (not real name) had been for years, i joined a group and became friends with Susan (the friend from my last post, not real name)
Norma was also part of this group (I didn’t know until I’d joined) so they knew each other and were friendly but not outside of this group.
so once I had these two separate friends if Susan for example asked me what I was up to and I said oh I was going to Norma’s for lunch on Saturday she would automatically assume she could come too because we were friends and she knew Norma and if I nicely said sorry that won’t work she would react as if I was leaving her out and would be very upset. My perspective was I wanted to see my friend and for both of us the dynamics would shift if someone else was there every time.

plus it’s not my place to extend an invitation, if Norma wanted her there she would have invited her herself.

does that make sense

I think it is strange you expected to be invited.

So not only do you live with her but you're offended you weren't taken out with her to visit family and her old house mate went instead.
Jeeeeeez, hard work much.
I would feel suffocated by you

Maybe old housemate has a relationship with those family members that you don't, so the dynamic would be unequal and therefore off kilter if you were there too.

Either way, give a little oxygen in the form of space for her to do things that aren't centered on whether you should be considered and can't be 'left out' without your feelings being all bashed up. You're not being excluded you just aren't joined at the bloody hip.

Thanks@Ginkypig i think you got it in one. Thanks all really helpful thread!

No problem hope I helped.