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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents: when do you make time to exercise or do things for you?

54 replies

boymama88 · 28/04/2024 20:27

My DH is complaining that he needs time to himself to decompress and he’s considering taking up some sort of exercise. The problem is, he wants to do it on a Sunday morning which means I’m left to do solo childcare after doing solo childcare two full days per week already, plus I’m the default parent so even when he is around, I do the lion share of childcare. I don’t get any regular time to myself to decompress either. I might go out with friends once a month and he’ll do childcare then (which often involves gaming whilst they’re in bed…) but that’s once a month, not a weekly thing. AIBU to be annoyed that it wouldn’t be fair? The weekend is normally our time to spend time as a family. I know he’s only talking a couple of hours on a weekly basis but around my toddlers naps, that means the morning is pretty much void of doing something together. I want to support him to do what makes him happy but I can’t help but feel like I’m being lumped with a crap end of a deal.

Those with kids, when do you do things like exercise or hobbies? Any tips of how to fit it in without compromising family time?

OP posts:
LeedsZebra90 · 28/04/2024 20:38

My dh goes to the gym, I swim and run. We are both shit humans without it! We both work part time so have a bit more flexibility but I tend to go either early in the morning or after they're in bed. So 6am or 8pm. Cannot be bothered at either time but I need it so that's the motivation for me. Sometimes I run on my lunch break if I can make it work. My dh goes to the gym usually when the kids are at a club or are out and about with me. he does sometimes go Saturday morning but it doesn't really impact the day or family stuff.

mitogoshi · 28/04/2024 20:38

Sitting here chuckling, what's time for yourself???

It gets better as they get older though. Reality is you could agree to have an hour each bit will eat into family time

coodawoodashooda · 28/04/2024 20:41

If part of the discussion is him suggesting you get the same for you then I guess it's fair.

SkyBloo · 28/04/2024 20:43

We do things at 6am before they are up or after they are in bed, but also now they are older they've got a sports class on weekend morning that's drop and go, and we exercise then.

DGPP · 28/04/2024 20:43

Fine if he goes 7-9am, and you also get 2 hours, say Sunday evening while he baths the kids and puts them to bed?

MidnightPatrol · 28/04/2024 20:43

WFH days I go to the gym at lunch. This is my real ‘me’ time in the week.

What’s the exercise he wants to do, and why must it be on a Sunday morning?

Whataweirdsituation · 28/04/2024 20:45

Gym: during my lunch break (and scoff a bowl of yoghurt when back at my desk)

Shopping: all online, from my phone, on the commute.

Crap on TV: the second DS falls asleep 😂

that’s it for me ATM! 🫠

Chatonette · 28/04/2024 20:45

I subscribe to a fitness app and do in-home workouts Mon pm, Fri pm, Sat am, and Sun am.

SkyBloo · 28/04/2024 20:46

Tbh as well i try to involve the kids in hobbies. For me that means - playing my instrument with DS, for DH it means playing board games with the kids....Yeah it means we don't get the quality of hobby time i once got but parenting is a long game, it pays off when you have a teenager who will give you a game of tennis or come to a concert with you :)

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 20:48

Why not exercise as a family? Play badminton and go swimming?

SpringBunnies · 28/04/2024 20:48

How old are your children? I find it gets worse when they are older. I am spending so much time driving them to sports and music. DH does it too because often we are driving to different places. I just slot my time around their schedule. Practice times for sports and orchestras are quite fixed, but if it clashed wit sometime I wanted theirs take precedence.

TisButThyName · 28/04/2024 20:49

How old are the kids?

YABU to deny him a couple of hours to himself on a Sunday. You should do the same and find yourself an evening class or exercise class you want to go to. It's important to not neglect yourself once you have kids.

I take our 3 kids to kick boxing then out in town on Saturday mornings so DH can go out on his motorbike or have some time to himself. I go to the gym twice a week and kickbox one evening with only the oldest child (age 13).

SpringBunnies · 28/04/2024 20:50

But I fit in exercise in the evenings, cycling during lunch breaks. I also do craft and plays the piano. There is definitely time but just very flexible hobbies.

