Divorce Settlement

[DinosaurCity]

I am seeking legal advice but I was wondering if anyone could offer some knowledge if you’ve been through a similar situation.

My wife and I separated last year. She was the bread winner and could work from home as she is S.E so we decided I would take paternity leave and spent 11 months at home with our daughter. Only earning SSPL.

So I earn approx £20/ph working 34 hours per week and she can earn a minimum of £60 all the way up to £200/ph working 4 days.

She wants us to take a 50/50 split in the divorce application. But I believe this would be an unfair split.

We are going to co-parent our daughter 50% of the time each.

Does anyone know if she will be expected to contribute in anyway give what she earns in comparison to me, or have a general idea if going for more in the divorce is realistic and if so, what did people if you had a similar situation were you awarded/ and or agree with your spouse.

Thank you in advance for your help and advice.

As she is the higher earner then of course you will be entitled to a bigger share of things such as her pension and the proceeds from the sale of the family home. If she can earn 200 an hour the judge could have even let you stay in the family home until your child reached 18yrs

It was a mistake handing over 50pc care because now you will not get child maintenance or benefits such as child benefit etc

Why have you agreed to sell the house? Can you afford another?

I would have let a judge decide on this one!

Seems like your standard of living will drop dramatically

Something to think about (having been through the process) If you agree to the 50/50 split of assets you exw is proposing, there will be no legal fees. If you choose to fight it, whatever you may gain, may go on legal fees. It is unlikely you will get more than 55% in this scenario. It's takes a lot of evidence to move things from the 50% mark, usually illness or disability.

Unless you ex earns a high salary (100k plus) and you can demonstrate you’ve taken a long term hit to your income as a direct result of raising children for a long term you won’t get spoousal support.

if you do, it will be limited and short term time bound

split of assets will depend in what’s available / both of you housing yourselves and child ( doesn’t have to be mortgaged can be rented/both your incomes AND earning potentiAl

yiu may ( or not) get slightly higher equity but this is not guaranteed. What pension are there ?

She’ll be handing over 20% of that to HMRC for VAT.

I feel like you're getting a bashing here just because you're the male in this situation and not the female. I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say that I hope things work out well for you all. The most important person in this situation is your child, and ensuring that they're loved and cared for.

Put very simply, what matters is

Full and frank disclosure - Form E
Application of Section 25 Factors
Getting legal advice
Making an agreement where possible / The court's decision

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/divorce-and-separation

Do take care of yourself and put your energy into the process.

@Quitelikeit its highly unlikely a judge will sign a mesher if child is still very young.

they will much more likely seek a clean break, especiallly if op can’t pay mortgage and bills himself as this ties ex to the home impacting her ability to mortgage etc. its usually reserved as last resort or if children have one or two years left at school ( eg 16 yr olds)
)

I'm not sure how I'm appearing grabby and immature. I can only assume you have no professional or personal experience of this situation but rather than offer constructive advice you've decided to go me using personal attacks. It's nor useful to me at all and surely, your time replying it better suited to something else you could be doing.

I am buying a house that is in with budget. I couldn't afford to stay in the family home. It's too big to maintain on my wage alone.

It probably won't in some senses because even now I don't live a lavish lifestyle, but equally I've not worried about money for a while as we have been extremely lucky on what I earn and what my wife does. But the security will definitely be taken away.

You can now add patronising to the list.

Thank you. I'm not sure why. I genuinely don't mean to come across anything other than a concerned parent who is going through a divorce. I just wanted to see if anyone could share any personal experiences and what the outcome was.

' I will have to live off the equity from the house sale '

no, you don't.

it will be expected that you use your share of that equity to put a roof over your head.

and you are expected to put food on your plate from working.

I think he’s getting a bashing as he literally took 11 months paternity and seems to think because of that he’s owed more

most people would be saying the same if it was reversed

of course there’s a difference between the ops ex earning 300k vs 100k in terms of likely outcomes but op hasn’t really sacrificed a career / seems to just earn less

and why do you think you are getting 50% of the house ?

I have nowhere said that I have. I have just added context to the situation. I'm not saying I'm owed more, I'm asking if I am because yes with everything becoming more expensive I am worried about my outgoings and mine and my wife's earning are considerably different. I took 11 months leave and don't regret it. But during that time I did earn considerably less and used saving so I could continue to contribute to the house outgoing. I'm just asking for advice. I'm not sure what people are reacting in such a manner. None of this concerns their lives at all.

Because all divorces start at a 50/50 split.

yes, that's the word ' start '

start...

The replies are more direct when it's a man posting as it always goes the same way. They ask for advice and opinions but if they don't get told what they want to hear they start telling people to leave.

OP: there's two ways to settle this. You can agree at mediation or go to court. My legal fees were crazy even just doing mediation and getting the judge to sign off. In the end I didn't fare as well as I wanted but conceded big time as I really wanted to stay in the family home. Court is expensive and time consuming plus can go either way depending on the judge you get.

Realistically, life as a single parent is very hard financially if you're not a high earner. You don't have a sense of security because it's just you. I mean you can try for more then 50% but even then you'll have ongoing expenses to factor in. All you can do is try to earn as much as you possibly can while raising your child.

@DinosaurCity You wanted to more than that.

Your thread asks three questions:

1. Does anyone know if she will be expected to contribute in anyway given what she earns in comparison to me?
2. Or have a general idea if going for more in the divorce is realistic?
3. What if you had a similar situation were you awarded/ and or agree with your spouse?

Question 1 is asking for facts.
Question 2 is asking for opinions.
Question 3 is asking for personal information.

If you ask 3 types of questions - facts, opinions and personal information - you will get three types of answers.

You appear to tolerate well answers to questions 1 and 3.
Answers to question 2 less so.

That's understandable - Opinions are tricky to navigate especially when the subject matter is emotive and linked to lived experience (for both the givers and receiver of the opinions).

The answer to question 1 is the one that really matters - and the answer is what does the law say?
Form E, full and frank disclosure, Apply Section 25 Factors.
The earning capacity of both partners is considered and

"any increase in that capacity which it would in the opinion of the court be reasonable to expect a party to the marriage to take steps to acquire".

That includes you and your partner.

Take care of yourself and put your energy into the process.

I was the main breadwinner when we split.
All assets (apart from a small inheritance of mine which was ring fenced) were split 50/50.
I bought ex out of the marital home so he had a large lump sum.
I do get child maintenance from him as he no longer sees our younger son (older one is an adult).
At no point was my much higher income discussed. He was advised to get a better job because I was no longer supporting him.

I think you had best prepare yourself OP. This settlement is very unlikely to go the way you want it to.

My marriage was twice as long as yours and I gave up my career entirely to be a carer for dc with additional needs so dire future prospects.

The judge didn't care about my future earnings or disparity in income even though I had the children 24/7 as he had chosen no contact. It made no difference. No spousal or share of pension. I got the house as I had ring fenced my deposit. I did well to get that.

I don't think your assertion of sacrifice/unequal earnings will be entertained. Furthermore, if you challenge it and it becomes contentious in protracted legal proceedings you are easily looking at £10-15k legal costs.

It's the reality of getting divorced I'm afraid. You will need to get used to managing on your own salary going forward.

as @silentpool says

and

I think you will be expected to work more than 34 hours a week to provide for yourself, and your child.

Why are you only working 34 hours ?

by working 40 hours you would get an additional £120 a week, which is £6240 per year !!!

and even if you had 6 weeks annual leave a year and didn't have that extra 6 hours pay as a result, it would be £5520 a year.
( before tax and ni of course )