Daughter asked at school about bruises

[cowonthecommon]

First off, hats off to my DD's school and her teachers, because they are doing exactly as they should be doing.

DD9 has bruises all over her legs at the moment. Now the weather's better, she's on her bike a lot, climbs trees and generally hurls herself around.

She was taken out of class last week and asked about the bruises (she told me this, when I picked her up). She told her teacher she's 'always doing stunts on her bike and climbing trees', and her teacher said 'OK'.

Again, the school have absolutely done their job. No complaints here.

But AIBU to feel mortified and paranoid?

Has this happened to anyone else?

Don’t feel mortified. Feel proud that she’s getting to play independently and test her limits.

Honestly don’t worry about it, like you said school have done the right thing checking in but that will be the last of it. They will have logged the conversation on their child protection system and it will join the many other similar for other children.

No need for mortified and paranoid, enjoy the fact that she is full of energy and that the school are doing their job.

Why mortified?
They asked, she answered. Apparently completely satisfactorily.
Just forget it.

This.

My late husband fell out of bed in the stroke ward. When he was admitted to the stroke rehab ward, they asked me why he was black and blue down one side. I was a bit pissed off at the time, but they were doing their job.

YANBU but don't worry about it. There would need to be other concerns on top of just bruises for them to take any action.

Thanks all x

Why not get her protective gear for the cycle stunts at least? I would also consider having her checked by a Dr to see if she’s anaemic etc.

I've had to ask the question - andit turned out to not be caused by playing out in the good weather and caused a massive snowball of events ...

My mum also preempted the question when I went into infants with two black eyes, particularly as I was telling everyone my dad had hit me ....he did with a frisbee between the eyes that I failed to catch as my spatial awareness has always bee shocking but I was missing that bit out.

Bruises on the legs shouldn't really raise suspicion though, head, face, neck bruises and on other parts that don't stick out are more of a warning sign

You're right to be pleased that school asked. Don't feel embarrassed at all.

Also don't be surprised if you're daughter is asked again of she keeps getting bruises. Consistency (and inconsistency) in the reasons given for bruises can be really important identifiers for abuse.

Eg. A student I work with has had 5 black eyes this year all due to "walking into a door". Like hell they are. In this case multiple reasons would be less concerning than the same reason repeated. In your dd's case the same reason would be more reassuring for professionals working with her.

On my safeguarding training, I was taught that bruises on legs are totally normal
with kids. It’s more torso/head/neck/upper arm bruises that are suspect. She gave a reasonable answer, so you have no need to worry.

Don't be mortified. Don't waste any energy on that.
Just use a tiny fraction of it to keep an eye on those bruises OP - child leukemia can cause kids to easily bruise.

Just think OP that one day, those same questions might save another child.

What's embarrassing about having an outdoor stunt loving child?

Wholeheartedly agree.

Abusers don't hurt DC on their knees and legs they go for body parts that can't be seen. Teachers know this.

Really? All 3 of mine are always covered in bruises from bike riding, roller skating, climbing trees, trampolining, gymnastics stunts… it’s normal. You can’t put them in full body armour. I remember being the same as a kid too.

They weren't accusing you of anything: they're just following procedure. I'm sure they already have you pegged as a good parent, but have to check these things out regardless.

As you said: this is a good thing!

It was a well-intentioned suggestion, but if I made my daughter put full protection wear on every time she wanted to ride her bike, she'd probably not want to ride it anymore.

Just to add information here, there are lots of simplistic views about why kids have bruises and whether there are sinister reasons for them, and lots of those simplistic views are on this thread

If a child is regularly bruised there might be a number of worrying things going on

Child might be being outright physically abused, being hit, kicked, pushed, slammed into things. Those bruises could be anywhere, including on sticky out bits like knees and elblows

Child might be being physically chastised to a degree that constitutes assault, so being hit with a closed hand, instrument, across the face, leaving a mark etc. Those bruises could also be anywhere

Child might be neglected and therefore unsupervised, therefore having lots of accidents around the home, or being out and about for long unmonitored times or not being provided with safety equipment for hobbies or activities, more likely to have bruises on sticky out bits of body in that case

Child might have a medical condition which isnt being treated, which is neglectful which is causing bruising

So lots of different types of scenarios, lots of different types of bruising on different bits of the body, all need checking out, by asking. Nothing is for certain.

Protective gear for a few leg bruises? What on earth for. Lots of bruises can indicate a health condition but if they're due to bike pedals and only on the legs it won't be that.
My daughter is the same, her legs are a right mess after a weekend of biking scooting and climbing.
It's a sad sign that most kids probably spent the weekend in front of a screen or going round the shops rather than being active and healthy

The teacher will be pleased that your child is having lots of outdoor exercise and you'll have won 'Brownie Points' as a parent!

My legs are a right mess after riding my bike too, I dont know how I keep banging my legs and feet on it all the time!

That's... quite the jump.

It's very normal for active kids to get lots of bruises on their legs.

Every summer I’d have huge bruises across the centre of my shins. They were caused entirely by lifting myself up by my hands and getting my knees over the edge of the school swimming pool - we weren’t allowed to use the steps to get out