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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have found my first mammogram really upsetting?

711 replies

YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:11

Got a letter through with very basic details if an appointment. Turned up and found the whole thing demeaning. Tiny room, intimidating machine taking up most of it. The radiologist was monosyllabic and bossy and manhandled me into the right position including grabbing each breast and shoving it into position, pushing other bits of my body out of the way, not once asking first. I know it's a necessary procedure, but a bit of sensitivity would have gone a long way, and having the respect to ask for consent before grabbing a breast is a basic consideration. I'm autistic and needed to know much more what to expect beforehand. The letter gave a way to request assistance in the case of SEN, but I don't consider myself to have SEN and didn't know what I'd need until I was right there, so that wasn't any help. There was a QR code for feedback, which I gave but I just feel... invaded and demeaned. AIBU?

OP posts:
Eurghkids · 28/04/2024 07:13

never once, have I not been asked or forwarned before being touched in an appointment like that. You are not wrong, and you would not be wrong to complain. I’m so sorry you were treated so robotically OP. X

aerkfjherf · 28/04/2024 07:14

you are so fortunate to be in a country where this service is offered, just be grateful it has been done. It isn't fun in any circumstances, but it is a real privilege to get it

LittleBooThang · 28/04/2024 07:14

If you needed to know more of what to expect you could have rang them up and asked them, or at the very least googled and done your own research.

Bronfenbrenner · 28/04/2024 07:16

Although mammograms are uncomfortable and quite strange, I've always been treated kindly. Very kindly in fact. If you can, do make a complaint. Then find a way to move on. Try not to ruminate.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/04/2024 07:17

Consent should have been requested and they should not have just man handled you.

Mercurial123 · 28/04/2024 07:18

YABVU. If you are anxious about a medical appointment, you need to find out everything you can before the appointment. I've never been asked for consent. It's a given that's what you're there for. Manage ways to cope with your anxiety.

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:19

It sounds like the service wasn't great in terms of communication but there is so much information freely available about what it involves. I think it might be a good habit to check things like this out on line first or ring ahead if you know your ASD means it's hard to always take things in your stride. I think it's well known it can be pretty unpleasant, potentially uncomfortable and very upclose and personal.

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:19

Surely you knew why you were there? I think, and I mean this gently, please ask for assistance next time ahead. You need to use your words. Good luck.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 28/04/2024 07:20

I'm sorry you had that experience. I've always in the past had very respectful and kind women doing my mammograms. Until the last one, who was as you describe, cold, unfriendly, lots of 'orders' ('move' 'lift' 'get dressed'). Very unpleasant. Actually I wish I had complained, it's a pretty intimate thing, a decent 'bedside' manner is not a lot to ask. Might go private next time.

Petrine · 28/04/2024 07:21

The Radiographer has to position the breast to get clear images. Surely you know that a breast scan is going to involve manipulation of your breasts?

Bearintheredhat · 28/04/2024 07:21

As someone who lost both breasts last year to breast cancer I can say that those machines were designed by a man.
no women would invent such a machine.

The take away from this OP is that if you want to be treated as if you have SEN you need to tell them you have SEN.

Ineffable23 · 28/04/2024 07:22

That sounds very unpleasant and I agree you should send some feedback. Maybe you could also take someone with you another time? I had a very bad experience with a smear test, and if I ever go again (I doubt I will) then I would be taking someone with me.

Edited for grammar.

daisychain01 · 28/04/2024 07:23

I wonder if what you described was your perception rather than what happened. Perhaps your distress took over? I have not reason to disbelieve you but I have never ever known anyone in the NHS doing breast screening to be anything other than courteous informative and almost apologetic at the discomfort. The fact they are always women doing the screening does give them a sense of empathy.

lets hope your feedback gives them the opportunity to investigate with the specific technician who did your screening as I expect it's extremely rare and they'll be able to clarify the situation.

next time do be very clear with them that you have a ND condition so they bear that in mind and give you extra information and reassurance.

BonzoGates · 28/04/2024 07:23

"I'm autistic and needed to know much more what to expect beforehand. The letter gave a way to request assistance in the case of SEN, but I don't consider myself to have SEN and didn't know what I'd need until I was right there, so that wasn't any help."

