Daughter asked at school about bruises

[cowonthecommon]

First off, hats off to my DD's school and her teachers, because they are doing exactly as they should be doing.

DD9 has bruises all over her legs at the moment. Now the weather's better, she's on her bike a lot, climbs trees and generally hurls herself around.

She was taken out of class last week and asked about the bruises (she told me this, when I picked her up). She told her teacher she's 'always doing stunts on her bike and climbing trees', and her teacher said 'OK'.

Again, the school have absolutely done their job. No complaints here.

But AIBU to feel mortified and paranoid?

Has this happened to anyone else?

I did have this happen when my dd was in reception- we had just got an indoor climbing frame and she was jumping on and off and hanging upside down etc etc and had lots of little bruises all over legs and arms, teacher asked discreetly and I went bright red and explained and said I realised why she asked as I do safeguarding in my job too. Was a bit embarrassed but that’s more to do with a loathing of being singled out!

I was an incredibly active child and permanently had bruises from falling out of trees, climbing places I shouldn't and generally getting up to mischief.

Mortified my mum.

My kids always had bruises on their shins and knees. The Doctor said if active kids never had one he'd be more worried, normal active kids who get to play outside get bruised shins and knees.
Elsewhere is not as normal and could be questionable, but not always.

Just think of the child who will be protected and saved from abuse by the school being so vigilant.

"Bruises on the legs shouldn't really raise suspicion though, head, face, neck bruises and on other parts that don't stick out are more of a warning sign" @Singleandproud

Yes, my DS aged between about 4 and 8 years had spectacular bruises on his legs, he was v v active. I was told by the GP, that bruises there and in the absence of any other red flags, are not too much of a safeguarding concern...but I was also worried about any other underlying pathology.
We called him Mr Bruisey Legs.
But this was 15-20 years ago, so I wasn't sure if that still stood.
He's a very fit and healthy 24 year old now.
Full Marks to the school though

My ds went through a stage where it seemed like every weekend he would bang his head or face in some ridiculous way. Every Monday his teacher would ask him what he'd done. I step back and allow him to answer, making sure I wasn't over the top of him so they didn't think I was trying to make him answer a specific way.

Some of the stories, banged his chin on an air hockey table and needed stitches, rang into a round door handle forehead first, fell down the stairs - I was really worried she would think the worst.

I asked for a meeting to discuss what I should do - she said - nothing! He was just a child who always travelled at a hundred miles an hour with reckless abandon. He now has an adhd diagnosis and is slightly better with medication.

I understand how you feel, but don't worry. Feel relief that school are on it and the teacher handled the situation professionally and with care - if something was there to worry about your dd would now be getting help.

It's literally the schools job.

I'm a school teacher, and have asked kids similar things. And in all the nearly 20 years I've been asking that question, I've never once had an answer that concerned me. They are always "I fell over", "I hit my leg on the coffee table" etc etc.

I was taught that you should always ask about the bruises, even if you were pretty certain there was nothing to worry about (in the groups I worked with, I sometimes already knew about the cause because it had been mentioned on Facebook!), so that everyone knew that it was the norm that you would ask. In groups where parents are present, it hopefully avoids them feeling "mortified and paranoid".

There are many different types of abuser and many different types of abuse. Plenty of abused children do have visible bruises on a regular basis. In all the high-profile cases of abused children being murdered by their parents that I can think of, other people had noticed that the children had bruised limbs and bumped heads.

My mum worked in childcare for decades and she and her boss once contacted social services about a three-year-old who frequently had bruises on her arms and ankles. Her mother apparently wasn't hitting her, but she was routinely grabbing her very hard and yanking her around by the arms and legs.

Also, parents hitting their children aren't the only way a child can be at risk - some kids are in situations where they're being attacked by an aggressive/disturbed sibling, for example.

OP, you definitely shouldn't feel mortified or paranoid! Your daughter's teacher knows she's lively and fearless, nothing more.

When I was a little girl I almost always had bruises, grazes and scratches - not only did I like playing football, riding a bike and climbing trees, but I'm also dyspraxic, so I was very clumsy! Quite the combination.

I also have a very high pain threshold and would sometimes be injured quite badly without people really realising, because I didn't really react much to physical pain. I had numerous visits to A&E. In the year I left primary school, we all got given an autograph book type thing to collect messages from friends and teachers, and two or three of the messages from teachers in mine include jokes about how accident-prone I was.

