MIL, pregnancy and wanting NC

[wishuponastarrr1]

So, this is a long one so will try to summarise as best as I can

• I have been with my husband for 10+ years and I was very close to my future MIL, we had what both DH & I thought was a lovely bond.
• We became engaged after 7 years and married shortly after. From the day after we announced said engagement, she completely changed.
• Lots of negative things were said to me including about any future family we would have such as "I don't want children running around my house" and "well you can bugger off with your baby" baring in mind my SIL had just become pregnant and she was thrilled.
• My DH & I wanted to get married alone, I thought her behaviour was due to feeling put out so I arranged a small wedding- wasn't good enough and no real interest/effort put into it at all despite encouragement.
• This led to massive arguments before our wedding and caused my DH such incredible stress that afterwards he ended up having a breakdown (ruined our honeymoon)
• I became deeply depressed by the situation (this is just the very outline) and tried to end my life. There were lots of other factors that has caused me stress in the previous year and coming off hormonal BC also did not help.
• I then went NC with them from hospital. They then went NC with my husband but then tried to take that back. Not once did they ask DH how he was considering he nearly lost his DW.
• I got better, our marriage was stronger than ever and NC was great for me.
• I then became pregnant and of course, my DH hoped this would be something that may mend the relationship with his parents etc
• Neither MIL or FIL ever asked how I or the baby were doing.
• I felt as though I owe my DC the opportunity to have a relationship with their GP. I personally had amazing relationships with all of mine and I wanted to give them that chance.
• We arranged to meet but then I found out that whilst I was heavily pregnant she had decided to visit SIL 8k miles away and also to bring back SIL whilst I could well give birth. SIL bringing DN who is a baby himself. But not wanting to make effort to meet with us considering I can't be far from the hospital at that point in my pregnancy.
• I cancelled the meeting with MIL and she sent gifts upon gifts upon gifts for the baby which for some reason made me sad & angry but I could also see how she had picked things she KNEW I would love.
• I also invited her to my baby shower as an olive branch, didn't attend but can travel 8k miles for SIL.
• I have not had the easiest of childhoods or relationships with my own mother. I acknowledge this can play a part in my feelings.
• I always imagined she would be an amazing Grandma and support to me too. I would go as far as to say 3 years ago I would have had her in the delivery room.
• Other issue is FIL has disowned DH because he upset MIL by telling her to truth and protecting me. So I have no idea how we navigate any relationship even if I found the strength to try
• I just want to enjoy the family I make with my DH. I never ever thought I'd be lucky to live the life I do now.
• I don't want them ruining the birth of my 1st child, like they did my wedding.
• I also would like to reconcile for the sake of the baby.
• There are lots and lots of things that have been said and done on their part that would be far too outing to post. But it's been bad.

Should I remain LC/NC or try?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
If you haven't addresses directly with your in-laws, you could always do so. I don't think I would accept any explanation, but at least this way they can 'explain' any side you haven't considered or don't know (but highly doubt it)

But honestly I think the best thing to do, at least for now, is to prepare yourself for your little ones arrival and enjoy the first few months of parenthood with your husband. It is a big life change and you need as much calm in your life as possible.

Enjoying the family you have created is the most important thing, and you and your husband need to be there fully supporting each other as much as possible.
What are your husbands thoughts on no contact?
If they can treat their own sons like this, then there is no telling how they can treat their grandchild. It might hurt to not have contact for you, considering how close you seemed to have become to mother in law, but protecting your child might just mean no contact is best, and if your husband feels this too, then as difficult as it feels, go wit this.

You may find after the birth of your child, the in-laws attitudes change and they come to you. But if this happens, I would make sure you voice your feelings regarding their attitudes and let them know you won't stand for this type of behaviour again.

I wish you all the best on your journey to motherhood xx

Having been through my fair share of family drama heavily pregnant and with a newborn - do everything you can to protect yourself and hunker down. If the situation is impacting both yours and your husbands mental health, have a chat between you and think about where you need to draw the lines now, around birth and after birth. The most important thing - and people forget this - is your recovery and you and DH surviving those early days with a newborn.

You dont owe anybody a relationship with your child. What you need for birth and recovery, and what your child needs, is to feel safe and supported. It isnt the time for high drama or rows. Whatever you decide to do now to support yourself and your family unit doesnt have to be forever.

You say you once had that relationship- sounds like it was a false relationship. People don't go from nice to toxic so quickly. I'm sorry you are struggling but these people don't deserve the headspace that you are giving them. Focus on your dc and marriage because that is all that matters.

Yes you are probably right. That possibility was the hardest truth to swallow really.

I am definitely going to focus on our little family going forward, thank you.