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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stupid family chat group

36 replies

whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 20:51

So partners family & family made a what's app chat with everyone in it apart from me

Partner seems not to have a problem with it

Shall I be fuming? Well I did 2 years ago when I found out & I am angry again

Plan is never to count myself as part of their family & I never did anyway but now I will not hide it say they are taking family picture, I will opt out

AIBU?

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 20:59

Why are you angry about it again now? Has something happened? Are all the other people blood related or married?

PonyPatter44 · 28/04/2024 21:01

You're not unreasonable to be annoyed about it, but what has happened to make it a problem again now, 2 years after the fact?

Original poster
whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:01

4 siblings & their partners except me

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 28/04/2024 21:07

Why have they done this - what is their reason for leaving you out?

Original poster
whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:07

Nothing happened, but I am just thinking because it came to mind

OP posts:
hottchocolatte · 28/04/2024 21:09

What is their reasoning for not adding you? I assume you have asked in the two years.

My DH and siblings have a group chat but none of the siblings partner are on so that's fine with me. If the other partners were on it I would want to know why I have been left out.

Scintella · 28/04/2024 21:09

So the other partners are all in it?

Shelinaa · 28/04/2024 21:10

This happened in our family. Someone accidentally added a vague acquaintance with the same name as my SIL, who then immediately left.

So DM was puzzled by ‘SIL’ leaving, and SIL was puzzled about being left out.

They solved it by talking to one another. Maybe try that?

IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 21:12

Can your partner not add you?

PrincessTeaSet · 28/04/2024 21:13

The issue is your partner, obviously. He could add you if he wanted to. Have you asked him to add you? Why doesn't he want to? If you haven't had a conversation about it I don't think you're justified in being annoyed.

financialcareerstuff · 28/04/2024 21:15

Have you ever actually told them you are not on? And asked them to add you? It is super easy to miss one off for These big groups, and/or if your settings are different you may have received an invitation they ignored. Or maybe you said something random once about not liking big group chats, or whatever.....

If this is the full story it's a huge overreaction to consider yourself not part of the family!?

peppermintsforall · 28/04/2024 21:15

I'm assuming there's some backstory about you being left out. Otherwise why haven't you just asked your partner to add you?

You're being pretty vague, it's hard to give an opinion.

chaticat · 28/04/2024 21:16

whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:01

4 siblings & their partners except me

Ouch. Yeah I'd wonder why DP hadn't added me. Are they all slagging you off?

Chirawehaha · 28/04/2024 21:18

whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:01

4 siblings & their partners except me

Why? What reason was given?

NotStayingIn · 28/04/2024 21:20

Oh I have sooooo many questions!! We need more details OP. Like what did your partner say when this first happened? And have you never raised it with the group or some people in the group? It’s a really shitty thing to do, do you really have no idea why they did it?

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 21:21

Is there history/backstory that points to any tension etc between you and them?

YANBU to be annoyed and upset but tbh family whatsapp groups are a right pain in the arse

NewName24 · 28/04/2024 21:23

There are 3 possible reasons.
1 is they haven't noticed (seems unlikely)
2 is they did notice but might just think you don't 'do' WhatsApp and don't want to be bothered by the notifications (there are lots of people who don't like these big groups)
3 is there is a back story you haven't told us about

But the real question is, if you found out about this 2 years ago, what did they say when you asked them about it ?

hourstokill · 28/04/2024 21:25

oh god i couldnt think of anything worse.. but then me and my siblings fell out and i had to block most of them as it was getting ridiculous.

theres groups for everything now... we have a 'girls chat' for me and my daughters, we have a 'my children chat' which includes partners for my side of the family, we have a 'his children chat' which includes partners for his side of the family. we have a baby chat for his son and their new baby, we have a baby chat for my daughter and her pregnancy.

we simply cannot have 1 chat because they all fight and bicker and carry on like flipping 6 year olds!

Original poster
whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:28

Back story is dp is got 3 sisters and they don't talk to me at all or call me at all

They have never been nice just pretend

Dp said it was an oversight that is a lie it was intentional

I trust me when I say I will not count myself as part of the family because I have never ever seen myself as part of the family due to the way they are towards me.

But from now on. I will not be hiding it, I am too old for that and I am sick and tired of all the nonsense

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 28/04/2024 21:28

Are partners of the siblings in the group. I have a family whats up but it's just my parents and sister not my dbil or dh.... In fact it be strange if they were ..not sure they want to hear the silly things like I'm on number 2 bus and I need some beans when you next in the supermarket

FLOWER1982 · 28/04/2024 21:33

If you don’t get on then why would you want to be added?
i doubt you’re missing anything. Most chat groups like that are nonsense.

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 21:37

whatwhat01 · 28/04/2024 21:28

Back story is dp is got 3 sisters and they don't talk to me at all or call me at all

They have never been nice just pretend

Dp said it was an oversight that is a lie it was intentional

I trust me when I say I will not count myself as part of the family because I have never ever seen myself as part of the family due to the way they are towards me.

But from now on. I will not be hiding it, I am too old for that and I am sick and tired of all the nonsense

Honestly you’re better off not being in a group with them.

Do you want to know the bullshit they are harping on about?

I have archived the in law family group I’m on, check it once a month or something, if anything is meant for me and I miss it I’m sure they’ll contact me

NewName24 · 28/04/2024 21:42

You've kind of answered your own question there.
If you don't speak, why would you expect to WhatsApp ? Confused

SnobblyBobbly · 28/04/2024 21:43

Oh you should be happy. Family chat groups (by that I mean husbands family chat groups) are brain numbing and it's only awkward when you want to leave thanks to the flipping WhatsApp announcement.

Leave them to it, skip into the sunset and enjoy your freedom x

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/04/2024 21:52

That is really insulting and hurtful. If your husband doesn't back you up on this then that tells you an awful lot about him.