PrincessTeaSet · 28/04/2024 20:50

I think it's important that you both get time and both get exercise. I would prioritise that over 2 whole days of family time to be honest. You need to start not being the default parent and taking an hour here and there to do your thing. Whether that means going out at 4 pm at letting him cook and mind children for a couple of hours, or a bit later and he does bedtime, or in the morning while he gives them breakfast and gets them dressed. I can do an hour run in the morning and it doesn't affect the rest of the day at all as it takes most of that to gets the kids fed and dressed anyway. Plan ahead when you will take your time out so you don't waste opportunities. I wouldn't stand in the way of my partner's hobbies - I think it's really unsupportive.

Scottishskifun · 28/04/2024 20:50

DH goes in the evenings once kids are in bed or lunchtimes during the week.

I do yoga at lunchtime and do a evening a month at a craft group.

We try to avoid weekend things solo (we do it occasionally) as it's the time we get together

PrincessTeaSet · 28/04/2024 20:51

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 20:48

Why not exercise as a family? Play badminton and go swimming?

Swimming and badminton with pre school kids is definitely not exercise for adults!

Momstermunch · 28/04/2024 20:51

When they were little we'd take it turns to go in the evening when we were back from work and nip out for an hour each on the weekend. As they got older and we were taking them to activities I'd often build it in then - I ended up joining a triathlon club when one of mine joined and doing the grown up sessions that were on at the same time. We will also go for a run while they do their activities.

It's much easier now they're teens and can be left of course.

Meadowfinch · 28/04/2024 20:52

YANBU Everyone needs a little headspace.

I run parkrun on a Saturday morning, now that DS is old enough to be left for an hour.

When DS was smaller, I'd go running over lunchtime, Tuesdays and Thursdays, having persuaded my boss to install a shower at the office. As a single mum, I had no other opportunity, but it worked.

mynameiscalypso · 28/04/2024 20:53

For DH, and me to some extent, exercise is a really important part of mental wellbeing. We both take time out at the weekends to go and exercise (although sometimes I'm 'doing yoga' by eating biscuits in bed)

SpringBunnies · 28/04/2024 20:53

Momstermunch · 28/04/2024 20:51

When they were little we'd take it turns to go in the evening when we were back from work and nip out for an hour each on the weekend. As they got older and we were taking them to activities I'd often build it in then - I ended up joining a triathlon club when one of mine joined and doing the grown up sessions that were on at the same time. We will also go for a run while they do their activities.

It's much easier now they're teens and can be left of course.

Yes I do that do. Mine started ice skating so I took lessons as well. I am already stuck there so might as well exercise at the same time.

Businessflake · 28/04/2024 20:53

We make time on the weekends for both OH and I to exercise, and also allow each other early starts during the week for exercise if work commitments permit.

Businessflake · 28/04/2024 20:54

So tomorrow I will leave the house at 6.45am so I can go to a Pilates class before work. OH will get the kids up and sort breakfast, etc.

TillyTrifle · 28/04/2024 20:55

We take it in turns to put the kids to bed so we each have every other evening to do as we please. Which usually means a swim, gym or run while the other one sorts the kids, then collapse on the sofa together from about 8pm. Works for us and we’ve done it this way since the kids were about 4 and 2. If you have two equal and competent parents (plus no extreme circumstances like obviously kids with disabilities etc which of course changes everything) then there is generally no reason why it’s not possible to have hobbies and me time.

Sounds like your problem is your husband not pulling his weight as an equal parent.

Zampa · 28/04/2024 20:55

I get up at 0540 to go to the gym 😭. It's ok now it's light but it's miserable in the winter. Home at 0730 to wake anyone still asleep, in time to get ready for school.

DH exercises once the children are in bed or if he wants a longer bike ride, goes out early on a Sunday.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2024 20:56

I am continually amazed but the number of posters who insist on spending all the time together, especially at weekends, otherwise it’s eating in to “family time”

my husband I have a rule that we each have at least one night off from parenting, that might be a gym class, cinema, drinks after work or just not doing bedtime or whatever. But it makes us feel human and not just like we work and then parent. At weekends we take it in turn for a lie in then also have a few hours off each - one might take them to soft play while the other has some down time in the house, or one might go to the gym then.

we view exercise as non-negotiable because of the physical and mental health benefits. I want my children to grow up seeing that. A 30 min run or HIIT as a minimum is so easy to fit in there is no excuse