Don't worry, they are doing their job properly and I'm sure they will know she's adventurous from how she is in school. You could raise it at drop off next time, so they know you're aware of any bumps/bruises and how they got there.
My two sons are the same, very adventurous, climb and jump off anything, on their bikes a lot and usually one of them has bruises or scrapes on their body at any given time. My youngest fell off his bike into a bush twice at the weekend, he's got a few bruises and cuts on his hands. I will tell the school at drop off if they have any bumps or big bruises and let my children explain to the teacher how it happened.
I was also like your daughter when I was younger and my mum was called into the school a few times to discuss, I bruise like a peach too which doesn't help.
Carry on!

It seems OTT to feel mortified by it. They were right to ask, your child answered, that’s the end of it.

My child told a member of staff that she never has breakfast when she was about 7. She was asked further questions about what she eats and the school contacted me to check everything was ok at home. It was. My child just didn’t like eating breakfast and we were offering her a variety of foods every morning before school.

It’s good they checked for the reasons mentioned. Usually I thought they were more on the look out for bruises or marks in more unusual areas like stomach, thighs, upper arms, back etc. Absolutely don’t be mortified or paranoid. It’s not personal.

i wonder if someone had picked up all my bruising in school, I’d have got diagnosed with the condition I have. I had no idea how I’d got most of them and they could be literally anywhere .

Don't be mortified
It happened to me as an adult, my legs looked like this and I forgot and went for a smear test
She was horrified

I caused concern at school in the mid 80s when I told someone I was crying because I was going to my Dad's after school that day. I was actually crying because I had been demoted from the second row to the back row in a dance we were doing for a school thing, and the teacher asking was the one who had sent me back (all done nicely, but I was 7). I was quite evasive so she must have misconstrued things and someone called my mother... all fine in the end (and I was still bad at dancing).

Why do you feel mortified and paranoid?

Mortified - you know what's caused the bruises and haven't done anything wrong so that doesn't make any sense.

Paranoid - why? You've done nothing wrong.

You say the school have done their job so none of your OP makes any sense.

I was actually called into the school for this reason, asked to confirm DC story..... I was livid, although the teacher did handle it poorly someone else probably would have been more diplomatic.

I find this sort of response naive.

Children will be helped when there is adequate funding to ensure social services can follow up on real issues.

Teachers asking kids where they got ordinary bruises on shins will have no impact on anything.

OP: I get it.

I once took toddler DD to A&E after a head injury which ended up in two black eyes. There were other, red flag, bruises which the A&E docs were concerned about and we ended up on the children's ward being assessed. Luckily (!) DD was a frequent flyer on the ward and the consultants knew her, her developmental delay and her incredibly poor balance quite well and absolutely accepted my explanation of how her bruises had happened. They still had to do all the paperwork though, and that visit is, of course, in her notes permanently now.

They couldn't have been nicer to me (obviously it helped I knew them, and they me), and at no point did I seriously think they would conclude there was abuse. I also felt really glad that the system was in place, and that they asked all the questions even though they knew us - no assumptions were made.

But there was still a really weird feeling about it all that I was being accused of beating my lovely DD.

(Fast forward twelve years, she's now on daily aspirin following a cardiac procedure and came back from an activity weekend with school last week looking like she's been beaten with sticks. One bruise covers her whole thigh, I've never seen anything like it and to be quite honest I'm glad it's not shorts weather)

That's bloody ridiculous...isn't that what a swimming pool ladder is for?!

And it's not like there want one there!

It is dangerous not to be able to get out without a ladder, I think this is why they make kids learn to get themselves out.

If you fall into the canal or whatever there will be no ladder.

The bruised legs in our house are known as "summer legs" because they always appear with the better weather and children being out to play!

I's like to think it was because of that, but knowing the school it was more likely simply to save time - 30 kids queuing for steps vs 30 kids popping up over the edge.

Having spent some time canoeing on the canal, you'd struggle to get yourself out just by your arms - the difference between water level and towpath level is too great.

I once asked a child about a black eye. He was evasive at first but then said he got it playing football in the park with his dad. His mum later said the same but the bruise didn't go away and it turned out he had a rare form of cancer and was off school for about two years. I don't know how he is now. So, there can be different reasons for bruising. I don't think my asking made any difference on that occasion but, with parents who were less on the ball, it could have prompted them to get it checked out.

I'm not sure I knew knees could be pink as a child. Mine were permanently covered in various bruises in differing stages of healing plus a few scabs.

My brother (almost certainly has ADHD) who learnt to run a good year before he walked had so many A&E visits that my young looking mum was taken into a quiet room to be quizzed about her husband, whether he was the child's father, did he have a temper....

She was too scared to take him to hospital next time and basically superglued him back together.

But no one picked up on my best friend whose dad snapped her arm over his knee because she was out past curfew. Even when she was a teenage alcoholic junkie. No one ever looked at her dad.