I think you are being unreasonable - if you need more information before hand as a rule you should have contacted the hospital.

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:23

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:19

Surely you knew why you were there? I think, and I mean this gently, please ask for assistance next time ahead. You need to use your words. Good luck.

When people say 'use your words' are you meaning to be rude and talking to people like they are 3. It's become a trend on here. Better to say say 'just ask' or 'talk to someone'.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:23

LittleBooThang · 28/04/2024 07:14

If you needed to know more of what to expect you could have rang them up and asked them, or at the very least googled and done your own research.

I wasn't anxious, that's the point - nothing in the letter suggested it would be how it was so there was no reason to ring up and request support. I'm not generally an anxious person at all, I take things in my stride and have a ton of resilience.

OP posts:
Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:24

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:23

When people say 'use your words' are you meaning to be rude and talking to people like they are 3. It's become a trend on here. Better to say say 'just ask' or 'talk to someone'.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous, honestly. You can’t decide in your own head what is better, for me, it is all the same, good lord.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:25

Bearintheredhat · 28/04/2024 07:21

As someone who lost both breasts last year to breast cancer I can say that those machines were designed by a man.
no women would invent such a machine.

The take away from this OP is that if you want to be treated as if you have SEN you need to tell them you have SEN.

I'm sorry for your experience. I think I'm asking to be treated with dignity and that's not what happened. That's my issue.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 28/04/2024 07:27

Its not a pleasant procedure but I have always felt the nurses positioned me with courtesy and kindness. I am sorry your nurse seemed harsh and unfeeling but other than feeding this back, the procedure is done. It's quick and not often so hopefully next time you know the routine and will have a nicer nurse.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 28/04/2024 07:27

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:19

Surely you knew why you were there? I think, and I mean this gently, please ask for assistance next time ahead. You need to use your words. Good luck.

This is an awful, condescending response.

OP I think this was an occasion when you should have sought help. Mammograms are horrible and uncomfortable, verging on the painful. The staff I have encountered have all been lovely and very considerate and you shouldn't have had such a bad experience.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/04/2024 07:28

I'm totally with you OP. They should have been more sensitive and more understanding and yes asked for consent. I think from now on just book the SEN support just in case.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:28

Mercurial123 · 28/04/2024 07:18

YABVU. If you are anxious about a medical appointment, you need to find out everything you can before the appointment. I've never been asked for consent. It's a given that's what you're there for. Manage ways to cope with your anxiety.

I'm not at all anxious, and walked into it confidently. I have turned up to hospital to have minor operations alone and driven home afterwards. But the letter gave me no idea of what to expect, so I had no idea I would find it so hard. __

OP posts:
Glazedchristmasham · 28/04/2024 07:29

I've had ones like that and it's just horrible, especially if you're on the well endowed side. Please don't be put off from having them in the future Op, they're not all like that. I just have to grin & bear it and remember that it's important to check and get early detection.

Agree that those bloody machines are clearly designed by a man, a sadistic bugger at that! One time I had a scan and they'd put up a cartoon of what the machine would do to a man if god was a woman! The humour helped with the situation 😂

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:30

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:19

It sounds like the service wasn't great in terms of communication but there is so much information freely available about what it involves. I think it might be a good habit to check things like this out on line first or ring ahead if you know your ASD means it's hard to always take things in your stride. I think it's well known it can be pretty unpleasant, potentially uncomfortable and very upclose and personal.

It wasn't well known by me and I'm not uninformed about most things. It was the brusque, impersonal, insensitive manner of the radiographer that was the issue, and research would not have revealed that.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 28/04/2024 07:30

Bearintheredhat · 28/04/2024 07:21

As someone who lost both breasts last year to breast cancer I can say that those machines were designed by a man.
no women would invent such a machine.

The take away from this OP is that if you want to be treated as if you have SEN you need to tell them you have SEN.

What a ludicrous thing to say, borne out of misandry. Yes, let's vilify those amazing researchers who have saved millions of lives. I for one am fine with the momentary discomfort, for the huge benefits that mammograms bring. I don't stand there seething that a man made me suffer, ffs.

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